As the old aphorism goes, "beauty is pain." It's a philosophy that goes back a long way, and spans a myriad of bizarre practices from sadistic (if whimsical) weight loss techniques to the barbaric practice of foot-binding. Today's beauty regimens are comparatively less extreme, on the whole, but not to worry: the world still abounds with strange and exotic techniques for making oneself alluring.
Read on to find out why people encapsulated their heads in Medieval-torture devices, allowed themselves to be impaled through the mouth, bored holes into their cheeks to make dimples, and even (literally) set themselves on fire. All in the name of glamour and eternal youth.
Blood Cream - The Vampire's (And Kim Kardashian's) ChoicePhoto: YouTube
A few years ago, Kim Kardashian made headlines when she smeared her own face with her own blood for the sake of beauty. Since then, the trend appears to have caught on - mostly in the form of a vampire cream created by one Dr. Barbara Sturm.
According to Emily Ferber at Into the Gloss, Dr. Sturm (who inspired Kardashian's facial) is known for her ability to harness blood into beauty. The process goes like this:
"For the bespoke cream, she funnels a client's blood through a special vial that stimulates the blood to react like you've been injured. It's those resulting, healing proteins that fuel the cream... what I did not realize was that Dr. Sturm would be taking our blood right after the wait staff took our coffee orders. She set up shop at the bar and started taking blood from a line of increasingly anxious editors."
The verdict? The cream worked like a charm, so the next time you get a blood test, it might be a good idea to ask if you can keep the sample.5,3822,187Is this too extreme?
Wrinkle Prevention Masks That Turn Your Face Into A Horror MoviePhoto: Witty Feed
Pet Sematary's tagline was "Sometimes, Dead is Better" and the same observation could easily be applied to these "wrinkle-reducing masks," which turn their wearers into formidable ghouls. What's a few blemishes, compared to looking like a homicidal maniac?4,0541,647Is this too extreme?
A "Youth Mask" That Involved Yanking Your Face Up And Down Like A Puppet MasterPhoto: Gizmodo
Double-chins and the inevitable flab of age are difficult things to contend with. But as long as you have the "reigns" of state-of-the-art anti-aging techniques in your hands (so to speak), you can always pull and manipulate your facial fat out of existence. That's where "Curves of Youth" - which also promised to restore a "rounded contour to thin, scrawny necks and faces" - came into the picture.
The rest was just a matter of selling tickets to your own puppet show.3,4451,397Is this too extreme?
The Inverted Nipple Suction "Dream Charm" AdjusterPhoto: Japan Trend Shop
The Inverted Nipple Suction Dream Charm Adjuster could probably be sold in tandem with the Color Me Foundation Vibrator, but the former is much more extravagantly bizarre. It involves putting your breasts into a device that resembles an alien child's mouth, and then allowing said mouth (in the form of state-of-the-art "suction") to re-invert your nipples from the inside-out.
Japan Trend Shop recommends conducting the sketchy (and probably not medically advisable) procedure for "three or fives minutes a session per day," but it's possible even five seconds is long enough to have your nipple sucked into the void for all eternity so take this with a grain of salt...3,7051,578Is this too extreme?