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The Funniest Engineer Jokes

List Rules
Vote up any funny joke about engineering or engineers.

A list of engineer jokes, puns, and humor, ranked by people who know the difference between mechanical engineers, electrical engineers, and everyone in between. If it's a funny, quick joke about engineering, you'll find it here.

In the hope of being completely transparent, we should let you know that we have no idea what engineers do. We think they fix stuff, but maybe it’s something else? We know they don’t drive trains, or at least we think they don’t drive trains. Maybe that’s what they get up to in their spare time, if they even have any spare time. In order to say thank you to the men and women who spend countless hours chained to a desk making sure out buildings don’t fall down and that our software works correctly, we’ve put together a list of the funniest jokes about engineers from across the web.

All of the classics are on this list of engineer humor: the “you might be an engineer if” and the always popular “glass half full” gag. If you’re an engineer, you’re in for a real treat. If not, good luck understanding half of these jokes. Hopefully you have a friend with a master's degree in aeronautics or project management that can explain them to you.

Vote on your favorite joke about engineers and engineering. If we left your favorite zinger about the nerds that build and fix the things we don’t even understand, then stick it in the comments (preferably with a little duct tape).
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  • If You're an Optimist, the Glass Is Half Full
    1

    If You're an Optimist, the Glass Is Half Full

    If you're a pessimist, it's half empty. If you're an engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
  • What Did the Force Say to the Distance?
    2

    What Did the Force Say to the Distance?

    We’re having a moment!
  • How Many Nuclear Engineers Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb?
    3

    How Many Nuclear Engineers Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb?

    Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
  • People Who Say the Best Things in Life are Free...
    4

    People Who Say the Best Things in Life are Free...

    Have obviously never drawn free body diagrams.
  • What's the Difference Between Mechanical & Civil Engineers?
    5

    What's the Difference Between Mechanical & Civil Engineers?

    Mechanical engineers build weapons, civil engineers build targets.
  • How Can You Tell You've Met an Extroverted Engineer?
    6

    How Can You Tell You've Met an Extroverted Engineer?

    When they talk to you, they look down at your shoes instead of their own.
  • How Do You Drive an Engineer Insane?
    7

    How Do You Drive an Engineer Insane?

    Make them watch as you fold up a road map the wrong way. 
  • You Might Be an Engineer If...
    8

    You Might Be an Engineer If...

    Your spouse sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to dinner.
  • What Do Engineers Use as Birth Control?
    9

    What Do Engineers Use as Birth Control?

    Their personalities.
  • Engineers like to Solve Problems but...
    10

    Engineers like to Solve Problems but...

    If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own. 
  • What's the Difference Between Doctors and Engineers?
    11

    What's the Difference Between Doctors and Engineers?

    Doctors only kill people one at a time.
  • Seeking a Boyfriend in Engineering:
    12

    Seeking a Boyfriend in Engineering:

    The odds are good but the goods are always odd.
  • You Might Be an Engineer If...
    13

    You Might Be an Engineer If...

    You think that when people around you yawn, it's because they didn't get enough sleep.
  • When Does a Person Decide to Become an Engineer?
    14

    When Does a Person Decide to Become an Engineer?

    When they realize they don't have the charisma to be an undertaker.
  • What's the Difference Between a Chemist and a Chemical Engineer?
    15

    What's the Difference Between a Chemist and a Chemical Engineer?

    Oh, about $10 K a year.
  • You Might Be an Engineer If...
    16

    You Might Be an Engineer If...

    If you've used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts.
  • Why Did the Engineering Students Leave Class Early?
    17

    Why Did the Engineering Students Leave Class Early?

    They were getting a little ANSI.
  • Old Software Engineers Never Die...
    18

    Old Software Engineers Never Die...

    They just reboot.
  • The Real Meaning of Study According to Engineers
    19

    The Real Meaning of Study According to Engineers

    S = Sitting T = Talking U = Unlimited D = Dreaming Y = Yawning
  • Why Did the Engineer Cross the Road?
    20

    Why Did the Engineer Cross the Road?

    Because they looked in the file and that's what they did last year.
  • Has the Biomedical Imaging Engineer Done Anything Useful Lately?
    21

    Has the Biomedical Imaging Engineer Done Anything Useful Lately?

    No, they've mostly been working on PET projects.
  • You Might Be an Engineer If...
    22

    You Might Be an Engineer If...

    If you can't remember where you parked your car for the third time this week.
  • How Many Engineers Does It Take to Assemble a Futon?
    23

    How Many Engineers Does It Take to Assemble a Futon?

    Three…and a psychologist!
  • Where in the World Can You Find the Highest Concentration of Engineers?
    24

    Where in the World Can You Find the Highest Concentration of Engineers?

    Antarctica! Because that's where all the P. Enguins are!
  • You Might Be an Engineer If...
    25

    You Might Be an Engineer If...

    You introduce your wife as "mylady@home.wife."