Total Nerd 12 Comic Book Characters You Just Can't Feel Sorry For  

Cynthia Griffith
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Comic books are just brimming with tragic origin stories. Like, if you didn't have your parents murdered in front of your eyes at the very least, you probably wouldn't fit in at the Avengers 4th of July barbeque. The comic book characters have endured just about everything from being orphaned to being tortured to being dyed purple. You know, the sort of stuff that ruins people forever. Yet even in the midst of some of the saddest origin stories, there are still some characters that we simply should not feel sorry for.

All of them are comic book characters with tragic origin stories who, at the end of the day, still don't deserve our sympathy. They're either victims of their own bad choices, or they're irreparably evil. Sometimes, though, they're also just too straight-up stupid to deserve compassion. 

Look, if you crash your spaceship while wearing a ring that permits you to fly through space under your own power, nobody is going to feel sorry for you. If you try to infringe on somebody else's destiny and accidentally turn yourself into a cheetah, nobody is going to feel sorry for you. And if you're a baby-eating, mind-controlling, Nazi-loving, soul-stealing creeper, then nobody would care if you just vanished from the face of the Earth. Sorry, gang, a sad backstory doesn't make you deserving of our precious sympathy. 

Superman is listed (or ranked) 1 on the list 12 Comic Book Characters You Just Can't Feel Sorry For
Photo: DC Comics

The Tragic Origin:

He was orphaned as an infant when his home planet was destroyed, leaving him lost to wander the Earth searching for answers.

Why We Can’t Feel Sorry For Him:

He never, ever learns his lesson.

You would think that Superman would have learned his lesson about keeping the whole kryptonite thing a secret (you know, since people always try to kill him with it forever). Alas, when Batman and Superman spend one enchanted night flying through the air together, Superman entrusts Batman (you know, the guy who fed his best friend Robin rats in All-Star Batman and Robin just for kicks) with vials of the fatal toxin.

So, when Superman wakes up with a black eye, a splitting headache, and a spandex clad bat hovering over him, we cannot feel sorry for the Man of Steel.

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Green Goblin is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list 12 Comic Book Characters You Just Can't Feel Sorry For
Photo: Marvel Comics

No variation of Norman Osborn deserves a single tear.

The Tragic Origin:

Norman Osborn was relentlessly tormented by his alcoholic dad and a goblin that lives in his brain. Not exactly a stellar childhood by anybody’s standards, especially when you consider the fact that said goblin wanted to possess his soul.

Why We Can’t Feel Sorry For Him:

While being possessed and tormented by a goblin certainly isn't a walk in the park, no variation of Norman Osborn is a "good" guy. Even back in the day (before he was a supervillain) he was still an abusive husband and father.

Even further back, as a child he murdered the family dog! Never sympathize with a pet murderer. Also, he totally had sex with Spider-Man's girlfriend Gwen Stacey and got her pregnant. Oh, and then he murdered her. Not cool, Ozzy, not cool.   

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Lex Luthor is listed (or ranked) 3 on the list 12 Comic Book Characters You Just Can't Feel Sorry For
Photo: DC Comics

The Tragic Origin:

Like many older characters, Lex Luther's origin has been retconned several times. All of which are pretty sad. He's been a pauper, a farmer, a mad scientist, and an abused son. In one distinctly gloomy variation, he murders his parents after suffering years of abuse at their hands and then proceeds to build his empire out of the insurance money. One of the most famous origin stories to date portrays Superman as the cause of Lex's premature baldness. Basically, his childhood is always portrayed negatively. Still, we cannot pity him.

Why We Can’t Feel Sorry For Him:

Lex had it way too good to turn out so bad. 

Lex Luther has basically been handed the world on a silver platter. Seriously, once he was gifted an entire planet that was named in his honor. He's been poor but not orphaned, abused but not beyond repair. Most of the tragedies that have unfolded around him were the result of his own ego.

Just get over yourself and wear a hat or something, Lex. You're doing just fine. 

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Spider-Man is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list 12 Comic Book Characters You Just Can't Feel Sorry For
Photo: Marvel Comics

The Tragic Origin:

Where to begin? Peter Parker’s a science nerd who gets orphaned at the tender age of six, bitten by a radioactive spider, and consistently conned by friends and enemies alike. He seems very deserving of our sympathy. 

Why We Can’t Feel Sorry For Him:

Peter Parker makes some really, truly awful decisions.

For someone who's supposedly academically gifted, Spidey’s common sense is almost never tingling. To wit: he shows off his powers on national TV, he lets the freakin' devil handle his love life, and he lets the supervillain Nebula gain control of the Infinity Gauntlet. All of these instances start to make you wonder if the whole Clone Saga was really just a metaphor. It would appear that his greatest enemy, unfortunately, is himself.

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