Weird History Why The Ancient Greeks Loved Small Penises And Shunned Big Ones  

Carly Silver
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Some of the most amazing statues in the world are Greek statues. However, if you've ever seen an ancient Greek male statue in a museum, then chances are you've found yourself wondering, "Why do Greek statues have small packages?" As it turns out, scholars have a bunch of conflicting theories on the topic of penis sizes of ancient Greek statues. Some have suggested that large penises were considered comical and symbols of drunkenness, while others have thought that the reason why Greek statues have small genitalia is because they just aren't erect. 

You're not alone in your curiosity of small Greek wangs. There have been many historians and researchers who have tried to find the right answer. Check out some theories that most people didn't know about Greek statues and their anatomy below. 

Some Historians Think That The Greeks Considered Big Wangs Gross

Some Historians Think That The... is listed (or ranked) 1 on the list Why The Ancient Greeks Loved Small Penises And Shunned Big Ones
Photo: Becante/flickr/CC-BY 2.0

According to art historian Ellen Oredsson, the Greeks favored smaller schlongs over big boys because the latter were considered icky. On her blog, Oreddson writes:

"One of the reasons historians, such as Kenneth Dover in his landmark book Greek Homosexuality, have suggested that small penises were more culturally valued is that large penises were associated with very specific characteristics: foolishness, lust, and ugliness."

Such big-wanged figures included Priapus, giant-penised god of fertility and gardening who was a notorious drunkard, and horny satyrs. So, if you wanted to be a good Greek guy and not a drunken loser, you'd have a small penis. 

It Is Believed That Small Penises Were Associated With Proper Manhood And Moderation

It Is Believed That Small Peni... is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list Why The Ancient Greeks Loved Small Penises And Shunned Big Ones
Photo: F. Tronchin/flickr/CC-BY-NC-ND 2.0

In contrast to big phalluses, which were tied to drunkenness, old age, and lechery, small penises were associated with good Greek values. For men, that would include athleticism and masculinity. As classicist Andrew Lear told QZ, small genitals displayed "moderation, which was one of the key virtues that formed their view of ideal masculinity." Therefore, perfect genitals weren't exaggerated, but were moderate in all ways.

Some Think That These Schlongs Weren't Actually That Small - Just Flaccid

Some Think That These Schlongs... is listed (or ranked) 3 on the list Why The Ancient Greeks Loved Small Penises And Shunned Big Ones
Photo: wallyg/flickr/CC-BY-NC-ND 2.0

According to Oreddson, these penises might not actually have been that small. In fact, they were normal-sized, but they just weren't erect. Therefore, the Greek guys had average wangs - not super-big, not super-small - but they didn't pose for statues while aroused. Or perhaps the models posed after exercise, when their genitals might have shrunk from atheletic activity. 

It Is Speculated That These Were Just Penises Of Youths, Not Grown Men

It Is Speculated That These We... is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list Why The Ancient Greeks Loved Small Penises And Shunned Big Ones
Photo: mitko_denev/flickr/CC-BY-NC 2.0

It's worth noting that Greek statues depict handsome youngsters - as in, youths who were considered muscular and hot. So perhaps the penises on these statues weren't small, but weren't fully-developed, since their subjects were pre-teens or teens. These sculptures mirrored Greek sexual politics, in which a young man (the erastes, or beloved) would have been an object of lust and passion for the person viewing the statue.