Total Nerd

The Dumbest Fictional Weapons Of All Time  

Jacob Shelton
17.1k votes 3.2k voters 118.3k views 18 items

List Rules Vote up the most impractical weapons in fiction.

When you go to the movies it’s easy to get wrapped up in the glitz and glamour of it all, especially when the movie is a ripping action film with big guns or a science fiction crowd-pleaser with way-out weapons. But when you leave the theater, do you ever wonder if the gadgets you’ve seen onscreen are practical? The history of cinema is littered with dumb movie weapons, but some movies have more ridiculous weapons than others. 

If you really think about it, some of the most popular pieces of tech from film and television are straight-up dumb sci-fi weapons. Whether it’s the lightsaber or Wolverine’s claws, these dumb fictional weapons don’t make sense in our world or theirs. Sure, they look cool - but how do they work in any practical sense? 

These ridiculous creations just don’t make sense on closer inspection, no matter how much people love them.

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Goldfinger is listed (or ranked) 5 on the list The Dumbest Fictional Weapons Of All Time
Photo: Goldfinger/United Artists

Oddjob, the silent right-hand man of Goldfinger, is seriously tough. Not only is he solid muscle, but he's got fighting skills that put him on par with 007. For some reason, he uses a bowler hat with a metal blade around the brim. The hat's sharp enough to take the head off a statue, but it's a one-use kind of thing - at least until he walks across the room to pick it up. 

A hat doesn't really strike fear into the hearts of anyone, but it's in line with the other weapons in James Bond movies. In this case, Oddjob would be better off tossing a frisbee. 

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Xena: Warrior Princess is listed (or ranked) 6 on the list The Dumbest Fictional Weapons Of All Time
Photo: Xena: Warrior Princess/NBCUniversal Television Distribution

Xena: Warrior Princess is great. To argue against this show is like arguing against chocolate - it just doesn't make sense. That said, her main weapon doesn't make sense. The chakram, otherwise known as that round blade thing that Xena throws like a boomerang, is a circular piece of metal with a blade on the outer rim. 

Whenever Xena throws the chakram, the blade either cuts through stuff or knocks off a bad guy's hat (the possibilities are endless) and then comes back to the warrior princess. But how does she catch it when it's so sharp? Either Xena spends her commercial breaks applying a thick layer of gauze or she's developed one mean callus.

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Evil Dead II is listed (or ranked) 7 on the list The Dumbest Fictional Weapons Of All Time
Photo: Evil Dead 2/Embassy Communications/De Laurentiis Entertainment Group

When Ash shoves a chainsaw onto his hand in Evil Dead 2, it's a revelatory moment. It's not just cool - it's groovy. But there are some technical issues that boggle the mind decades after the film's release. Specifically, how does one fit a stump into a chainsaw? Is there a specific brand of chainsaw that comes with a hole the size of a hand stump?

When it comes to fighting with the chainsaw hand, it's not good for more than shoving it into a demon or waving it around and making noise. Even if Ash doesn't try to fight with finesse, it still begs the question of how he keeps the chainsaw's teeth sharp. The guy must go through chains like a golf pro goes through balls.

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Star Trek: The Next Generation is listed (or ranked) 8 on the list The Dumbest Fictional Weapons Of All Time
Photo: Star Trek: The Next Generation/Paramount Domestic Television

According to the Klingons, the bat'leth is the weapon of a true warrior. The large curved blade looks like a scimitar, but rather than have a handle at the bottom like a sword, it has two handles on the back end that sort of allow the user to punch with their right and left hands but not much else. 

The weapon provides zero leverage for the user and puts them on the defensive for most of the battle. It can be swung overhead, but it's such a weird shape that it's like swinging two swords at the same time, which is famously not the way swords are used. Thank Kahless phasers exist in the Star Trek universe. 

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