Dad jokes are in and of themselves an art form. The first step is that they have to be bad. They can’t be too crass or “adult.” They have to also be the sort of thing that you should’ve seen coming, but somehow didn’t. And they’re all a little embarrassing to laugh at. But hey! Everyone else is probably groaning, laughing or both as well, so at least you’ve got that going for you? You can’t go wrong with a nice, healthy list of clean dad jokes to put in your repertoire when it’s time for you to embarrass your children.
From basic puns to tongue twisters, this list will have it all. Really, when you’re out to dinner (and you should make it a nice dinner, all the better to deploy a nice bad joke), wait until the server comes up to take your order, and then deliver one of these ridiculous short funny jokes. You will see the light go out of your server’s eyes, but then return in laughter, as your family really wonders if you should ever be brought to a nice restaurant ever again.
No matter your pleasure, these corny jokes will kill when expertly deployed. Try them on your offspring, and watch as they roll their eyes, then finally laugh, because it’s too stupid not to Vote up which dad jokes you think are the funniest, and then go ahead and check out the best "your mom" jokes as well.
Man, when you have a bladder infection. . .
What did the buffalo say when his son left?
How do you organize a space party?
Today, a girl said she recognized me from Vegetarian Club. . .
But I never met herbivore.
What a rip-off!
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field!
I gave all my dead batteries away. . .
They were free of charge!
This documentary about beavers. . .
. . . is the best dam thing I've ever watched!
Our wedding was so beautiful. . .
Even the cake was in tiers.
Why do you smear peanut butter on the road?
To go with the traffic jam!
Why did the octopus beat a shark in a fight?
Well, he was well armed!
I was thinking about moving to Moscow...
But there's no point in Russian into things.
I'm afraid for the calendar. . .
Its days are numbered.
You hear about the new broom?
It's sweeping the nation!
What do you call a cow with no legs?
. . . Ground beef.
Why move to Switzerland?
Well, the flag is a big plus!
A sandwich walks into a bar. . .
Bartender says, "sorry, we don't serve food here."
I am terrified of elevators!
I'm going to start taking steps to avoid them!
Hear about the new restaurant on the Moon?
The food was great, but there was just no atmosphere.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
It didn't have any guts!
My doctor said I had type A blood. . .
But it was a type O.
The Energizer Bunny just got arrested. . .
. . . They charged him with battery.
What cheese can never be yours?
. . . Nacho cheese!
Why did the pony need a glass of water?
. . . He was a little horse!
"Hey, dad, did you get a haircut?"
"No, I got them all cut."