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The Best Football Jokes

Updated June 14, 2019 1.1k votes 506 voters 12.5k views

List RulesVote up any funny joke about football

This list contains some of the funniest football jokes, ranked by your votes. These one-liners and punchlines are taken from some of the funniest football jokes of all time. This list includes jokes for hardened football fans, as well as cute football jokes that everyone can enjoy. Football puns!

What are some examples of the good football jokes that appear on this list? One of our favorite football jokes is, “Why did the offensive lineman with a concussion go to the bank?” “To get his quarterback.” That is a fun football joke that the whole family can enjoy. Isn't it? You bet it is. This list also includes funny football jokes about the players, fans and referees.

Most of the clever football jokes on this page are written with the traditional set-up, punchline delivery in mind. You know... like jokes. Some of these funny football jokes are aimed at specific teams, while others are enjoyable jokes that are more general about the sport of football.

Which funny football joke is your favorite? Take a look at this list and be sure to vote the funniest football jokes to the top spot. Also share some jokes of your own!

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  • 1
    53
    38

    How many Chicago Bears does it take to win a Super Bowl?

    Only one, Walter Payton, and he's retired.
  • 2
    59
    44

    How is losing money in a payphone like a football game?

    If you don’t get the quarter back, you hit the receiver.
  • 3
    43
    34

    What's the difference between the Green Bay Packers and a dollar bill?

    You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
  • 4
    20
    9

    Did you hear that Detroit Lions football team doesn't have a website?

    They can't string three "Ws" together.
  • 5
    34
    28

    If you have a car containing a Cowboys wide receiver, a Cowboys linebacker, and a Dallas Cowboys defensive back, who is driving the car?

    The cop.
  • 6
    23
    16

    Why did god invent football?

    So that married men could have some physical contact in their lives.
  • 7
    25
    23

    Why did the offensive lineman with a concussion go to the bank?

    To get his quarterback.
  • 8
    20
    17

    How do you get a former Ohio State football player off your porch?

    Pay him for the pizza.
  • 9
    22
    22

    Why do Nebraska football players like smart women?

    Opposites attract.
  • 10
    15
    13

    Why did the poor quarterback have his receivers cross at midfield?

    Because he was trying to make ends meet.
  • 11
    22
    24

    Where do football players dance?

    At a football.
  • 12
    13
    10

    Why doesn't Toledo have a professional football team?

    Because then Cleveland would want one.
  • 13
    13
    11

    What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?

    Give me my quarterback.
  • 14
    8
    8

    What do you call 47 people sitting around a TV watching the Super Bowl?

  • 15
    16
    20

    What is Tom brady's favorite letter?

    Sssssssss (sound of air leaking from a ball).
  • 16
    12
    15

    How can you spot a Tennessee fan at a wedding?

    Just look for the guy in the orange T-shirt.
  • 17
    28
    41

    What is the difference between a New England Patriots fan and a baby?

    The baby will stop whining after awhile.
  • 18
    6
    9

    Why are so many Seattle Seahawks players claiming they have the Swine Flu?

    So they don't have to touch the pigskin.
  • 19
    13
    20

    Why did the football say owwwwww?

    Because the man kicked him.
  • 20
    24
    38

    Where do you go in Chicago in case of a tornado?

    Soldier Field they never get a touchdown there.
  • 21
    7
    12

    Why was the pig ejected from the football game?

    For playing dirty.
  • 22
    30
    49

    Why are the 49ers like a possum?

    Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.
  • 23
    7
    15

    What is the most common phrase used by a former Colorado football player?

    Would you like fries with that?
  • 24
    8
    20

    Did you guys hear about the NFL player who hits women?

    No the other one. No the other one.
  • 25
    17
    35

    How do you keep the Baltimore Ravens out of your front yard?

    Put up goal posts.