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Sports

The Best Football Jokes 

Jack Napier
Updated June 14, 2019 919 votes 485 voters 12k views

List Rules Vote up any funny joke about football

This list contains some of the funniest football jokes, ranked by your votes. These one-liners and punchlines are taken from some of the funniest football jokes of all time. This list includes jokes for hardened football fans, as well as cute football jokes that everyone can enjoy. Football puns!

What are some examples of the good football jokes that appear on this list? One of our favorite football jokes is, “Why did the offensive lineman with a concussion go to the bank?” “To get his quarterback.” That is a fun football joke that the whole family can enjoy. Isn't it? You bet it is. This list also includes funny football jokes about the players, fans and referees.

Most of the clever football jokes on this page are written with the traditional set-up, punchline delivery in mind. You know... like jokes. Some of these funny football jokes are aimed at specific teams, while others are enjoyable jokes that are more general about the sport of football.

Which funny football joke is your favorite? Take a look at this list and be sure to vote the funniest football jokes to the top spot. Also share some jokes of your own!

list ordered by
1
How is losing money in a... is listed (or ranked) 1 on the list The Best Football Jokes
How is losing money in a payphone like a football game?
If you don’t get the quarter back, you hit the receiver.
2
How many Chicago Bears d... is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list The Best Football Jokes
How many Chicago Bears does it take to win a Super Bowl?
Only one, Walter Payton, and he's retired.
3
What's the difference be... is listed (or ranked) 3 on the list The Best Football Jokes
What's the difference between the Green Bay Packers and a dollar bill?
You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
4
If you have a car contai... is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list The Best Football Jokes
If you have a car containing a Cowboys wide receiver, a Cowboys linebacker, and a Dallas Cowboys defensive back, who is driving the car?
The cop.
5
What is the difference b... is listed (or ranked) 5 on the list The Best Football Jokes
What is the difference between a New England Patriots fan and a baby?
The baby will stop whining after awhile.
6
Why are the 49ers like a... is listed (or ranked) 6 on the list The Best Football Jokes
Why are the 49ers like a possum?
Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.
7
Why did the offensive li... is listed (or ranked) 7 on the list The Best Football Jokes
Why did the offensive lineman with a concussion go to the bank?
To get his quarterback.
8
Where do you go in Chica... is listed (or ranked) 8 on the list The Best Football Jokes
Where do you go in Chicago in case of a tornado?
Soldier Field they never get a touchdown there.
9
Did you hear that Detroi... is listed (or ranked) 9 on the list The Best Football Jokes
Did you hear that Detroit Lions football team doesn't have a website?
They can't string three "Ws" together.
10
Why do Nebraska football... is listed (or ranked) 10 on the list The Best Football Jokes
Why do Nebraska football players like smart women?
Opposites attract.
11
How do you get a former ... is listed (or ranked) 11 on the list The Best Football Jokes
How do you get a former Ohio State football player off your porch?
Pay him for the pizza.
12
Why did god invent footb... is listed (or ranked) 12 on the list The Best Football Jokes
Why did god invent football?
So that married men could have some physical contact in their lives.
13
Where do football player... is listed (or ranked) 13 on the list The Best Football Jokes
Where do football players dance?
At a football.
14
Why did the poor quarter... is listed (or ranked) 14 on the list The Best Football Jokes
Why did the poor quarterback have his receivers cross at midfield?
Because he was trying to make ends meet.
15
How do you keep the Balt... is listed (or ranked) 15 on the list The Best Football Jokes
How do you keep the Baltimore Ravens out of your front yard?
Put up goal posts.
16
Why doesn't Toledo have ... is listed (or ranked) 16 on the list The Best Football Jokes
Why doesn't Toledo have a professional football team?
Because then Cleveland would want one.
17
What did the football co... is listed (or ranked) 17 on the list The Best Football Jokes
What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?
Give me my quarterback.
18
How can you spot a Tenne... is listed (or ranked) 18 on the list The Best Football Jokes
How can you spot a Tennessee fan at a wedding?
Just look for the guy in the orange T-shirt.
19
What is Tom brady's favo... is listed (or ranked) 19 on the list The Best Football Jokes
What is Tom brady's favorite letter?
Sssssssss (sound of air leaking from a ball).
20
What do you call 47 peop... is listed (or ranked) 20 on the list The Best Football Jokes
What do you call 47 people sitting around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
21
Did you guys hear about ... is listed (or ranked) 21 on the list The Best Football Jokes
Did you guys hear about the NFL player who hits women?
No the other one. No the other one.
22
Why did the football say... is listed (or ranked) 22 on the list The Best Football Jokes
Why did the football say owwwwww?
Because the man kicked him.
23
What is the most common ... is listed (or ranked) 23 on the list The Best Football Jokes
What is the most common phrase used by a former Colorado football player?
Would you like fries with that?
24
Why are so many Seattle ... is listed (or ranked) 24 on the list The Best Football Jokes
Why are so many Seattle Seahawks players claiming they have the Swine Flu?
So they don't have to touch the pigskin.
25
Why was the pig ejected ... is listed (or ranked) 25 on the list The Best Football Jokes
Why was the pig ejected from the football game?
For playing dirty.