Every Week Of The Trump Administration, Ranked By Insanity

Trump was very chatty this week as he handled the fallout from his unkind words to a military widow. When he wasn't chatting with reporters about whatever was on his mind, he was tweeting orange fire at enemies new and old. 

• Monday, October 23: After Myeshia Jordan, the widow of Lt. Johnson – a soldier who was killed in duty in an attack in Niger – went on Good Morning America to discuss the President forgetting her husband’s name mid-call, Trump took the low road and started clapping back at her on Twitter. Trump tweeted: "I had a very respectful conversation with the widow of Sgt. La David Johnson, and spoke his name from beginning, without hesitation!"

• Tuesday, October 24: On Tuesday, Republican Senator Jeff Flake gave a heartfelt speech on the Senate floor in which he attacked Donald Trump's anything-goes style of governing. He said that American politics had become “inured” to "reckless, outrageous and undignified” behavior from the White House. Flake ripped into Trump with an intensity that no GOP Senator has attempted during the President's time in office. The Arizona Senator continued: "The instinct to scapegoat and belittle threatens to turn us into a fearful, backward-looking people. I will not be complicit or silent."
  
   
• Wednesday, October 25: In a truly bizarre move, Trump staged an impromptu Q&A session with reporters before hopping on Air Force One. He spent about 15 minutes talking about whatever the press was interested in, giving off-the-cuff answers about Lt. David Johnson, standing ovations, and Watergate. He pretended that he didn’t know who Jeff Flake was and claimed that he did “very well” at Wharton when he attended. He also bragged about having a great memory. "People don't understand, I went to an Ivy League college. I was a nice student. I did very well. I'm a very intelligent person." Trump also appeared on Lou Dobbs Tonight where he just ranted about 'fake news' to a sycophantic Dobbs. This is one of the weirder quotes:  "I know a good story from a bad story.  But when you have a really good story and they make it bad, I’ll say to my wife, 'Oh, tonight, I’m going to enjoy watching television because I did great, and wait until you see this.'   And then, they put it on and it’s like ― oh, that’s not so good. They are fake news."
   
• Thursday, October 26: On Thursday, Trump took responsibility for the release of thousands of documents related to the JFK assassination. However, the records were already due to be released thanks to the John F. Kennedy Assassination Records Collection Act of 1992. The bigger news is that Trump directed the Department of Health and Human Services to declare the opioid crisis a public health emergency. However, he didn't declare it a "national emergency," which would have made it possible for federal funding to be allotted to the crisis. 
   
• Friday, October 27: Trump pressed for the gag order placed on an Obama-era FBI informant to be released so he could speak to a grand jury about Russia; this is unusual because the Justice Department has strict rules limiting the White House's involvement in criminal law enforcement matters. Trump also wished a happy birthday to the wrong Lee Greenwood on Twitter because of course he did.
   
• Saturday, October 28: Trump started a Twitter fight with documentarian Michael Moore after the director's play closed on Broadway after 100 days. At least he's admitting that he's not at all presidential. Michael Moore clapped back hard with a tweetstorm of his own. 

• Sunday, October 30: When news broke that the first arrest in the federal investigation into the alleged Russian attempts to influence the Russian election would be coming soon, Trump absolutely freaked out on Twitter. He did what he usually does – screamed about Hillary Clinton. After his tweet storm Trump came to the conclusion that the whole thing is just a false flag to keep our minds off all the good work that the Republicans are doing with healthcare. 

Lordy, what a week. Most of Week 20 was all about former FBI director James Comey's testimony in front of the Senate Intelligence Committee, but we also found out that Eric Trump has been funneling money out of a charity for dying children and into the Trump Organization. You really should get some rest after taking in all of this information.

• Monday, June 5: It was a banner day for the Trump administration. Things started off with an early morning tweet storm from Trump about how the Justice Dept. should stick with his original, awful travel ban and not some watered-down, still awful travel ban. But that's not all that happened on Monday. The first suspect in the NSA investigation into leaked White House documents was arrested when the FBI recognized the watermarks on the paper she used. Later that day, Trump said that he was thinking about a deal that would privatize the air traffic control industry. 

• Tuesday, June 6: Word is that four of the top law firms in the country turned down representing Trump in the investigation into the possible collusion between his administration and Russia. Also, in news that would have toppled previous presidencies, Forbes released proof that Eric Trump's Foundation, which raises money for children with cancer, has paid the Trump Organization $1.2 million over the last six years.

• Wednesday, June 7: Former FBI director James Comey's seven-page opening statement dropped, stating that Trump asked him to drop his investigation into Flynn’s communications with Russia and pledge his "honest loyalty" to the administration.
   
• Thursday, June 8: The wait was finally over, and former FBI director James Comey made an appearance in front of the Senate Intelligence Committee. From Comey, the world learned a few interesting things like: Trump is the first president who made Comey feel like he had to document their meetings; Trump told Comey to drop the Flynn investigation; and Comey even leaked some of his own memos. 
   
• Friday, June 9: Trump broke his Twitter silence to say that Comey's investigation had "vindicated" him. He must have been watching a different SIC investigation. 

  Despite so many false statements and lies, total and complete vindication...and WOW, Comey is a leaker!

  — Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) June 9, 2017

  Saturday, June 10: Atty. Gen. Jeff Sessions announced that he would appear before the Senate Intelligence Committee to answer questions about his interactions with Russian officials. Donald Trump Jr. appeared on Fox News and tried to help his dad out, but he kind of made it sound like his dad is a mob boss. He said: "When he tells you to do something, guess what? There's no ambiguity in it." 

• Sunday, June 11: Trump tweeted that Comey was "cowardly."

Prior to his scheduled, almost three-week-long vacation, Trump decided to take care of business. He hired a new Chief of Staff, had him fire a guy who was causing trouble, and then had transcripts of his whiny phone calls with world leaders leaked. All in all, it was a pretty laid back, albeit still terrifying, week. 

• Monday, July 31: Day 193, and Trump decided to start over. He got a new Chief of Staff in John Kelly, a retired Marine General who supposedly planned on whipping the White House into military shape. The first thing to go? Anthony Scaramucci who was fired after 10 days on the job after he called a reporter for New York Magazine and gave a crazy-go-nuts interview where he threw everyone in the White House other than the President under the bus. Trump gave some thoughts on the nuclear threat from North Korea, saying that “we handle everything,” and then at the end of the day, the Washington Post reported that Trump actually dictated his son’s misleading statement on Russia. 
   
• Tuesday, August 1: In response to that whole thing about Donald Trump dictating his son’s Russia statement, White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders noted that he “weighed in” on the statement as “any father would do,” never mind the fact that Trump previously acted as if he had no idea about the statement. Is this what 3D chess looks like?
   
• Wednesday, August 2: The President threw his weight behind legislation meant to cut the number of legal immigrants in half with a system based on “merit.” The RAISE Act, which was first introduced in February, would take into account English language skills, education, age, and how many job offers the person has. Many current American citizens would not qualify based on its standards.
   
• Thursday, August 3: And low, a gift was bestowed upon the people. One of the many White House leakers did what they do best and sent out full transcripts of Trump’s calls with Mexico and Australia and showed how whiny the President really is. The whole thing would be funny if it were a Christopher Guest movie and not real life.
   
• Friday, August 4: Trump began his scheduled 17-day vacation at his private golf club in New Jersey; keep in mind that this is his first “official” vacation, while the rest of his golf trips were all business. 
   
• Saturday, August 5: Trump tweeted out that he definitely wasn’t on vacation, and that he was taking meetings and calls in between working on his short game. He also gave props to a Twitter bot who said that he was doing a great job. While the bot's tweet was deleted, his retweet remains. 

• Sunday, August 6: Trump took a call with President Moon of South Korea, and apparently things went well. This would probably be the last smooth day for the President. 

Week 31 continues the total eclipse of our democracy as the President hands out pardons, gives a weird speech in Arizona, and somehow manages to make a national disaster all about him.

• Monday, August 21: Trump proved his prowess as a man and as a president by staring directly at the eclipse while the rest of you mere mortals had to wear stupid eclipse glasses. Many people believed this to be idiotic, but Tucker Carlson felt that it was "impressive." It was reported that due to Trump's travel schedule, the Secret Service can no longer afford to pay some members who have reached their federally mandated caps on salary and overtime; some agents may not even be paid for time that they've worked. According to VICE, the Secret Service has already spent $60,000 on golf cart rentals alone. After staring directly at the eclipse, Trump gave a primetime speech on his plans for how the US would handle the forever war in Afghanistan. During Trump's campaign, he said that he would call for a complete pullout of the military from Afghanistan, but in his speech, he completely reversed his plan, saying that the military presence in Afghanistan would continue as it has under the last two presidencies. 

• Tuesday, August 22: On Tuesday, Trump flew to Arizona for his favorite thing, a campaign rally! Yay! In his speech, Trump defended his comments about Charlottesville, strangely shouted "Antifa" to the tune of "Tequila," claimed he would shut down the government if he didn't get his way on the border wall (like a giant baby), and announced that he might be pardoning Sheriff Joe Arpaio, who was convicted of criminal contempt after ignoring a federal judge's order  to stop detaining people for being undocumented immigrants with no proof. A blind item appearing in Tuesday's hot gossip said that Trump and Senate Majority Leader, Mitch McConnell may no longer be on speaking terms. According to the New York Times, the two men apparently got into a screaming match over the phone on August 9. Meanwhile in Europe, Trump shaped ecstasy pills were seized by German police, so at least someone is having a good time in all of this chaos. 

• Wednesday, August 23: Trump started the morning with tweeting about how great his speech in Arizona was while dragging Republican Senator Jeff Flake. You didn't need a crystal ball to see this coming.

• Thursday, August 24: The transgender ban once again rears its ugly head as Trump presses on with his ridiculous transphobic nonsense. The plan is to "stop admitting transgender people; and for current transgender troops, the Pentagon should consider a service member's ability to deploy when determining whether to expel them." All of this ignores the fact that a person's willingness to serve their country has nothing to do with their sexual orientation or gender. Trump also retweeted a meme of himself "eclipsing" president Obama, which many people in the scientific community took umbrage with. Sarah Huckabee Sanders gave her first press conference in three weeks where she continued to push Trump's rhetoric about the border wall. 
• Friday, August 25: Trump began the morning, as he is wont to do, with a series of tweets talking about how great he is, but he refrained from speaking about Hurricane Harvey, one of the worst storm systems in recorded history. Later in the day, Trump officially pardoned Sheriff Arpaio, a racist criminal, as people across Texas and Louisiana feared for their lives mid hurricane. THEN, according to the Associated Press, White House national security aide Sebastian Gorka resigned from his position, saying that: "the individuals who most embodied and represented the policies that will 'Make America Great Again,' have been internally countered, systematically removed, or undermined in recent months." Was he speaking about his white supremacy bro Steve Bannon? There's no way to know, but Gorka did say that he was going back to Breitbart after his stint in the White House, so interpret that how you will. How's that for a late day news dump?

• Saturday, August 26: Trump let it be known that he was watching Hurricane Harvey from the safety of "very rustic" Camp David. He also declared August 26 National Women's Day, are you happy now ladies?

• Sunday, August 27: Somehow Trump managed to make Hurricane Harvey, a national disaster, into yet another one of his grandstanding "accomplishments." He noted that Harvey was a once-in-500-year flood (which sounds inaccurate), and he said that "we" have an "effort" going. But that raises the question, what is the effort? And should a president be applauded for carrying out the basic functions of their job? And is he even doing his job, or is this just more grandstanding via Twitter? Does anyone else need a drink?

Trump spent his week watching the Jenga blocks of his presidency crumble around him as his former cohorts bowed to the Cohen investigation. He spent the rest of the week bombarding Twitter with his thoughts about Jeff Sessions and the FBI. 

• Monday, August 20: Trump's administration scrambled to protect themselves from Special Counsel Robert Mueller's investigation. White House Counsel Don McGahn "cooperated extensively" in Mueller's investigation, spending over 30 hours in the interview process. 
• The New York Times noted how bizarre it was for a lawyer to willingly scrutinize their own client. The panic is setting in for Trump's lawyers, who are somehow just now realizing they have no idea what McGahn has said, despite the fact he has been interviewing over the past nine months. 
   
• Tuesday, August 21: The Justice Department rooted out criminals from nearly every part of President Trump's life. Paul Manafort, Trump's former campaign chairman, was found guilty on eight financial charges – five for tax fraud, one for hiding foreign bank accounts, and two for bank fraud. The judge declared a mistrial on 10 remaining counts. He's facing a max prison sentence of 80 years.
• This news broke just as Michael Cohen, Trump's former lawyer, pleaded guilty to bank fraud, tax fraud, and campaign finance violations in federal court. Cohen claimed Trump told him to give two women hush money concerning alleged sexual affairs, a violation of campaign finance laws. While all this was going down, Trump was in West Virginia promoting his proposal to roll back Obama-era coal pollution standards.
   
• Wednesday, August 22: Cohen's felony pleas tie President Trump uncomfortably close to criminal acts as president. Prior to this confession, investigations involving Russian election interference and campaign violations were centered on Trump's staff, not the president himself.
• Naturally, this sent the President into a tweeting frenzy, during which he slammed his former attorney, called Manafort a "brave man," and referred to Manafort's case as a "Witch Hunt," citing the 10 counts declared as mistrials. Cohen attacked back, saying he is willing to share "all that he knows" with Robert Mueller.
   
• Thursday, August 23: In an interview with Fox News on Thursday morning, the president created a new legal mess when he claimed that the payments Michael Cohen made to Stormy Daniels and Karen McDougal weren't illegal because they didn't come from his campaign. Trump said that the payments didn't come out of campaign finance, but rather they came from his own pocket. He said, "Did they come out of the campaign? They didn’t come out of the campaign, they came from me.”
   
• Friday, August 24: After a lack of denuclearization on the part of North Korea, Trump canceled plans for secretary of state Mike Pompeo to visit the hermit country. North Korea responded by decrying America's "double-dealing" attitude." Early on Friday morning, Trump lambasted Jeff Sessions for refusing to investigate Hillary Clinton, the Democratic party, and the false claim of surveillance of the Trump Campaign in the lead up to the election. 

• Saturday, August 25: Trump's Twitter feed took viewers on a wild ride on Saturday. Beginning at about 6am the president commented on everything from America's relationship with Mexico to Hillary's emails, Jeff Sessions, the FBI, and Vince McMahon. 

• Sunday, August 26: On Sunday CNN reported that the president refused to issue a statement on the death of Senator John McCain, saying that he'd rather post a tweet than release an official press release. Supposedly the statement was written prior to the Senator's death and underwent a final edit over the weekend, but the president refused to release it. Instead, he posted a short tweet on Saturday night. 

Trump spent the first half of his week visiting the survivors of various national crises, but by the end of the first week of October, he was back to his old tricks, including rolling back Obamacare for millions of Americans. 

• Monday, October 2: After a Sunday evening marked by the most deadly spree killing in modern American history, Trump sort of pushed for bipartisan unity, urging Americans to find some kind of "meaning in the chaos." It was genuinely strange to hear Trump give a speech without going off the rails and talking about himself or fake news. But it's only Monday.
• Tuesday, October 3: Trump made his way to the devastation of Puerto Rico and immediately turned what should have been a somber day of reflection on global warming and the way America treats people of color in crisis into a full-on goat rodeo. First, he tossed some paper towels into the audience, an action that had a very "let them eat cake" subtext, and then he hurricane shamed people of Puerto Rico. In a meeting with Puerto Rican officials, he said that they should feel “very proud” that they haven’t lost hundreds of lives like what happened in “a real catastrophe like Katirina.” You can almost see Trump's PR people tugging at their collars and saying "woof." 
• Wednesday, October 4: Rex Tillerson called a press conference on Wednesday to alleviate some of the increasing pressure between him and the President – and to make sure everyone knows that he didn't call the President a "moron," and also that Mike Pense definitely didn't have to to step in to mediate this situation. That being said, calling attention to something like this makes it seem like it definitely did happen. Or, as the President says, maybe the whole thing was #fakenews. 

• Thursday, October 5: Thursday was the beginning of two very big days in the Trump administration. First, Trump announced that he plans to decertify the Iran deal, leaving Congress with the heavy lifting of figuring out whether or not the US should reinstate the previous nuclear sanctions against the country. Trump hosted top military officials and their spouses for dinner at the White House and teased a possible war by saying “this could be the calm before the storm.” He refused to elaborate on what he meant by this terrifying claim. Finally, Trump tweeted that it was "wonderful" to see the victims of Las Vegas, but was it really wonderful? There has to be a better adjective for this.

• Friday, October 6: The Trump administration dealt a major blow to the Obamacare birth control mandate by rolling back the law on medical coverage for women. Trump's new rules say that an employer can choose not to provide contraceptive coverage to women on moral or religious beliefs. Keep in mind that birth control isn't simply meant to be used as a contraceptive; it also decreases the risks of ovarian cysts. Another week, another blatant disregard for human life. 

• Saturday, October 7: Trump continued to get his Twitter on by posting a series of tweets condemning those big, mean late night hosts for making fun of him. He suggested that if comedians were going to make fun of the Right, they should spend an equal amount of time making fun of the Left. Remember: this is the guy who actually hosted Saturday Night Live.

• Sunday, October 8: Trump went on a weird tweet storm on Sunday morning, claiming that Sen. Corker of Tennessee begged for his endorsement. Then, he praised VP Pence for leaving a football stadium if any players kneeled; some are calling it a $242,500 racist publicity stunt. It was a light day for the President.