The Most Absurd, Over-Priced, And Outright Crazy Goop Products You Can Buy

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Gwyneth Paltrow has become as famous for her bizarre Goop products as she once was for her acting. The Academy Award-winning actress found a surprising second career as something of a lifestyle expert – though, admittedly, it's not the kind of lifestyle most people are used to. Gwynnie launched her (in)famous brand in 2008 as a humble little newsletter, and in the years since, it's evolved into a multimillion dollar enterprise known mainly for two things: absurd, overpriced products and Paltrow's questionable health advice.

The craziest products on Goop are a testament to just how out-of-touch Paltrow is with everyday folks and the demands of living paycheck to paycheck (her attempt to survive a week on food stamps was a spectacular fail). Fortunately, the weirdest merchandise selected and sold by Paltrow is always good for a laugh, even though she seems to take these items seriously. You have to wonder: is she some kind of marketing genius who has tapped into a demographic of wealthy, New Age-y, Beverly Hills white women? Or is she playing a ridiculous character with total, life-encompassing commitment, a la Andy Kaufman?

The answer might never be clear. In the meantime, let's enjoy a rundown of some of the most absurd Goop products.

  • 1
    1,018 VOTES

    18K Gold Dumbbells

    At $125,000, the Hock Design Goldloft 18K Gold Dumbbells probably won't be showing up at your neighborhood Y anytime soon. But they do make a statement for those with luxury in-home gyms. Each Goop-approved dumbbell in the two-pair set is comprised of 2 kg of 18K gold.

    1,018 votes
  • 2
    1,056 VOTES

    Vampire Repellant

    Vampire Repellant
    Photo: Goop

    Protect yourself from "psychic vampires" and bad vibes with Goop's Psychic Vampire Repellant spray. Billed as "a unique and complex blend of sonically tuned gem elixirs," this formula is meant to be sprayed around your head in order to protect your aura. It sells for $27 a bottle.

    1,056 votes
  • 3
    797 VOTES

    A Coffee Enema

    The Implant O-Rama System At-Home Coffee Enema marries the world of colonics with the world of beverages. A natural pairing, right? For $135, the java enema aims to clean you out and give you a rush like you've never experienced before.

    Incidentally, if Goop sells an "At-Home Coffee Enema," does that also mean they sell a mobile one that you can use in, say, your car?

    797 votes
  • 4
    715 VOTES

    A Steamer For Your Lady Parts

    Gwyneth Paltrow's championing of injecting steam straight into intimate areas has raised more than a few eyebrows… and more than a few health concerns. But she is undeterred, and Goop still proudly recommends the Devi Steam Seat, which sells for $77. The manufacturer boasts that "this seat is handcrafted from Baltic-birth wood in our family shop in Colorado."

    715 votes
  • 5
    647 VOTES

    A $755 Saucepan

    A $755 Saucepan
    Photo: Goop

    No kitchen is complete without a $755 pan. Goop loves Ondine's Platine Medium Saucepan, which is billed as "one of GP's favorite cooking essentials." It's made in Italy of titanium-grade stainless steel and includes brass handles and a lifetime manufacturer's guarantee.

    647 votes
  • 6
    680 VOTES

    Camel Milk Home Delivery Service

    Nothing hits the spot like a glass of ice-cold camel's milk. Now you, too, can have that milk delivered right to your door with the Goop-approved Desert Farms Camel Milk subscription service. At $103 a month, it's still cheaper than owning your own camel.

    680 votes