If you have a semblance of a childhood left, prepare to have it shattered. ABC's TGIF lineup was fraught with controversy, most of which stemmed from the actors themselves, but what if you found out that the beloved series Full House was seriously demented? Fan theories about Full House reveal a messed up family dynamic, one where the San Francisco home might actually be a Lovecraftian horrorscape.
We already know Full House was a side gig for one of the raunchiest comedians of all time (Bob Saget, you're fooling no one). Even so, the show is often regarded as one of the best sitcoms of the '80s and '90s. It even went on to spawn a weirdly meta Netflix reboot 20 years after the fact, and reruns are still regularly played on TBS and the Hallmark Channel.
Full House was revered for its life lessons, and provided a prototype for sitcoms featuring strong friendships among adult males, but a particular Full House fan theory shatters all that in one fell swoop. If you're hoping to have Full House ruined forever, you got it, dude. These dark Full House fan theories show no mercy.
'Full House,' 'Boy Meets World,' and 'Sabrina The Teenage Witch' All Exist In The Same Universe
One fan theory alleges that the programs on the '90s TGIF lineup more or less exist in the same universe. It all starts with the wildly popular Family Matters (which was a spinoff of Perfect Strangers). Family Matters has a crossover with Full House wherein Steve Urkel appears on the San Francisco-based show. Family Matters also has a crossover with the ABC show Step by Step; Urkel accidentally shoots himself right into Step by Step's set with a jetpack.
Step by Step has a minor crossover with Boy Meets World when Topanga meets Dana at Disney World. Boy Meets World then has a crossover episode with Sabrina the Teenage Witch. If you make your way back through all these crossovers, Full House exists in the same universe as Sabrina, which means magic is totally possible, and nothing makes sense anymore.
Jesse's Original Last Name Was Just A Stage Name
You can't deny that Jesse Cochran is a catchier name than Jesse Katsopolis. One theory alleges that the name change was a calculated business move; Jesse goes by both names because one of them is a stage name.
In the first season, Danny mentions Jesse's band, Jesse Cochran and the Rippers. It's later referred to as Jesse and the Rippers, so many fans may have missed it. The theory alleges that Jesse changed his name because he didn't think his real name was marketable enough. This is actually a common practice in the music industry; Beatles drummer Ringo Starr's real name is actually Richard Starky. Sometimes, a stage name just works better.
Uncle Joey Is The Real Father Of The Tanner Children
The whole idea behind Full House is that the recent widow Danny needs help raising his three girls. It sure was awfully kind of his BFF Joey to move in and lend a hand, despite the fact that he's not related to the Tanners. Why is he so invested? According to one Reddit fan theory by /u/offcerkondo, it's because Uncle Joey is the girls' real dad. The evidence is pretty alarming: all of the Tanner girls have blonde hair, a recessive trait, but Danny has brown hair. What are the odds all three would be blonde if Danny was actually their father. You know who is blonde? Uncle Joey.
The Tanners Are Stuck In Purgatory
What if Pamela Tanner wasn't the one who died in that fateful car crash that caused the Tanner kids to grow up without a mom? What if Pamela Tanner was the only person who actually survived, and her entire family is now sitting in a purgatorial San Francisco-style home? One fan theory by Redditor /u/Nadodan claims that the Tanners are actually in purgatory, and that Michelle is secretly a demon entity who brought them together and keeps them stuck in the between.
According to the theory, Michelle is always the one who brings people back to the house and prevents them from moving on to Paradise. She loves convincing Jesse to stay because she's "sick," and there's also the fact that Gina's mom (Danny's potential love interest) mysteriously dies in a car accident. Why are Danny's potential love interests always disappearing? They could help him move on from Pam, allowing him to find the peace he needs to get to Heaven, and Michelle can't have that.
The evidence is astounding, and it's true that no one ever manages to permanently leave the home except Michelle, who isn't present in the Netflix reboot. D.J. doesn't go to college, and Jesse never moves out; the Tanners just haunt the house forever.