Unspeakable Times
756 voters

30 Hilarious Quotes From The 'My Favorite Murder' Podcast That Make Us Proud To Be Murderinos

March 5, 2020 6.6k votes 756 voters 12.7k views30 items

For anyone obsessed with true crime, the My Favorite Murder podcast is a must-listen. Since January 13, 2016, Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark have told sordid tales of intrigue, villainy, and - most importantly - murder to their denizens of adoring fans, inter-spliced with their witty commentary and the occasional meow from Georgia's cookie-loving cat, Elvis.

Since their flagship episode first aired, the pair has become a well-known voice in the true crime world, and with their constant stream of gripping cases and knee-slapping jokes, it's not hard to see why. Here are some of the funniest quotes from the MFM podcast that make us proud to be part of Karen and Georgia’s crew of “murderinos.”

  • 1
    458
    49

    "You're in a cult, call your dad."

  • 2
    324
    27

    "Isn’t dating hard enough without thinking, 'What if someone’s just setting me up for life insurance?'"

  • 3
    351
    37

    "There’s a fine line between adventure and trauma."

  • 4
    357
    43

    "There’s no benefit to unlocked front doors! None! What, do you want the outside world to think you’re chill? Knock it the f*ck off."

  • 5
    278
    28

    "This dimension is hard enough. I can’t f*cking entertain aliens and their sh*t."

  • 6
    272
    28

    "Don't take sh*t to your grave. You're being a selfish d*ck."

  • 7
    242
    20

    "I'm not a doctor, but if you're feeling paranoid, think you're seeing things... Acid isn't the way."

  • 8
    213
    14

    "Everything’s fine until it’s not fine and there’s a naked f*cking guy watching you sleep."

  • 9
    283
    41

    "I rest my case, your Honor. May I approach the bench with a Lisa Frank notebook?"

  • 10
    228
    26

    "If you need to wear a Freddy Krueger mask and try to r*pe young women, you need to go to a hospital. Called jail."

  • 11
    223
    33

    "Burn that f*cker down, take the insurance check, and buy yourself some mid-century modern furniture."

  • 12
    240
    41

    "This is the episode where we pour blue water onto the maxi pad of your interest."

  • 13
    206
    28

    "Here’s how I’m going to interpret the law: Like a godd*mn idiot."

  • 14
    178
    21

    "Jesus has been talking to me a little bit, too, and told me to break up with you."

  • 15
    183
    26

    "So safety’s uncool? What’re you, the Fonz?"

  • 16
    182
    39

    "They plead all over the place. They plead their pants."

  • 17
    150
    31

    "On the count of five, we’re gonna start a fire and then record a podcast."

  • 18
    131
    22

    "This is what happens when you leave the f*ckin' house, you just walk off cliffs."

  • 19
    127
    28

    "Back then, did all men spend time in groups of five? and is that why things are so f*cked up now?"

  • 20
    115
    25

    "Scatter my ashes into my pool, and then please clean them back out."

  • 21
    107
    25

    "Sell ice cream, do what you want. Keep your f*ckin' digits to yourself in all ways."

  • 22
    110
    27

    "Oh my god, be careful, don't get stabbed in the head."

  • 23
    117
    32

    "Usually when you experience domestic strife in any way, it’s because a cabal of shadow operatives are conspiring against you and your marriage, and it’s not because you married a high school freshman."

  • 24
    110
    43

    "I will kick you right in your kidnapping hair!"

  • 25
    96
    37

    "We're now called, 'My Favorite Beyond the Jurisdiction of the Earthly Courts.'"