Gwyneth Paltrow has become as famous for her bizarre Goop products as she once was for her acting. The Academy Award-winning actress found a surprising second career as something of a lifestyle expert – though, admittedly, it's not the kind of lifestyle most people are used to. Gwynnie launched her (in)famous brand in 2008 as a humble little newsletter, and in the years since, it's evolved into a multimillion dollar enterprise known mainly for two things: absurd, overpriced products and Paltrow's questionable health advice.
The craziest products on Goop are a testament to just how out-of-touch Paltrow is with everyday folks and the demands of living paycheck to paycheck (her attempt to survive a week on food stamps was a spectacular fail). Fortunately, the weirdest merchandise selected and sold by Paltrow is always good for a laugh, even though she seems to take these items seriously. You have to wonder: is she some kind of marketing genius who has tapped into a demographic of wealthy, New Age-y, Beverly Hills white women? Or is she playing a ridiculous character with total, life-encompassing commitment, a la Andy Kaufman?
The answer might never be clear. In the meantime, let's enjoy a rundown of some of the most absurd Goop products.
18K Gold Dumbbells
At $125,000, the Hock Design Goldloft 18K Gold Dumbbells probably won't be showing up at your neighborhood Y anytime soon. But they do make a statement for those with luxury in-home gyms. Each Goop-approved dumbbell in the two-pair set is comprised of 2 kg of 18K gold.
Protect yourself from "psychic vampires" and bad vibes with Goop's Psychic Vampire Repellant spray. Billed as "a unique and complex blend of sonically tuned gem elixirs," this formula is meant to be sprayed around your head in order to protect your aura. It sells for $27 a bottle.
A Coffee Enema
The Implant O-Rama System At-Home Coffee Enema marries the world of colonics with the world of beverages. A natural pairing, right? For $135, the java enema aims to clean you out and give you a rush like you've never experienced before.
Incidentally, if Goop sells an "At-Home Coffee Enema," does that also mean they sell a mobile one that you can use in, say, your car?
A Toothpaste Squeezer
When you're Gwyneth Paltrow, squeezing your own toothpaste is apparently something you don't have to do yourself anymore. With the Goop-sanctioned Cedes Milano Toothpaste Squeezer, a nifty little machine handles this unpleasant (?) task for you. The $244 squeezer is a "clever chrome plated brass device" that "ensures you get the most out of your toothpaste, every single time."