Unspeakable Times

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30 Hilarious Quotes From The 'My Favorite Murder' Podcast That Make Us Proud To Be Murderinos

March 5, 2020 6.7k votes 722 voters 11.7k views30 items

For anyone obsessed with true crime, the My Favorite Murder podcast is a must-listen. Since January 13, 2016, Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark have told sordid tales of intrigue, villainy, and - most importantly - murder to their denizens of adoring fans, inter-spliced with their witty commentary and the occasional meow from Georgia's cookie-loving cat, Elvis.

Since their flagship episode first aired, the pair has become a well-known voice in the true crime world, and with their constant stream of gripping cases and knee-slapping jokes, it's not hard to see why. Here are some of the funniest quotes from the MFM podcast that make us proud to be part of Karen and Georgia’s crew of “murderinos.”

1
454
50
"You're in a cult, call your dad."
2
321
27
"Isn’t dating hard enough without thinking, 'What if someone’s just setting me up for life insurance?'"
3
348
40
"There’s a fine line between adventure and trauma."
4
358
44
"There’s no benefit to unlocked front doors! None! What, do you want the outside world to think you’re chill? Knock it the f*ck off."
5
277
25
"This dimension is hard enough. I can’t f*cking entertain aliens and their sh*t."
6
272
30
"Don't take sh*t to your grave. You're being a selfish d*ck."
7
244
21
"I'm not a doctor, but if you're feeling paranoid, think you're seeing things... Acid isn't the way."

8
288
40
"I rest my case, your Honor. May I approach the bench with a Lisa Frank notebook?"
9
215
15
"Everything’s fine until it’s not fine and there’s a naked f*cking guy watching you sleep."
10
234
28
"If you need to wear a Freddy Krueger mask and try to r*pe young women, you need to go to a hospital. Called jail."
11
242
41
"This is the episode where we pour blue water onto the maxi pad of your interest."
12
222
35
"Burn that f*cker down, take the insurance check, and buy yourself some mid-century modern furniture."
13
211
31
"Here’s how I’m going to interpret the law: Like a godd*mn idiot."
14
182
21
"Jesus has been talking to me a little bit, too, and told me to break up with you."
15
191
28
"So safety’s uncool? What’re you, the Fonz?"
16
190
40
"They plead all over the place. They plead their pants."
17
151
32
"On the count of five, we’re gonna start a fire and then record a podcast."
18
131
24
"This is what happens when you leave the f*ckin' house, you just walk off cliffs."
19
125
30
"Back then, did all men spend time in groups of five? and is that why things are so f*cked up now?"
20
114
27
"Scatter my ashes into my pool, and then please clean them back out."
21
110
25
"Sell ice cream, do what you want. Keep your f*ckin' digits to yourself in all ways."
22
120
35
"Usually when you experience domestic strife in any way, it’s because a cabal of shadow operatives are conspiring against you and your marriage, and it’s not because you married a high school freshman."
23
111
30
"Oh my god, be careful, don't get stabbed in the head."
24
111
42
"I will kick you right in your kidnapping hair!"
25
101
40
"We're now called, 'My Favorite Beyond the Jurisdiction of the Earthly Courts.'"

30 Hilarious Quotes From The 'My Favorite Murder' Podcast That Make Us Proud To Be Murderinos

"You're in a cult, call your dad."

"Isn’t dating hard enough without thinking, 'What if someone’s just setting me up for life insurance?'"

"There’s a fine line between adventure and trauma."

"There’s no benefit to unlocked front doors! None! What, do you want the outside world to think you’re chill? Knock it the f*ck off."

"This dimension is hard enough. I can’t fcking entertain aliens and their sht."

"Don't take sht to your grave. You're being a selfish dck."

"I'm not a doctor, but if you're feeling paranoid, think you're seeing things... Acid isn't the way."

"I rest my case, your Honor. May I approach the bench with a Lisa Frank notebook?"

"Everything’s fine until it’s not fine and there’s a naked f*cking guy watching you sleep."

"If you need to wear a Freddy Krueger mask and try to r*pe young women, you need to go to a hospital. Called jail."

"This is the episode where we pour blue water onto the maxi pad of your interest."

"Burn that f*cker down, take the insurance check, and buy yourself some mid-century modern furniture."

"Here’s how I’m going to interpret the law: Like a godd*mn idiot."

"Jesus has been talking to me a little bit, too, and told me to break up with you."

"So safety’s uncool? What’re you, the Fonz?"

"They plead all over the place. They plead their pants."

"On the count of five, we’re gonna start a fire and then record a podcast."

"This is what happens when you leave the f*ckin' house, you just walk off cliffs."

"Back then, did all men spend time in groups of five? and is that why things are so f*cked up now?"

"Scatter my ashes into my pool, and then please clean them back out."

"Sell ice cream, do what you want. Keep your f*ckin' digits to yourself in all ways."

"Usually when you experience domestic strife in any way, it’s because a cabal of shadow operatives are conspiring against you and your marriage, and it’s not because you married a high school freshman."

"Oh my god, be careful, don't get stabbed in the head."

"I will kick you right in your kidnapping hair!"

"We're now called, 'My Favorite Beyond the Jurisdiction of the Earthly Courts.'"