11 Nightmare-Inducing Talking Toys No Child Should Own

As if the concept of a doll wearing a twisted face of insanity while laughing maniacally wasn’t traumatizing enough, the commercial for this creep-tastic toy plays out more like the trailer for a horror film than a toy ad.

As the doll rocks back and forth while giggling uncontrollably, the ad suddenly jumps to the faces of freaked out little girls who soon become infected with Baby Laugh-A-Lot’s madness and begin laughing too. All the commercial is missing are some child-sized straightjackets.

After Thomas Edison invented the phonograph back in 1877, he had the clever idea of using the device to record audio and then stuffing it into the backs of children’s toys. These dolls that could talk or sing to their owners were released in 1890. And some are still around! Although some have undergone extensive repair, they still contain some of the oldest surviving voice recordings in history.

In shrill, creepy little voices, they shriek various prayers and nursery rhymes at you. They were only in production for six-weeks because they were too fragile for shipping. They also had such a short production period because they were absolutely terrifying children who wanted nothing to do with the creepy little creatures.

In 1965, Mattel proudly introduced a talking doll named Baby Secret to the horror of children everywhere. Baby Secret likes to keep her owner close, whispering creepy things such as, “I like to sleep with you” and “hold me closer” into their ears, intermingled, obviously, with the occasional demon summoning. 

The Little Mommy Doll caused some serious controversy when she was released in 2008 because, allegedly, she could be heard uttering satanic and pro-Islam messages, causing parents and media outlets to freak out.

Target pulled her off the shelves pretty fast and encouraged patrons to bring her in for a full return (or an exorcism, buyer's choice). 

Jill can move her head from side to side and blink, and she can’t seem to stop awkwardly moving her arms around. She boasts her ability to “really listen” and analyze what you’re saying so she can answer back relevantly and be “a lot like you.”

This is likely because she’s secretly monitoring your every sound, movement, and daily habit, which will enable the evil spirit inside her to swap bodies with you and take over your life without anyone noticing a change in your behavior.

Amazing Amanda can do more than simply talk. In fact, her commercial conveniently leaves out her even creepier capabilities, like the doll's apparent voice recognition technology and the fact that she doesn’t like rejection and will call you out, "gently admonishing" you for not hugging her, or forgetting to say “I love you,” or feeding her peas when she asked for cookie.

Unless of course, Amanda isn't actually that amazing, and it’s all really the work of Satan.