For anyone obsessed with true crime, the My Favorite Murder podcast is a must-listen. Since January 13, 2016, Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark have told sordid tales of intrigue, villainy, and - most importantly - murder to their denizens of adoring fans, inter-spliced with their witty commentary and the occasional meow from Georgia's cookie-loving cat, Elvis.
Since their flagship episode first aired, the pair has become a well-known voice in the true crime world, and with their constant stream of gripping cases and knee-slapping jokes, it's not hard to see why. Here are some of the funniest quotes from the MFM podcast that make us proud to be part of Karen and Georgia’s crew of “murderinos.”
"You're in a cult, call your dad."
"Isn’t dating hard enough without thinking, 'What if someone’s just setting me up for life insurance?'"
"There’s a fine line between adventure and trauma."
"There’s no benefit to unlocked front doors! None! What, do you want the outside world to think you’re chill? Knock it the f*ck off."
"This dimension is hard enough. I can’t f*cking entertain aliens and their sh*t."
"Don't take sh*t to your grave. You're being a selfish d*ck."
"I'm not a doctor, but if you're feeling paranoid, think you're seeing things... Acid isn't the way."
"I rest my case, your Honor. May I approach the bench with a Lisa Frank notebook?"
"Everything’s fine until it’s not fine and there’s a naked f*cking guy watching you sleep."
"If you need to wear a Freddy Krueger mask and try to r*pe young women, you need to go to a hospital. Called jail."
"This is the episode where we pour blue water onto the maxi pad of your interest."
"Burn that f*cker down, take the insurance check, and buy yourself some mid-century modern furniture."
"Here’s how I’m going to interpret the law: Like a godd*mn idiot."
"Jesus has been talking to me a little bit, too, and told me to break up with you."
"So safety’s uncool? What’re you, the Fonz?"
"They plead all over the place. They plead their pants."
"On the count of five, we’re gonna start a fire and then record a podcast."
"This is what happens when you leave the f*ckin' house, you just walk off cliffs."
"Back then, did all men spend time in groups of five? and is that why things are so f*cked up now?"
"Scatter my ashes into my pool, and then please clean them back out."
"Sell ice cream, do what you want. Keep your f*ckin' digits to yourself in all ways."
"Oh my god, be careful, don't get stabbed in the head."
"Usually when you experience domestic strife in any way, it’s because a cabal of shadow operatives are conspiring against you and your marriage, and it’s not because you married a high school freshman."
"I will kick you right in your kidnapping hair!"
"We're now called, 'My Favorite Beyond the Jurisdiction of the Earthly Courts.'"