As each disastrous week goes by in the midst of The Handmaid's Tale the Trump administration, the only thing more shocking than the week prior is how everyone's managed to make it this far. Just when America thinks she's saved herself from potential conflict with North Korea, Donald Trump does something to make conflict with China a possibility. Not that any of this bothers the President much, who spends most of his time at his golf course or on Twitter. But you, as an informed citizen, definitely want to keep up with each week of the Trump administration, even though following this timeline is more difficult than keeping up with Game of Thrones.
Remember when "the wall" was the biggest thing on the Trump horizon? Now that misguided vanity project finds itself a obscured by a possible obstruction of justice. Sad! Instead of building walls, the President must now contend with "spying microwaves," botched Easter egg hunts, and the difficult nature of the handshake. No politician has ever been treated so unfairly in his own words, and if by unfairly he means "like an unqualified white man in a position of power" then he might actually be right about something for once.
Trump grossly over exaggerates inauguration crowds; Kellyanne Conway coins "alternative facts"; the Muslim travel ban is enacted; Steve Bannon joins the National Securities Council
Trump approves a botched raid in Yemen; a federal judge halts the travel ban; Neil Gorsuch is nominated for Antonin Scalia's Supreme Court seat; Trump concerns himself with The Apprentice ratings
Betsey DeVos and Jeff Sessions both confirmed for cabinet positions; Trump fails to properly shake another leader's hand; Trump spills more security matters at his second home, Mar-a-lago
National Security Advisor Michael Flynn resigns amid Russian scandal; Trump makes up a fake terror attack in Sweden; the President hosts a "campaign style rally" in Florida
The administration rolls back protections for transgendered people in public bathrooms; Jeff Sessions pledges the government's continued usage of private prisons
Trump makes unfounded claim that Obama wiretapped Trump Tower; Mike Pence used a private email account as a governor; Jeff Sessions never disclosed meetings with Russia; a proposal aims to increase defense spending by $54 billion
China awards trademarks to Trump's businesses there; Trump confidant Roger Stone reveals he spoke with the Russian hackers responsible for the DNC hack
The administration proposes cuts to programs including Meals on Wheels; Rachel Maddow releases Trump's tax returns from '05; an intruder gets onto the White House property
Paul Ryan pulls the enormously unpopular Obamacare repeal bill; the FBI Director debunks the President's tweets in a Congressional hearing; Trump's constant travels between DC, NYC, and Florida cost an extra $60 million
Michael Flynn seeks immunity in exchange for testimony; Jeff Sessions threatens to pull billions of dollars from sanctuary cities
Trump threatens North Korea, also threatens China for failing to use their "influence" to stop NK; a chemical attack in Syria prompts Trump to hastily launch missiles; Steve Bannon loses his seat on the NSC
Trump drops "the mother of all bombs" on an ISIS base; NY Times reveals Trump spent 17 of his first 81 days golfing; Press Secretary Sean Spicer says Hitler never used chemical weapons
Trump signs the "Buy American, Hire American" order the same day Ivanka Trump nets three Chinese trademarks; Sessions calls the state of Hawaii an "island in the Pacific"
Trump reveals he "thought this would be easier"; the administration releases a one-page plan for "massive tax reform"; Trump signs executive order allowing off-shore drilling
The President calls for a government shutdown via Twitter; The Republican healthcare bill narrowly passes the House of Representatives; Trump is on course to outspend Obama's entire presidency in one year
Trump fires FBI Director James Comey; the President suggests ending all press briefings; Sally Yates testifies to Congress about how she warned Trump of Michael Flynn
Formal calls of impeachment made against Trump; Trump reveals classified information to Russia; the Justice Department hires a special prosecutor to investigate the Trump camp's connections to Russia in the 2016 election
Trump meets world leaders in Saudi Arabia, at a NATO gathering, and the Vatican; Trump releases a budget plan featuring a two-trillion dollar miscalculation; the Muslim ban is struck down a fourth time; Trump attends the G-7 Summit