The Funniest 'Get Hard' Quotes, Ranked By Fans

Get Hard movie quotes bring the laughs that come when one businessman hires his only black friend to prepare him for a prison sentence. The comedy film was directed by Etan Cohen using a screenplay by Jay Martel and Ian Roberts. Get Hard opened in theaters on March 27, 2015.

In Get Hard, wealthy businessman James King (Will Ferrell) seems to have it all in life. He has a huge house and beautiful wife (Alison Brie), but that all changes when the FBI arrives to arrest him on charges of fraud and embezzlement. While James proclaims his innocence, a judge sentences him to 10 years at a maximum security facility.

James knows prison will be a culture shock so he hires the only black guy he knows, Darnell (Kevin Hart), to prepare him. While Darnell has never really been to prison, he takes the job and the two embark on prison school. But can a rich businessman get hard from this never-incarcerated family man and learn enough to get him through this sentence? The jury is still out on that one.

Get Hard opens alongside a bunch of other fantastic movies such as Insurgent, Cinderella (2015), The Gunman, Run All Night, Unfinished Business.

Short for Mayonnaise

Joaquin: We gotta roll, Mayo.
Darnell: Who's Mayo?
James: It's my gang name. It's short for Mayonnaise.

James introduces his gang name to Darnell and even explains its origin. Considering the name comes from the word Mayonnaise, Darnell is not impressed.

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Let Me See Your Mad Dog Face

Let Me See Your Mad Dog ... is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list The Best 'Get Hard' Movie Quotes — Photo: Get Hard/Warner Bros.

Darnell: This is my prison-readiness program. You master these skills, you will survive in prison.
...
Darnell: Let me see what your mad dog face look like.
James: What is a mad dog face?
Darnell: You're a mad dog! Like a pit bull with no leash! Hah! ... What are you doing, James?
James: Sad-dogging you, you think that's a strategy that could work? Please don't sexually assault me, I'm already too sad.

Darnell urges James to practice his mad dog face to strengthen his prison defensive skills. Instead, James shows a sad dog face and pleads for mercy.

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Teach Me to Survive in Prison

James: My life is ruined cause after 30 days I'm going to prison. It's not as bad as I've heard, is it?
Darnell: Hell yeah, it's bad.
James: Teach me how to survive in prison the way you did.
Darnell: Tell me how you know I went to prison.
James: Given your low economic status...
Darnell: Wait, what?
James: Your perceived lack of college education...
Darnell: Lack of... Okay
James: Statistically, you definitely went to prison.
Darnell: Okay, I'll see you tomorrow, convict.

James enlists the only black guy he knows, Darnell, to help him prepare for prison. He doesn't for a moment consider that Darnell has not been to prison but Darnell doesn't turn down an easy buck to make that fact known either.

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Looking to Join the Crenshaw Kings

James: Hello!
Gang Member: Who the hell are you?
James: I don't think they've ever seen a white person before.
Darnell: Trust me, that is not the problem.
...
James: I am looking to join the Crenshaw Kings.
Joaquin: Are you?
Darnell: He just wants you to protect him while he's on the inside.
Joaquin: Mr. I'm too good for the hood, I'll bounce you off this front porch sideways.
James: I'm sorry. I didn't understand a word you said.

James and Darnell head to Crenshaw in an effort to get James into a gang to secure protection in prison. From James' ridiculous outfit to his lack of understanding of the completely English words Joaquin says, the meeting does not go too well.

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