Weird History

The Filthiest Graffiti From The Ancient World  

Quinn Armstrong
2.8k votes 882 voters 19.5k views 26 items

List Rules Vote up the ancient graffiti so filthy it could make someone blush in any century.

The people of the ancient world were anything but shy about intimate coupling. They liked doing it, talking about it, and writing about it. And thanks to the ruins from Pompeii and Herculaneum, along with advanced new archaeological technology, we have a better sense than ever about what ancient people were painting on their city walls. Among the ash and bodies at Pompeii were traces of ancient graffiti. And as it turns out, it's mostly trash and politics.

Of course, the Romans weren't the only ones writing on their city walls, but they left behind the most direct evidence. Their writings were often racy, frequently scatological, and sometimes unexpectedly personal.

The evolution of graffiti tells us a lot about daily life and attitudes towards decency and public space. Though the walls were regularly used for social discussion and political statements, Romans were just as likely to scrawl dirty words.

1
'Chie, I hope your hemorrhoids... is listed (or ranked) 1 on the list The Filthiest Graffiti From The Ancient World
'Chie, I hope your hemorrhoids rub together so much that they hurt worse than when they ever have before!'
2
'Theophilus, don't perform ora... is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list The Filthiest Graffiti From The Ancient World
'Theophilus, don't perform oral [pleasure] on girls against the city wall like a dog.'
3
'Weep, you girls. My [member] ... is listed (or ranked) 3 on the list The Filthiest Graffiti From The Ancient World
'Weep, you girls. My [member] has given you up. Now it penetrates men's behinds. Goodbye, wondrous femininity!'
4
'If anyone sits here, let him ... is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list The Filthiest Graffiti From The Ancient World
'If anyone sits here, let him read this first of all: if anyone wants a screw, he should look for Attice; she costs 4 sestertii.'
5
'Apollinaris, doctor to the Em... is listed (or ranked) 5 on the list The Filthiest Graffiti From The Ancient World
'Apollinaris, doctor to the Emperor Titus, had a good [poop] here.'
6
'Restitutus says: 'Restituta, ... is listed (or ranked) 6 on the list The Filthiest Graffiti From The Ancient World
'Restitutus says: 'Restituta, take off your tunic, please, and show us your hairy privates.'
7
'Amplicatus, I know that Icaru... is listed (or ranked) 7 on the list The Filthiest Graffiti From The Ancient World
'Amplicatus, I know that Icarus is [pegging] you. Salvius wrote this.'
8
'The one who buggers a fire bu... is listed (or ranked) 8 on the list The Filthiest Graffiti From The Ancient World
'The one who buggers a fire burns his [member].'
9
'I screwed the barmaid.' is listed (or ranked) 9 on the list The Filthiest Graffiti From The Ancient World
'I screwed the barmaid.'
10
'Celadus the Thracian makes th... is listed (or ranked) 10 on the list The Filthiest Graffiti From The Ancient World
'Celadus the Thracian makes the girls moan!'
11
'We have wet the bed. I admit,... is listed (or ranked) 11 on the list The Filthiest Graffiti From The Ancient World
'We have wet the bed. I admit, we were wrong, my host. If you ask why, there was no chamber pot.'
12
'Secundus likes to screw boys.... is listed (or ranked) 12 on the list The Filthiest Graffiti From The Ancient World
'Secundus likes to screw boys.'
13
'Floronius, privileged soldier... is listed (or ranked) 13 on the list The Filthiest Graffiti From The Ancient World
'Floronius, privileged soldier of the 7th Legion, was here. The women did not know of his presence. Only six women came to know, too few for such a stallion.'
14
'Sollemnes, you screw well!' is listed (or ranked) 14 on the list The Filthiest Graffiti From The Ancient World
'Sollemnes, you screw well!'
15
'I screwed a lot of girls here... is listed (or ranked) 15 on the list The Filthiest Graffiti From The Ancient World
'I screwed a lot of girls here.'
16
'Apelles the Chamberlain with ... is listed (or ranked) 16 on the list The Filthiest Graffiti From The Ancient World
'Apelles the Chamberlain with Dexter, a slave of Caesar, ate here most agreeably and had a screw at the same time.'
17
'I have buggered men.' is listed (or ranked) 17 on the list The Filthiest Graffiti From The Ancient World
'I have buggered men.'
18
'Atimetus got me pregnant.' is listed (or ranked) 18 on the list The Filthiest Graffiti From The Ancient World
'Atimetus got me pregnant.'
19
'Virgula to Teritus: you are a... is listed (or ranked) 19 on the list The Filthiest Graffiti From The Ancient World
'Virgula to Teritus: you are a nasty boy.'
20
'Defecator, may everything tur... is listed (or ranked) 20 on the list The Filthiest Graffiti From The Ancient World
'Defecator, may everything turn out okay so that you can leave this place.'
21
'On June 15th, Hermeros screwe... is listed (or ranked) 21 on the list The Filthiest Graffiti From The Ancient World
'On June 15th, Hermeros screwed here with Phileterus and Caphisus.'
22
'Watch it, you that sh*ts in t... is listed (or ranked) 22 on the list The Filthiest Graffiti From The Ancient World
'Watch it, you that sh*ts in this place! May you have Jove's anger if you ignore this.'
23
'Nikasitimos was here mounting... is listed (or ranked) 23 on the list The Filthiest Graffiti From The Ancient World
'Nikasitimos was here mounting Timiona.'
24
'Lesbianus, you defecate and y... is listed (or ranked) 24 on the list The Filthiest Graffiti From The Ancient World
'Lesbianus, you defecate and you write, 'Hello, everyone!''
25
'Gaius Valerius Venustus, sold... is listed (or ranked) 25 on the list The Filthiest Graffiti From The Ancient World
'Gaius Valerius Venustus, soldier of the 1st Praetorian Cohort, in the century of Rufus, screwer of women.'