25 Unhinged Arguments About Which Character Would Win In The Ultimate Disney Battle

List Rules
Vote up who you think would be the winner.

In the event that there is an ultimate fight between every Disney character to ever exist, it's important to know who to side with. We found several passionate arguments on r/askreddit from people who are convinced that their favorite characters would take home the gold. Vote up who you think would be the winner and start placing your bets now!


  • 1. Stitch From Lilo And Stitch

    Posted on Reddit by u/xbumblebee:

    stitch is basically indestructible so i'll go with him.

    “Monstrosity? What you see before you is the first of a new species. I call it Experiment 626. He is fireproof, bulletproof, and can think faster than a supercomputer. He can see in the dark, and lift objects three thousand times his size. His only instinct... to destroy everything he touches! Ha ha ha ha!”

    obviously he becomes a lot softer throughout the movie but he's still strong as f*ck.

    43 votes
  • 2. Any Disney God

    Posted on Reddit by u/kosmoceratops1138:

    Disney has Polynesian, Greek, and Norse gods in its movies, and y'all are lying to yourselves if you think its not going to be one of those. I say this as a Star Wars diehard. Vader, stitch, and even the genie have their limits.

    So either a God, or Gaston. Because no one is half as manly.

    Edit: it was pointed out below that Gaston's manliness metric only extends to the town. So we have to use another, and Gaston gives plenty. Gaston, as we all know, has biceps to spare. This implies that, no matter what he needs them for, Gaston will have enough biceps, and then more on top of that. When fighting gods of incalcuable and immeasurable strength, his bicep level would become an uncountable, no limit infinity. Therefore, Gaston always sweeps.

    This would also imply that the Disney universe is all unified under the infinite bicep of the great infinite Gaston, and the entire universe is (roughly) somewhat smaller than a barge, as it is a fraction of Gaston's total size.

    Edit 2: another consideration is the eggs. Now, Gaston eats a lot of eggs, as if broken down in various posts. As it has been pointed out, this can have drastic effects, singlehandedly supporting destroying the economy of the poultry industry. But, as we have proven before with simple logic (Gaston's biceps > needed biceps. Needed biceps = God biceps. God biceps = infinity. Therefore, Gaston's biceps > infinity), Gaston has the ability to generate theoretically infinite mass. What if the source of this infinite mass is the eggs, constantly and spontaneously converted from energy at a rate of 5 dozen eggs a day? And with this, as Gaston is ever growing, an arbitrary, generalized barge must also grow with it.

    Edit 3: we also know that "no one's quick as Gaston", this time without the "in town" modifier. That would mean that his calves would have to be sufficient to maintain the ability for no one else to be as quick, even under the immense pressure of the infinity-cep.

    Edit 4: corrected "eggs eaten per day" factor.

    Edit 5: Question: are Gaston's biceps (glory be upon them) static or dynamic? That is, does he have spare biceps only for the situation he is currently in, meaning dynamic bicep size, or a static soze benchmarked off of the current second most bicep-laden being in the current universe? But even then, his biceps would be partially dynamic as the powers of the gods change.

    Also, Gaston's biceps vs. Maui's pecs. Discuss.

    Edit 6: So Gaston is "roughly" the size of a barge. I take this to mean that he's within one standard deviation of the average mass of all barges that exist in his universe. Except, as we discussed above, Gaston must be massively massive, depending on the situation of course, and how dynamic his bicep size is. So does that mean that there are a bunch of asteroid sized barges floating around in space somehwere to skew what the size of a barge is? Thought for food. The food being eggs and the thought being of Gaston's biceps. Also, the thought of that many goddamn eggs a day makes me mildly nauseous.

    Also, I noticed that I havent sworn once in my post, so an obligatory f*ck is going here.

    Edit 7: also, if every inch of Gaston is covered in hair, that dude has a sh*tload of skin colored hair.

    Edit 8: as u/G19Gen3 points out, no one fights like Gaston. Meaning by definition, Gaston is the best fighter. Gaston sweeps

     

    29 votes
  • 3. Darth Vader Or Thor

    Posted on Reddit by u/Werrf:

     

    Pretty sure the final fight would come down to Darth Vader vs Thor.

    17 votes
  • 4. The Cockroach From Wall-E

    Posted on Reddit by u/SmokingThunder:

    If you have all these powerful wizards and demons and gods fighting each other at the exact same place, it will probably cause some sort of nuclear type scenario. Nothing could survive that kind of concentrated power.

    So the winner is pretty obvious. Hal aka the Cockroach from WALL-E

    24 votes
  • 5. Genie From Aladdin

    Posted on Reddit by u/molten_dragon:

    Genie from Aladdin I think. I can't think of too many other Disney characters packing that kind of power. Maybe Zeus from Hercules.

    21 votes
  • 6. Rey From Star Wars

    Posted on Reddit by u/jred250:

    I think everyone is forgetting that a royal rumble isn't a battle to the death. You have to throw your opponents over the top rope to eliminate them.

    Genie would get eliminated by someone tossing him over while he was doing a Rodney Dangerfield impression. If this hypothetical scenario follows the logic of an actual Royal Rumble anyone who is a major threat would get eliminated (unless they come out close to the very end).

    I would book it with the final four being WALL-E (the comedy face option), Gaston (top level heel), Rey from Star Wars (top face) and the whale from Pinocchio (HOW WILL THEY GET HIM OVER THE TOP ROPE?)

    The Whale and Gaston team up to throw WALL-E out. The crowd is furious but Rey unbelievably force pushes the whale over the top rope while the heels are celebrating. We've got Gaston and Rey as our final two and Gaston KNOCKS OUT THE REF.

    Crowd is losing their minds when all of the bad guys who have been eliminated enter the ring and surround Rey. It is looking bad for our hero....

    WHATS THAT MUSIC!? IS THAT THE STAR WARS THEME?! BAH GAWD ITS LUKE SKYWALKER! Skywalker 3:16 runs wild and clears the ring until its just Rey and Gaston. Rey tosses over Gaston and wins the Royal Rumble. Luke Skywalker raises Rey's hand while the crowd boos because it was totally Simba's year.

    16 votes