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The Funniest Engineer Jokes

Updated June 14, 2019 1.8k votes 692 voters 19.6k views25 items

List RulesVote up any funny joke about engineering or engineers.

A list of engineer jokes, puns, and humor, ranked by people who know the difference between mechanical engineers, electrical engineers, and everyone in between. If it's a funny, quick joke about engineering, you'll find it here.

In the hope of being completely transparent, we should let you know that we have no idea what engineers do. We think they fix stuff, but maybe it’s something else? We know they don’t drive trains, or at least we think they don’t drive trains. Maybe that’s what they get up to in their spare time, if they even have any spare time. In order to say thank you to the men and women who spend countless hours chained to a desk making sure out buildings don’t fall down and that our software works correctly, we’ve put together a list of the funniest jokes about engineers from across the web.

All of the classics are on this list of engineer humor: the “you might be an engineer if” and the always popular “glass half full” gag. If you’re an engineer, you’re in for a real treat. If not, good luck understanding half of these jokes. Hopefully you have a friend with a master's degree in aeronautics or project management that can explain them to you.

Vote on your favorite joke about engineers and engineering. If we left your favorite zinger about the nerds that build and fix the things we don’t even understand, then stick it in the comments (preferably with a little duct tape).
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  • 1
    Engineers like to Solve Proble is listed (or ranked) 1 on the list The Funniest Engineer Jokes
    125
    67

    Engineers like to Solve Problems but...

    If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own. 
  • 2
    If You're an Optimist, the is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list The Funniest Engineer Jokes
    83
    35

    If You're an Optimist, the Glass Is Half Full

    If you're a pessimist, it's half empty. If you're an engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
  • 3
    What's the Difference Between  is listed (or ranked) 3 on the list The Funniest Engineer Jokes
    128
    78

    What's the Difference Between Doctors and Engineers?

    Doctors only kill people one at a time.
  • 4
    What's the Difference Betw is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list The Funniest Engineer Jokes
    89
    44

    What's the Difference Between Mechanical & Civil Engineers?

    Mechanical engineers build weapons, civil engineers build targets.
  • 5
    What Did the Force Say to the  is listed (or ranked) 5 on the list The Funniest Engineer Jokes
    64
    26

    What Did the Force Say to the Distance?

    We’re having a moment!
  • 6
    How Do You Drive an Engineer I is listed (or ranked) 6 on the list The Funniest Engineer Jokes
    74
    39

    How Do You Drive an Engineer Insane?

    Make them watch as you fold up a road map the wrong way. 
  • 7
    What Do Engineers Use as Birth is listed (or ranked) 7 on the list The Funniest Engineer Jokes
    74
    42

    What Do Engineers Use as Birth Control?

    Their personalities.
  • 8
    How Many Nuclear Engineers Doe is listed (or ranked) 8 on the list The Funniest Engineer Jokes
    48
    20

    How Many Nuclear Engineers Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb?

    Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
  • 9
    Seeking a Boyfriend in Enginee is listed (or ranked) 9 on the list The Funniest Engineer Jokes
    48
    25

    Seeking a Boyfriend in Engineering:

    The odds are good but the goods are always odd.
  • 10
    People Who Say the Best Things is listed (or ranked) 10 on the list The Funniest Engineer Jokes
    32
    11

    People Who Say the Best Things in Life are Free...

    Have obviously never drawn free body diagrams.
  • 11
    When Does a Person Decide to B is listed (or ranked) 11 on the list The Funniest Engineer Jokes
    41
    29

    When Does a Person Decide to Become an Engineer?

    When they realize they don't have the charisma to be an undertaker.
  • 12
    You Might Be an Engineer If... is listed (or ranked) 12 on the list The Funniest Engineer Jokes
    24
    14

    You Might Be an Engineer If...

    You think that when people around you yawn, it's because they didn't get enough sleep.
  • 13
    Why Did the Engineering Studen is listed (or ranked) 13 on the list The Funniest Engineer Jokes
    21
    16

    Why Did the Engineering Students Leave Class Early?

    They were getting a little ANSI.
  • 14
    The Real Meaning of Study Acco is listed (or ranked) 14 on the list The Funniest Engineer Jokes
    14
    12

    The Real Meaning of Study According to Engineers

    S = Sitting T = Talking U = Unlimited D = Dreaming Y = Yawning
  • 15
    Why Did the Engineer Cross the is listed (or ranked) 15 on the list The Funniest Engineer Jokes
    21
    22

    Why Did the Engineer Cross the Road?

    Because they looked in the file and that's what they did last year.
  • 16
    What's the Difference Betw is listed (or ranked) 16 on the list The Funniest Engineer Jokes
    24
    30

    What's the Difference Between a Chemist and a Chemical Engineer?

    Oh, about $10 K a year.
  • 17
    You Might Be an Engineer If... is listed (or ranked) 17 on the list The Funniest Engineer Jokes
    14
    18

    You Might Be an Engineer If...

    If you can't remember where you parked your car for the third time this week.
  • 18
    Old Software Engineers Never D is listed (or ranked) 18 on the list The Funniest Engineer Jokes
    16
    22

    Old Software Engineers Never Die...

    They just reboot.
  • 19
    You Might Be an Engineer If... is listed (or ranked) 19 on the list The Funniest Engineer Jokes
    18
    26

    You Might Be an Engineer If...

    Your spouse sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to dinner.
  • 20
    How Can You Tell You've Me is listed (or ranked) 20 on the list The Funniest Engineer Jokes
    23
    34

    How Can You Tell You've Met an Extroverted Engineer?

    When they talk to you, they look down at your shoes instead of their own.
  • 21
    You Might Be an Engineer If... is listed (or ranked) 21 on the list The Funniest Engineer Jokes
    21
    35

    You Might Be an Engineer If...

    If you've used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts.
  • 22
    Where in the World Can You Fin is listed (or ranked) 22 on the list The Funniest Engineer Jokes
    10
    21

    Where in the World Can You Find the Highest Concentration of Engineers?

    Antarctica! Because that's where all the P. Enguins are!
  • 23
    You Might Be an Engineer If... is listed (or ranked) 23 on the list The Funniest Engineer Jokes
    12
    25

    You Might Be an Engineer If...

    You introduce your wife as "mylady@home.wife." 
  • 24
    Has the Biomedical Imaging Eng is listed (or ranked) 24 on the list The Funniest Engineer Jokes
    13
    29

    Has the Biomedical Imaging Engineer Done Anything Useful Lately?

    No, they've mostly been working on PET projects.
  • 25
    How Many Engineers Does It Tak is listed (or ranked) 25 on the list The Funniest Engineer Jokes
    12
    34

    How Many Engineers Does It Take to Assemble a Futon?

    Three…and a psychologist!
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