Jokes & Zingers All Coffee Drinkers Will Find Funny

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Vote up your favorite coffee puns and humor.

Nothing starts the day off like a hot cup of coffee, except maybe a list of jokes about a hot cup of coffee! We don’t know about you, but the first thing we do in the morning is pour ourselves a nice cup of joe and sit down to work on a list of java jokes. If you’re a barista, coffee aficionado, or a caffeine addict, you’ll love these funny jokes about coffee. And if not, then you can go brew a whole pot of decaf! The rest of us will be busy giggling at this list of hilarious caffeinated jokes, while drinking our favorite brews featured in these monthly coffee subscription boxes.

Half-caf, decaf, half double decaf with a twist a lemon and a pump of pumpkin spice - we can’t keep all these coffee trends straight. What happened to just a regular old triple tall white chocolate mocha with six pumps of chai? If you woke up this morning and needed an extra kick, then this list of jokes about coffee will give you a pick-me-up that even the strongest shot of espresso can’t. So grind up your favorite bean and put the kettle on because this list of hilarious coffee humor is about to brew you up a good time.

Vote up your favorite jokes about coffee, and if you’ve got a joke you think we haven’t heard, then brew one up for us in the comments.

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  • What Do You Call Sad Coffee?
    1

    What Do You Call Sad Coffee?

    Despresso. 
  • How Is Divorce like Espresso?
    2

    How Is Divorce like Espresso?

    It's expensive and bitter.
  • Why Do They Call Coffee Mud?
    3

    Why Do They Call Coffee Mud?

    Because it was ground a couple of minutes ago.
  • How Are Coffee Beans like Kids?
    4

    How Are Coffee Beans like Kids?

    They're always getting grounded!
  • What's It Called When You Steal Someone's Coffee?
    5

    What's It Called When You Steal Someone's Coffee?

    Mugging!
  • What's the Difference Between Starbucks and a Prostitute?
    6

    What's the Difference Between Starbucks and a Prostitute?

    Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet! 
  • How Are Men like Coffee?
    7

    How Are Men like Coffee?

    The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night! 
  • How Does a Tech Guy Drink Coffee?
    8

    How Does a Tech Guy Drink Coffee?

    He installs Java!
  • How Did the Hipster Burn His Tongue?
    9

    How Did the Hipster Burn His Tongue?

    He drank his coffee before it was cool.
  • Why Are Italians so Good at Making Coffee?
    10

    Why Are Italians so Good at Making Coffee?

    Because they know how to espresso themselves.
  • What Kind of Coffee Was Served on the Titanic?
    11

    What Kind of Coffee Was Served on the Titanic?

    Sanka.
  • There Are Two Kinds of People...
    12

    There Are Two Kinds of People...

    Coffee people and sad people.
  • Why Is Coffee Better than a Woman?
    13

    Why Is Coffee Better than a Woman?

    Coffee goes down easier.
  • Why Do the Lakers Have to Drink Their Coffee Black?
    14

    Why Do the Lakers Have to Drink Their Coffee Black?

    They're out of KAREEM.
  • What Did the Barista's Valentine Say?
    15

    What Did the Barista's Valentine Say?

    Words cannot espresso my love for you.
  • Why Are all Jewish Men Required to Make a Good Cup of Coffee?
    16

    Why Are all Jewish Men Required to Make a Good Cup of Coffee?

    Because according to the Torah, he brews! 
  • What Are You If You Name Your Cats Cream and Sugar?
    17

    What Are You If You Name Your Cats Cream and Sugar?

    You're probably drinking too much coffee.
  • Why Is a Bad Cup of Coffee the End of a Marriage?
    18

    Why Is a Bad Cup of Coffee the End of a Marriage?

    Because it's GROUNDS for divorce! 

  • Yo Mama so Stupid...
    19

    Yo Mama so Stupid...

    She thought Dunkin' Donuts was a basketball team!
  • What's Fat, Slimy, and Drinks a lot of Coffee?
    20

    What's Fat, Slimy, and Drinks a lot of Coffee?

    Java the Hut.
  • What Did the Doctor Say after He Delivered a Baby Holding a Pumpkin Spice Latte?
    21

    What Did the Doctor Say after He Delivered a Baby Holding a Pumpkin Spice Latte?

    "Its a white girl." 

  • Why Don't Snakes Drink Coffee?
    22

    Why Don't Snakes Drink Coffee?

    It makes them viperactive!
  • What's the Best Beatles Song?
    23

    What's the Best Beatles Song?

    Latte Be! 
  • What Did the Fraternity Coffee Shop Specialize in?
    24

    What Did the Fraternity Coffee Shop Specialize in?

    Fratuccino.