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The Best Norm Macdonald Jokes, Ranked

Updated May 12, 2020 3.1k votes 401 voters 10.0k views25 items

Here are the best Norm Macdonald jokes of all-time, ranked by comedy fans everywhere. Norm Macdonald's stand-up may be an acquired taste, but once you get into it, you cannot get enough. You only need to watch one of his stand-up specials to realize he has a proclivity for discussing some of the darkest aspects of humanity in his set. But that doesn't stop it from being downright hilarious. It is easy to see why so many consider him to be a "comedian's comedian." If you have never heard any of these before, then get ready to laugh your butt off. 

Norm Macdonald got his start on Saturday Night Live, but he really became a household name when he took the reigns of Weekend Update. As the anchor, he had no problem telling it like it was, which didn't necessarily earn him any friends from the censorship department. Since then, he's gone on to star in films like Dr. Dolittle, Billy Madison, and Dirty Work. There are truly no other stand-up comedians like him, which can make it tough to find the funniest Norm Macdonald joke ever. From funny one-liners to anti-jokes, here is some of Norm Macdonald's best jokes. 

  • 1

    The Moth Joke

    A moth goes into a podiatrist’s office, and the podiatrist’s office says, “What's the problem?"

    The moth says “What’s the problem? Where do I begin, man? I go to work for Gregory Illinivich, and all day long I work. Honestly doc, I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore. I don’t even know if Gregory Illinivich knows. He only knows that he has power over me, and that seems to bring him happiness. But I don’t know, I wake up in a malaise, and I walk here and there.

    The podiatrist says, "Oh yeah?"

    And the moth goes, "Yes. At night, sometimes wake up and I turn to some old lady in my bed that’s on my arm. A lady that I once loved, doc. I don’t know where to turn to. My youngest, Alexendria, she fell in the…in the cold of last year. The cold took her down, as it did many of us. And my other boy, and this is the hardest pill to swallow, doc. My other boy, Gregarro Ivinalititavitch… I no longer love him. As much as it pains me to say, when I look in his eyes, all I see is the same cowardice that I… that I catch when I take a glimpse of my own face in the mirror. If only I wasn’t such a coward, then perhaps…perhaps I could bring myself to reach over to that cocked and loaded gun that lays on the bedside behind me and end this hellish facade once and for all. Doc, sometimes I feel like a spider, even though I’m a moth, just barely hanging on to my web with an everlasting fire underneath me. I’m not feeling good."

    And so the doctor says, “Moth, man, you’re troubled. But you should be seeing a psychiatrist. Why on earth did you come here?”

    And the moth says, “‘Cause the light was on.”

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  • 2


    You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don't care for him.

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  • 3

    His Parents

    I once walked in on my parents having sex. It was the most embarrassing thirty minutes of my life.

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  • Michael Jackson
    Photo: Variety

    Michael Jackson

    Many people are skeptical about marriage of Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley. They say, Lisa Marie is more of a sit-at-home type, while Michael Jackson is more of a homosexual pedophile.

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