true stories 21 People Reveal The Funniest Things They've Done To Avoid Sex  

Lea Rose Emery
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There are so many ways people will try to seduce someone into having sex with them, but we often forget that there's a flip-side: the funny excuses people use to avoid sex. Though culture often places sex at the top of peoples' desires, even needs, not everyone always wants to have it. And we definitely don't always want to have it with the person who wants to have it with us. But, because we don't want to hurt anyones feelings, people get a little creative. 

And really, some of the ways people have gotten out of sex are downright mad - just check out this list from Reddit users. Jumping from buildings, lying, building forts - there's no limit to what we will do ot try to get out of a sticky situation. They say that honesty is the best policy, but nobody wants to hear that you just aren't interested. But maybe we should start saying it, because some of these methods are downright dangerous.

Snores Away

I had just graduated college and moved to a new town. A girl I knew offered to show me around for the night.

We go to a house party with her friends and drink until 2 am. At that point, she asks me if I want to crash on her couch. The thing is, I'm actually really far from home. I have no car. I'm drunk. Public transportation will take hours. So, I agree - sure, I’ll crash on your couch.

Now, she was not at all unattractive - far from it. The thing is, I had spent quite a bit of time with her in college, and there had never been any spark. We had been in a touring performance group together, rehearsed for hundreds of hours, gone on road trips, shared hotel rooms, etc. She fought constantly with other members of the group. She hooked up with a couple of the guys - all older than me. I didn't judge her for that, but I knew enough to know that I didn't want to get involved.

Anyway, we get into her apartment. She says, "Oh f*ck it, I don't feel like making up the couch, you can just sleep on my bed. It's no big deal, it will be just like we're on tour." 

So we get into bed. I'm lying on my back, she on hers. We stay that way silently for several minutes. I can tell she's wide awake. And then, suddenly, I feel her hand on my leg. It starts stroking my thigh. Her nails dig in. She goes farther and further up my leg, rubbing back-and-forth.

Oh f*ck f*ck f*ck. I really don't want to do this. But I certainly don't want to explain that, either. So, I think fast. And let out a loud, rasping, rattling snore.

Her hand pauses.


Her hand moves away.

I rev up the chainsaw for about five minutes. Eventually, she rolls over on her side and goes to sleep. Bullet dodged. She kept her pride, while I kept my dainty manhood intact.

A Gentlemen With No Nose Hair

Back in college I was a designated driver for a group of friends.

We get to a party and my sober-ass is bored. A very, very drunk woman I know from one of my classes starts hitting on me, culminating with her telling me she'll f*ck my brains out. Sober me thought this isn't kosher since she is hammered, so I turn around for a moment and yank a few hairs out of my nose, making my eyes water and my nose run and I say "I have a brutal cold you don't want to catch. Why don't you let me get better and then I'll take you out?"

I give her my phone number and she finds it so sweet she passes out with her head in my lap. Three days later before class she comes up to me, gives me a HUGE hug, and thanks me for not being a dick. We end up dating and she's still one of my best friends.

A Smell And A Runner

I go with this girl to some seedy love hotel (I'm Brazilian). She wants me to go down on her. Well, why the f*ck not?

Thing is, there's a strange smell coming from down there. And it's far from that normal, girly, (and pleasing) smell. No, it's not menstruation, it's not poop, it isn't anything caused by lack of hygiene either. It's not even an yeast infection (I know these smells, trust me). It's something akin to carrion, like there's some necrotic tissue inside her parts. When I take her panties off I almost gag.

So I do what any manly man would do - I immediately excuse myself to the bathroom and escape through the window.


I went to a bar with two buddies, one of whom was meeting a girl there he had a crush on. She was wasted when we arrived, and after introductions it became apparent she was interested in me - heavy flirting, obvious touching, etc. My friend with the crush took it in stride, sorta giving me a c'est la vie-shrug, but I felt bad. I moved the conversation around till it was ripe to drop a white lie: I was gay. She didn't believe me at first, so I improv-ed and wrapped my arm around my other friend, who was in the middle of WTF-ing after hearing me say that, and introduced him as my partner. She did a hip cock and asked us to prove it.

There are those moments when you catch the gaze of a friend and realize that what's about to go down is something that you'll laugh about later, or regale at each other's wedding. It only lasts for a split-second, but in those moments you can glimpse the depth of your friendship. We shared a moment like that before exchanging a slow, gentle, familiar kiss. She just stood there, then said "Wow, you guys don't seem gay?"

Meanwhile my pal who was into her witnessed the whole thing, jaw-dropped, and bought us two shots. She became more obnoxious as the night wore on, and my pal lost all interest. Came outta there with a great story though.