How can I put this lightly? Okay, I can't. Dating sucks! Sure, it’s fun to get dolled up, talk about yourself, and receive flattery from strangers, but after several rounds of douchey duds, you’ve sworn off dating forever and you’re ready to join a nudist commune in Colorado. So what’s the deal? Why can’t we just make some sexy eye contact in a bar, follow our pheromones, and call it a date?
Bad dates are a lot easier to come by than good dates. When you’re looking for something more than just a casual hookup, there are tons of dating deal breakers floating around in your subconscious as you judge your date from across the table. Why is he talking about himself so much? Why is he talking about his mom so much? Is that a tattoo of a yin yang on his wrist? Is he already drunk off that lemon drop?
If you’ve ever found yourself on a bad date, you can probably commiserate with many of the inexcusable deal breakers listed below. And if you’re just getting back into the game, read through this list of the worst dating offenses ever before you start weeding through your OKCupid messages.Which characteristics cause you to kick that a**hat to the curb? Vote for the deal breakers you think are impossible to overlook, and add any cringeworthy offenses you don't see listed. And if he starts sending you shirtless selfies, channel your inner Liz Lemon and shut it down!
You don't follow up after the first date
You brag about not having read a book since high school
You're overly touchy too soon
You don't introduce me to people we run into
You always show up late
You're a terrible kisser
You have bad grammar
Too much after shave and male perfume
You say things like, "It's chill baby," or, "I got you," with zero irony
You don't have any male friends
Any of your profile pictures look like this one
You refer to women as "chicks"
On a first date, you say, "Well I dunno, what do you want to do?"
You text me awkward selfies (i.e. lying in bed, shirt off in front of the mirror)
You think being environmentally conscious is just something hippies do
It takes you longer to get ready than it takes me
You have gauges the size of quarters in your ears
You only listen to Top 40 Country Music
You say overeager things like, "I can't wait for you to meet my parents!"
You smell like the entrance of an Abercrombie and Fitch store
You immediately start complaining about work or your bad day
You have any of the following tattoos: tribal symbols, yin yangs, Chinese dragons, phrases like "only God can judge me," etc.
You have terrible fashion sense
You impulsively use emojis in every text message