The Best Jokes from the Justin Bieber Roast

Ashley Reign
March 18, 2015 8.3K votes 1.0K voters 32.1K views
Voting Rules
Rank your favorite Bieber blasts

Ah, Justin Bieber: the boy king of obnoxious turds everywhere. And yet, despite his immature antics and awkwardly suggestive underwear ads, you have to admit the guy is talented. Whether you harbor a secret crush on Justin Bieber, or can’t stand the sight of him, we can all join together in appreciation of that most sacred celebrity ritual: the roast.

Bieber put on his big boy pants and sat through the hilarious, but obviously painful experience of being made fun of by fellow celebs. Comedy Central gathered everyone from Kevin Hart to Martha Stewart, Ludacris to Shaquille O’Neal in order to take jabs at the easiest target in Hollywood.

Cursing yourself for not getting tickets earlier? Fear not! Even Beiber-haters without televisions can enjoy the jokes at his expense. Here we’ve crafted a thorough collection of wild and funny jokes from the Justin Bieber Roast to get you up to date in no time. You’ll find some of the best quotes from the Justin Bieber roast, ranging from jabs at Justin, to pokes at other presenters, and even a couple great punches thrown by the Beib himself.

 So whether you love him or hate him, can’t get enough of him or can’t even handle him right now, get ready to have a good time. Don’t worry Bie-liebers, though some of the jokes are a little more heavy-handed than others, the Bieb did a great job of laughing along. He may even forgive you for laughing too.
Ranked by
  • "Lately a lot of people have been pointing their fingers at you — and those are just lesbians showing the barber how they want their haircut."
    1

    "Lately a lot of people have been pointing their fingers at you — and those are just lesbians showing the barber how they want their haircut."

    Jeff Ross
    253 votes
  • "Bieber has 10 million fans – most are in middle schools, or standing at least 500 feet away from one."
    2

    "Bieber has 10 million fans – most are in middle schools, or standing at least 500 feet away from one."

    Kevin Hart
    213 votes
  • “Selena Gomez wanted to be here, but she’s dating men now."
    3

    “Selena Gomez wanted to be here, but she’s dating men now."

    Jeff Ross
    220 votes
  • "Justin's Canadian. He's actually considered American, because no Canadian has ever been this much of an asshole."
    4

    "Justin's Canadian. He's actually considered American, because no Canadian has ever been this much of an asshole."

    Kevin Hart
    189 votes
  • "All these rappers on stage and Martha Stewart has done the most jail time."
    5

    "All these rappers on stage and Martha Stewart has done the most jail time."

    Martha Stewart
    191 votes
  • “Last year, you were ranked the fifth most hated person of all time. Kim Jong-Un didn’t rank that low. And he uses your music to torture people.”
    6

    “Last year, you were ranked the fifth most hated person of all time. Kim Jong-Un didn’t rank that low. And he uses your music to torture people.”

    Shaq
    212 votes