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14 Tips for Proper Sex Dungeon Etiquette

Updated September 15, 2017 123.0k views14 items

To outsiders, the underground world of BDSM seems like a scary place full of whips and chains where anything goes, but there are actually a lot of sex dungeon rules. The etiquette that’s expected of someone who visits a dungeon is ten times more strict than a normal bar or club because there’s so much fluid sexual energy in the air, a mixture of pleasure and pain that can make things confusing. Unless you really know what’s going on, it can be hard to tell who’s breaking the rules and who’s having a good time. The rules of a sex dungeon aren’t that dissimilar from that of the regular world, but the ramifications of disobeying them definitely take on a more drastic connotation. If you’re wondering, “What are sex dungeons like?” This should give you a pretty good idea.

Do you have to dress like a Cure video exploded all over you? How do you address the people you meet? These are all normal questions for anyone who’s new to the BDSM scene, and you shouldn’t feel embarrassed about asking them. Some more complex questions come into play when they concern consent, safe words, and the people working in the dungeon, some of whom may be physically intimidating. Hopefully, these etiquette tips for new players on the BDSM scene are able to provide the answers you need to shake off the heebie-jeebies and help you jump into the deep end of a dungeon. 

  • Consent Isn't a Transitive Property

    This is so, so, so important that even though it should be understood in a sex-positive realm like the BDSM scene, it still has to be screamed from the rooftops. If you're in a dungeon and you see someone getting bitten, licked, spanked, WHATEVER, it doesn't give you permission to do the same thing. Even though that person has given consent to a particular person, that consent does not transfer to you. Always remember to get explicit consent before doing anything. 

  • Stop Bogarting the Equipment

    Not everyone in the BDSM scene has their own dungeon at home where they can spend all day tying up subs and experimenting with various speeds on their f*ck machine. Some folks have to wait all week to be paddled or do some paddling, so if you think you've been using a dungeon machine for a little too long, call an audible on your scene and acquiesce the dungeon's equipment to your patient BDSM brethren. 

  • Always Bring a Towel

    It's probably safe to say that when you visit a dungeon, the people you encounter are going to be in various states of undress. Which is great. That's what you're there for. And not to be crass, but there are a lot of bodily fluids floating around and soaking into the chairs, couches, you name it. Even if you're not participating in a scene, you'll probably want to set a towel down before you take a seat. 

  • Don't Pretend Like You Don't Know the Safe Word

    Not only is this kind of activity rude, it's also incredibly dangerous. If you're in the middle of a scene and someone throws out their safe word and you keep whapping them or whatever, it can cause severe emotional damage (aside from whatever physical scars you might give them). BDSM is built on a foundation of trust, and if you want to be invited back to your favorite dungeon, you'll not only attend to your subs needs, you'll begin to anticipate the moments when things might go over the line.