crime Ex-Cons Describe The Craziest Sh*t They Witnessed While In Prison  

Hugh Landman
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Crazy stories from prison run the gamut, from the mundane turned terrifying to just plain weird. Prison guards have their own tales of working in the system, but ex-con's stories are even crazier. Things criminals witnessed while they were in prison include heinous acts of violence, murder, and strange behavior by their fellow inmates. Yes, there are scary things that happen in prison, but there is also comradery, goofy pranks, and... feeding flying squirrels? 

Going to jail is no picnic, but at least these things criminals witnessed while they were in prison will make pretty great stories that they will surely be unable to forget. 

1

Sleep Talking Is Much Scarier In Jail


mobbindeer talked about a celly's sweet dreams: 

"I had a cell mate who talked in his sleep. My first night in that cell I woke up to "I'm a f*cking murderer I'm gonna f*ckin' kill you." I was in the top bunk, so I looked down and said, "What's up man?" He woke up and said, "huh"? He actually was an alright guy when he was awake, but I think he was dyslexic or something because he kept on taking my sandals."

2

Caffeine Is A Hell Of A Drug


detroitVSeverybody talked about this alternative use for coffee:

"County jail, but some of the girls would order coffee from their canteen and snort it, which led to them staying up all night 'meow'ing to each other."

3

Sometimes Jail Was Even A Little Boring


One deleted user tells about the everyday boredom of jail life:

"Well, I was in county jail for a while, and it's nowhere near as interesting as you'd think. A lot of grown men laughing at farts over and over again, playing cards, and reading. Most people in county aren't doing a long time so they just want to get out. My bunkie got Xanax a few times and we took it, that was about the most exciting thing."

4

Severed Ear Goes Flush


From another deleted user:

"The two gay guys got into a big argument in the hall at the pill window. Inmate 1 had been spreading rumors that Inmate 2 had AIDS. This was ruining Inmate 2's prostitution hustle. They got back to out barracks and Inmate 2 went to his bunk and got a weapon. His weapon was a bundle of sharpened pencils wrapped with tape and string etc. He attacked Inmate 1 from behind, trying to stab him in the neck. Inmate 1 realized something was happening and turned. The pencils instead ripped his ear off. He grabbed his head in shock. Inmate 2 bent over grabbed the ear and flushed it down the toilet.

Inmate 1 grabbed a metal mop from the cleaning supply alcove and beat Inmate 2 with it so bad that it bent the mop in half. We wore solid white uniforms and you can imagine the blood spurting everywhere. The only guard on our door was a short fat woman. She slammed the door shut from the outside and did nothing to stop the fight (can't say I blame her with all the real cases of Hepatitis and HIV etc.) Finally male guards ran down, but even they waited until the fight was over to do anything. All I cared about at the time was going to visitation. It was a Saturday and Nana had come 4 hours to see me and I was worried about that hall being locked down for the day."