Unless they're competing in some kind of climactic martial arts tournament, if someone is gearing up for a fight they should probably be drunk. It'll hurt less, look funnier, and if someone's on hand with a smartphone, it'll probably go viral. There are plenty of videos of drunk people looking for a fight, but the cream of the crop are usually the true stories of drunks fighting inanimate objects.
This is a short Internet history of drunk people fighting non-humans of all shapes and sizes, from the guy who tried to ski while smashed to anyone who's thrown a punch at a street lamp. There are plenty of things you shouldn't do while drunk, and even more situations you should avoid, but these intoxicated run-ins are undeniably entertaining. Just don't overdo it – you never know when your friends are recording you, or how they're going to pose you once you pass out. Think of this as a roundup of cautionary tales for people who just don't know when to call it quits.
Woman Vs. Bus Stop
This inebriated young lady took a run at a bus stop, arms outstretched as if to hug it – and ran straight through its glass side. She was visibly dazed. The bus stop never saw it coming.
The bus stop wins, though at a terrible price.
Man Vs. Trees
This blurry classic chronicles the journey of a man who was out to best a tree. The man flew at one tree, trying to kick it down with what was undoubtedly decades of practice, but the tree must have moved to the side because the man completely missed it. The tree dodged a few more attacks, and claimed one of the man's shoes.
The trees celebrated a victory, if just for that day.
Man Vs. Bush
A drunk man was attacked, out of nowhere, by a violent bush as he was trying to rise to his feet. The man hit back with a right hook, but the bush saw it coming and remained perfectly still. The man then decided to lean into the bush, but the bush felt no remorse and bounced him straight back to the ground.
A triumphant victory for the bush.
Man Vs. 45 Degree Angle
This very, very drunk man was no match for the 45 degree angle of the street he was trying to climb. He made it most of the way up the street by employing the zig-zag method. But the street came back with not having a parked car to lean on, incapacitating the man, who then tried the road. Ultimately, the man ended up right back where he started.
Victory goes to the street.