No matter how long you’ve been reading funny books, it always takes you by surprise to find sex in comics. Even if you’re not a square comic books are the one place you never think of as containing explicit sex scenes, but there’s a lot more of them out there than you would guess. Like a whole lot more. As much as you think you can relegate surprising comics hookups to indie fare like Black Hole or Blankets, there’s actually a lot of sex being had in mainstream titles. Indeed, there was a lot of weird comics sex happening in the '80s for some reason (that reason is 100% Alan Moore). If you’re having trouble thinking of any comic book sex scenes then make sure your parents are out of the room because it’s about to get steamy all up in your computer.
More so than any other medium, comic books are able to convey a multitude of emotions with their sex scenes. Whether they’re trying to bring two characters together in a meaningful way, have something silly happen, or just show a couple of impossibly built, spandex clad characters blow (heh) off some steam – comics can accomplish all of those things, and occasionally all of them at the same time. The comic book sex scenes that you’re about to see range from emotionless bang sesh’s penned by Frank Miller to some of the most pathos filled panels that have ever been created. Just try to keep it in your pants while you read along.
Dick Grayson Couldn't Even Be Cool The One Time He Had Sex
In Nightwing #135 Dick Grayson, the former ward of Bruce Wayne (does he ever not have someone as his ward?) recounts losing his virginity to an older woman named Liu. Liu was a corporate saboteur who used him to infiltrate Waynetech, directly after explaining to Grayson how he's such a wuss that he sent money orders to the people whose car windows he smashed in while pretending to be a bad guy. They don't call him "Too Cool" Dick Grayson for nothing.
The Green Goblin Pumpkin Bombs Gwen Stacy
Well this is just a big bowl of yikes. Sins Past, from 2004, is one of those story arcs that makes you wish you could forget the whole thing happened. For some reason, writer J. Michael Straczynski thought it would be great if he revealed that Gwen Stacy had cheated on Peter Parker with the Green Goblin (Norman Osborn). Not only did that crazy train leave the station, but she was also pregnant with twins who grew up to fight Spider-Man.
Anyway, the nightmare of a sex scene comes after MJ tearfully recounts how Gwen swore her to secrecy and that she only found out because she overheard Stacy and Osborn arguing about the custody of the children while they were taking care of Harry after he "overdosed on LSD."
Buffy And Angel Fly Around And Bang A Universe Into Existence
By the time Dark Horse's Buffy Season 8 rolls around, it's been years since Buffy and Angel have seen each other. Buffy's in England leading the charge against vampires and demons as per usual and Angel is off brooding somewhere and being handsome. But then he shows up in the middle of a standoff that Buffy's having with an entity named Twilight and explains that if they have a bunch of sex they can actually become in tune with the universe.
It sounds like a line of baloney but then there's a 10 page sex scene (it actually might be longer) that takes place in the background while the rest of the Scoobs try and figure out how to actually beat the bad guy outside of f*cking him to death.
Batman's Burning Love
In All-Star Batman and Robin #7, written by infamous comic creep Frank Miller, Black Canary watches as Batman dishes out street justice to a bunch of thugs while pummeling them with vaguely homophobic patter ("So's this, sweetheart," and "Sleep tight, princess.") while carrying a running inner monologue about how sexy she thinks the Dark Knight is.
Weirdly, she also she talks like a character from a James Joyce novel: "Before I can even catch my breath, they're a bunch of bleeding, burning heaps, they are." Immediately after Batman bat-punches a bunch of guys to near death she runs over and straight up f*cks him on a burning pier. It's enough to make you wonder what kind of sex Mr. Miller is having exactly.