The worst things about condoms are that they're prone to failure, breaking, and misuse. Most people know how to put them on and use them correctly, but if you don't, trouble can follow. How often do condoms break? As often as you use them incorrectly. Even so, some of the worst stories aren't about when a condom broke, but about people who are just really stupid and probably shouldn't be procreating.
Goofing around with them, not getting rid of them properly (or at all), using them for pranks or to get high... there are plenty of ways to have a really bad time with condoms. Not to mention that most depraved practice of them all - poking holes in them.Here are some of the worst (or at least most embarrassing) condom stories out there. Some involve condoms breaking, and some just involve people who should never have children.
"Snap On My Rod"
From "Willoughby" on forum.bodybuilding.com, in all its (sic) glory:
"Had one explode on me once, i was just humping away missionary style and i felt somthing snap on my rod, like a rubber band.
So i pulled out and it looked like a fire cracker had went off in the rubber, there were little peices everywhere, whats worse is when you gotta dig for the damn things in a girl.
Her expression was priceless though.
"Uh oh"Brix shatting, indeed.
uh oh what???
what happen?!?!?It fcking exploded
NOT LOVING ITIn March 2013, Chicago resident Anishi Spencer took her children to a McDonald's in the area, where her two-year-old son found a condom in the Play Place. Being two, he decided to eat it. The mom only found out because the child proceeded to cough up the contraceptive.
Spencer filed a $50,000 lawsuit against McDonald's Corporation and the individual restaurant for failing to keep "hazardous materials from areas open to children [...] as well as failing to use surveillance or inspection to detect deviant activities."
From BuzzFeed reader "angievalentine":
“After my first time, my boyfriend thought he’d be goofy…by slapping me in the face with the used condom. In his dead grandmother’s Subaru. In the mall parking lot.
We did get breakfast foods afterward and watched Fiddler on the Roof so…all good…?”
Just like they did in the old country.
Oh, What a Nice Parting Gift OH MY GOD!!!
From Jezebel reader "Jack B. Hates" (edited for length)
My first trip away with my husband we stayed in a cute little B&B in the west of Ireland run by a little old widow. And we were using condoms, but the septic tank would not have been able to cope with flushing them down the toilet, and we didn't want to leave them for the little old widow lady to see, so my not-husband-then put them in a paisley-patterned paper bag that we'd got in a shop somewhere. It looked kind of gift-y. I can still see it. He'd sling in the used condom and fold over the top. It didn't seem TOO gross to want to throw them all away in one go rather than sneaking them out past the sweet little old widow.
When we packed on the last day, we put it on the bed with our bags, ready to sneak out to the car. On the handmade, brightly coloured quilt, that was purple toned like the bag.
Yeah. We left the bag behind. It must have looked exactly like a gift we'd left our sweet little old B&B proprietor. A thank-you present. A f*ckton of used condoms.
And the little old widow lady is fine with that.
We've never been back.