Updated June 15, 2019 4.0K votes 683 voters 100.2K views
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Vote up the throwback Teenage Mutant Ninja toys that didn't make any sense
The original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles toy line tried everything, whether it made sense or not. Turtles as Universal monsters, Turtles in Star Trek outfits, Turtles as birthday clowns. Some of these TMNT toys were fun. Others less so.
When a toy line that lasts for many, many years, but it's based on a cartoon that only has a limited number of characters, some stagnation can set in. Especially if your market research determines that the core four characters sell better than any new guys.
From the nonsensical to the politically incorrect to the just plain poorly made, this list rounds up the figures that made you ask what the hell the company was thinking. And it sticks to the '90s Ninja Turtle toys of the original line - the tie-ins to subsequent shows have made more sense and haven't aged quite as badly.
It's actually amazing that a single action figure could be this '90s. Even at the time, the people behind this should have understood that Flavor Flav was not meant to be an inspiration for cartoon turtles.
"Make my day" is, of course, a catchphrase of Dirty Harry Callahan, the cop played by Clint Eastwood, whose methods often skirt the law and who is mainly delineated as a good guy by virtue of the fact that his enemies are so much worse. The R-rated action movies are deliberately morally gray in a way that many similar modern films are not, and make the viewer think about the consequences of violence and vigilantism.
Which is why, of course, somebody at Playmates thought this was a perfect match for a f***ing ninja turtle. On the other hand, this figure did kind of predict "Respect Mah Authoritah" Cartman on South Park. Kind of.
Transforming toys often feature one awesome thing changing into another awesome thing, like a robot becoming a fighter jet. But when this version of Mike transforms he becomes...a cement mixer. "A real working cement mixer truck!" even.
That word "real" - I do not think it means what you think it means. Kids who tried to actually mix cement with this toy probably had a rude awakening.
Toy slime, renamed "retromutagen ooze," was a key feature in the TMNT toy line, but like all variants of the kiddie classic, it was a gel you really didn't want to get on carpets, hair, or anything other than a completely smooth surface.
So of course, a catapult designed to fling open cans of it across the room was a great idea according to nobody, ever, except the one person at Playmates who approved this and was probably not a parent at the time.
It's also hard to get around the fact that the heroes are basically tossing around toxic waste super-casually.
With a goofy straw hat, horrible pink shirt, tropical cocktail, nunchuks made from leis, a guitar on his back and an action feature which causes him to spit in your face, this Mike looks like he was designed by Jimmy Buffett while the singer was wasted away in Margaritaville.
Some people claim that there's an April to blame, but we know it's all Playmates's fault.
