Mockery

The Best Jokes from the Justin Bieber Roast 

Ashley Reign
8k votes 971 voters 31.5k views 34 items

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Ah, Justin Bieber: the boy king of obnoxious turds everywhere. And yet, despite his immature antics and awkwardly suggestive underwear ads, you have to admit the guy is talented. Whether you harbor a secret crush on Justin Bieber, or can’t stand the sight of him, we can all join together in appreciation of that most sacred celebrity ritual: the roast.

Bieber put on his big boy pants and sat through the hilarious, but obviously painful experience of being made fun of by fellow celebs. Comedy Central gathered everyone from Kevin Hart to Martha Stewart, Ludacris to Shaquille O’Neal in order to take jabs at the easiest target in Hollywood.

Cursing yourself for not getting tickets earlier? Fear not! Even Beiber-haters without televisions can enjoy the jokes at his expense. Here we’ve crafted a thorough collection of wild and funny jokes from the Justin Bieber Roast to get you up to date in no time. You’ll find some of the best quotes from the Justin Bieber roast, ranging from jabs at Justin, to pokes at other presenters, and even a couple great punches thrown by the Beib himself.

 So whether you love him or hate him, can’t get enough of him or can’t even handle him right now, get ready to have a good time. Don’t worry Bie-liebers, though some of the jokes are a little more heavy-handed than others, the Bieb did a great job of laughing along. He may even forgive you for laughing too.
list ordered by
1
"Lately a lot of pe... is listed (or ranked) 1 on the list The Best Jokes from the Justin Bieber Roast
"Lately a lot of people have been pointing their fingers at you — and those are just lesbians showing the barber how they want their haircut."
Jeff Ross
2
“Selena Gomez wanted to ... is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list The Best Jokes from the Justin Bieber Roast
“Selena Gomez wanted to be here, but she’s dating men now."
Jeff Ross
3
"Bieber has 10 mill... is listed (or ranked) 3 on the list The Best Jokes from the Justin Bieber Roast
"Bieber has 10 million fans – most are in middle schools, or standing at least 500 feet away from one."
Kevin Hart
4
"Justin's Canadian.... is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list The Best Jokes from the Justin Bieber Roast
"Justin's Canadian. He's actually considered American, because no Canadian has ever been this much of an asshole."
Kevin Hart
5
"All these rappers ... is listed (or ranked) 5 on the list The Best Jokes from the Justin Bieber Roast
"All these rappers on stage and Martha Stewart has done the most jail time."
Martha Stewart
6
“Last year, you were ran... is listed (or ranked) 6 on the list The Best Jokes from the Justin Bieber Roast
“Last year, you were ranked the fifth most hated person of all time. Kim Jong-Un didn’t rank that low. And he uses your music to torture people.”
Shaq
7
"... You haven't pu... is listed (or ranked) 7 on the list The Best Jokes from the Justin Bieber Roast
"... You haven't put out an album in three years. What are you doing? If you listen closely you can hear the sounds of One Direction f*cking your fans."
Jeff Ross
8
“You have it all. Except... is listed (or ranked) 8 on the list The Best Jokes from the Justin Bieber Roast
“You have it all. Except love, friends, good parents, and a Grammy."
Chris D'Elia
9
"Justin's fans are ... is listed (or ranked) 9 on the list The Best Jokes from the Justin Bieber Roast
"Justin's fans are called Beliebers, because these days it's considered politically incorrect to use the term retards."
Nathasha Leggero
10
"I know you've been... is listed (or ranked) 10 on the list The Best Jokes from the Justin Bieber Roast
"I know you've been on Ellen 14 times. You act so much like a p*ssy on the show, Ellen tried to eat you."
Ludacris
11
"Justin, you have n... is listed (or ranked) 11 on the list The Best Jokes from the Justin Bieber Roast
"Justin, you have no idea what you're in for. I'm sure it's great to have 60 million followers on Twitter, but the only place people will be following you in jail is into the shower."
Martha Stewart
12
“Justin Bieber wants to ... is listed (or ranked) 12 on the list The Best Jokes from the Justin Bieber Roast
“Justin Bieber wants to be black so bad, he’s actually seen Kevin Hart’s movies in theaters.”
Ludacris
13
“Tonight we’re going to ... is listed (or ranked) 13 on the list The Best Jokes from the Justin Bieber Roast
“Tonight we’re going to do what his parents and the legal system should have done years ago. We’re going to give this boy an ass-whoopin’.”
Kevin Hart
14
Kevin has a Napoleon com... is listed (or ranked) 14 on the list The Best Jokes from the Justin Bieber Roast
Kevin has a Napoleon complex. Kevin, Napoleon was the leader of France. Ludacris, France is in Europe. Justin, Europe's a continent. Shaq, a continent is not a free breakfast.
Natasha Leggero
15
"Selena Gomez could... is listed (or ranked) 15 on the list The Best Jokes from the Justin Bieber Roast
"Selena Gomez couldn't be here tonight. Just because she didn't want to be here."
Kevin Hart
16
“Is it true you dumped h... is listed (or ranked) 16 on the list The Best Jokes from the Justin Bieber Roast
“Is it true you dumped her because she grew a mustache before you?”
Jeff Ross
17
“You bought a monkey! I ... is listed (or ranked) 17 on the list The Best Jokes from the Justin Bieber Roast
“You bought a monkey! I mean, that monkey was more embarrassed than the one that started the AIDS epidemic.”
Snoop Dogg
18
“Ebola patients hear abo... is listed (or ranked) 18 on the list The Best Jokes from the Justin Bieber Roast
“Ebola patients hear about ‘Bieber fever’ and say, ‘I’m gonna go ahead and ride this one out.'"
Kevin Hart
19
"Justin's life chan... is listed (or ranked) 19 on the list The Best Jokes from the Justin Bieber Roast
"Justin's life changed when Usher heard one of his songs and liked it, which only goes to prove that Usher ain't black."
Snoop Dogg
20
"You have left so m... is listed (or ranked) 20 on the list The Best Jokes from the Justin Bieber Roast
"You have left so many horrible and unwatchable videos, you should change your name to Vanilla ISIS."
Snoop Dogg
21
"You gotta give it ... is listed (or ranked) 21 on the list The Best Jokes from the Justin Bieber Roast
"You gotta give it up for Justin. He started from the bottom... and he's still a bottom."
Hannibal Buress
22
"You've become a co... is listed (or ranked) 22 on the list The Best Jokes from the Justin Bieber Roast
"You've become a cocky little sh*t. You are the King Joffrey of pop."
Jeff Ross
23
"Justin, Selena Gom... is listed (or ranked) 23 on the list The Best Jokes from the Justin Bieber Roast
"Justin, Selena Gomez had to f*ck you. She is literally the least lucky Selena in all of entertainment history."
Nathasha Leggero
24
“They say that you roast... is listed (or ranked) 24 on the list The Best Jokes from the Justin Bieber Roast
“They say that you roast the ones you love, but I don’t like you at all, man. I’m just here because it’s a real good opportunity for me.”
Hannibal Buress
25
"Kevin, you are eve... is listed (or ranked) 25 on the list The Best Jokes from the Justin Bieber Roast
"Kevin, you are everywhere. He is going to be on the next season of Game of Thrones. He's going to play Peter Dinklage's shadow."
Nathasha Leggero