Ah, Justin Bieber: the boy king of obnoxious turds everywhere. And yet, despite his immature antics and awkwardly suggestive underwear ads, you have to admit the guy is talented. Whether you harbor a secret crush on Justin Bieber, or can’t stand the sight of him, we can all join together in appreciation of that most sacred celebrity ritual: the roast.
Bieber put on his big boy pants and sat through the hilarious, but obviously painful experience of being made fun of by fellow celebs. Comedy Central gathered everyone from Kevin Hart to Martha Stewart, Ludacris to Shaquille O’Neal in order to take jabs at the easiest target in Hollywood.
Cursing yourself for not getting tickets earlier? Fear not! Even Beiber-haters without televisions can enjoy the jokes at his expense. Here we’ve crafted a thorough collection of wild and funny jokes from the Justin Bieber Roast to get you up to date in no time. You’ll find some of the best quotes from the Justin Bieber roast, ranging from jabs at Justin, to pokes at other presenters, and even a couple great punches thrown by the Beib himself.
So whether you love him or hate him, can’t get enough of him or can’t even handle him right now, get ready to have a good time. Don’t worry Bie-liebers, though some of the jokes are a little more heavy-handed than others, the Bieb did a great job of laughing along. He may even forgive you for laughing too.
list ordered by
"Lately a lot of people have been pointing their fingers at you — and those are just lesbians showing the barber how they want their haircut."Jeff Ross
“Ebola patients hear about ‘Bieber fever’ and say, ‘I’m gonna go ahead and ride this one out.'"Kevin Hart
"You gotta give it up for Justin. He started from the bottom... and he's still a bottom."Hannibal Buress
“Is it true you dumped her because she grew a mustache before you?”Jeff Ross
“You bought a monkey! I mean, that monkey was more embarrassed than the one that started the AIDS epidemic.”Snoop Dogg
"You have left so many horrible and unwatchable videos, you should change your name to Vanilla ISIS."Snoop Dogg
"You've become a cocky little sh*t. You are the King Joffrey of pop."Jeff Ross
"Justin, Selena Gomez had to f*ck you. She is literally the least lucky Selena in all of entertainment history."Nathasha Leggero
“They say that you roast the ones you love, but I don’t like you at all, man. I’m just here because it’s a real good opportunity for me.”Hannibal Buress
Kevin has a Napoleon complex. Kevin, Napoleon was the leader of France. Ludacris, France is in Europe. Justin, Europe's a continent. Shaq, a continent is not a free breakfast.Natasha Leggero
"You're like our beetles. Not the band, but the bugs that live in sh*t."Ludacris
"Kevin, you are everywhere. He is going to be on the next season of Game of Thrones. He's going to play Peter Dinklage's shadow."Nathasha Leggero
"Usher is the one who took you under his wing. You're the worst thing that Usher has done to America, since the guy who sat John Wilkes Booth behind Abraham Lincoln."Pete Davidson
“What do you get when you give a teenager $200 million? A bunch of has-beens calling you a lesbian for two hours.”Justin Bieber
"Find yourself the right gal... someone powerful and famous and rich. Someone you can smoke a joint with or engage in the occasional three-way. I’m talking about a player in the boardroom and a freak in the bedroom...call me.”Martha Stewart
"Martha, thanks for coming. I know that's something you probably don't do much of anymore."Justin Bieber
"I hate your music more than Bill Cosby hates my comedy."Hannibal Buress
"If Anne Frank had heard your music, she would've Uber'd to Auschwitz."Jeff Ross
"It's an honor to be at a roast hosted by Shaq's dick."Pete Davidson
"Those Calvin Klein billboards you made are terrible. And I was in Whitney."Chris D'Elia