Getting older is a fact of life, but that doesn't make it any easier to deal with. Fortunately, there are countless comedians who've given the world classic one-liners about aging, thereby helping take the sting out of all the challenges growing old entails. If one laughs about old age, haven't they already won half the battle?
From stand-up comedy legends to up-and-coming jokesters, old age has long been a source of humor. The best jokes about aging skewer the aspects of growing older that are tough for everyone to accept; the slowing down of the body, the rapid advancement of a world that feels like it's moving forward without you, and of course, looking older.
When a person can find the comedy in a difficult reality, it's safe to say they've reached a mature age.
It’s good to be here… but at 98, it’s good to be anywhere.
George Burns, as quoted in JBrish
As you get older, the pickings get slimmer, but the people sure don't.
Carrie Fisher, in a 2014 Twitter post
Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
Phyllis Diller, as quoted in The Coming Generational Storm: What You Need to Know about America's Future
You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.
George Burns, as quoted in Prepare to Defend Yourself: How to Age Gracefully and Escape with Your Dignity
I Told My Doctor I Wanna Stop Aging; He Gave Me A Gun.
Rodney Dangerfield, as quoted in Return to the '80s
I'm so old they've cancelled my blood type.
Bob Hope, as quoted in the Chicago Tribune
You know you’re getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don’t know anyone who can see through it.
Joan Rivers, as quoted in Snippets of Joan Rivers
You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re told to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.
Joan Rivers, as quoted in The Telegraph
You know, you get that tattoo of barbed wire when you’re 18, but by the time you’re 80, it’s a picket fence.
Robin Williams, as quoted in SFGate
You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things, like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: stuff you pay good money for in later life.
Emo Philips, as quoted in WTF? College: How to Survive 101 of Campus's Worst F*#!-ing Situations
You know you’re getting old when you start watching golf on TV and enjoying it.
Larry Miller, as quoted in Dick Enberg's Humorous Quotes For All Occasions
What's the advantage of having kids at 49? You can both be in diapers at the same time?
Sue Kolinsky, as quoted in That's Funny: Getting Older!
Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
Phyllis Diller, as quoted in Funny Ladies: The Best Humor from America's Funniest Women
Maybe a silver Lining to growing old is being able to watch 'Usual Suspects' for the first time, again.
Gary Gulman, as quoted in AZ Quotes
I just need to make it to 34 and I’ve beaten Jesus at living.
Sarah Millican, as quoted in The Telegraph