Weddings are a beautiful moment in a person's life, but they can also be a very stressful time. Somewhere during the planning and the spending, good intentions can fall by the wayside as people show their true colors and make poor decisions, leaving in its wake a series of regrettable events.
A would-be groom took to the Am I The A**hole subreddit to plead his case regarding an argument with his fiancée and her dress decisions. It didn't go well for him. Here is the story:
A Groom Posted The Ultimatum He Gave His Fiancée Regarding Her Wedding Dress
Full post from Redditor u/josh8449:
(Sorry, on mobile and throwaway as she's a Redditor)
We are getting married in July of this year. The venue is booked and the wedding is pretty much sorted.
Emma has been researching dresses and has a little scrap book of lots of dresses she likes for ideas, but is now looking to buy.
All that's left to get is the bridesmaid dresses and her wedding dress.
We jointly put aside 10k each for the wedding, everything is paid and we have 6k left over which I think could go towards the honeymoon on top of the honeymoon fund we already had.
We aren't the extravagant type at all, then comes the time for Emma to pick her dress. I know everything is more expensive when it has the term "wedding" attached to it, what I wasn't expecting was an $950 dress plus $120 veil!
I'm using my dad's old tux he used for his wedding to my mom, just had it taken in a little, Emma can't use her mum's dress as her and her mum both say the style hasn't aged well, which is fair.
I had a quick Google around at dresses online, and there were so many! And so many just like the one Emma wants for like $50 to $100.
I'm not trying to get her to cheap out on her dress, but she will literally wear it once, one dress for over $1000 is just insane! That would fund our honeymoon.
I tried to show her some dresses I found on a recommended app called Wish and others on websites, but she was having none of it.
She is very slender, but apparently wants it specially fitted?
It turned nasty unfortunately because I said I refuse to drop such a large amount of money on a dress, and she argued that she is using her own money for the dress. Which isn't strictly true as we are about to be married and our finances will be joined.
Then her mom had to get involved. They offered to pay for the dress, but it's not a case of not being able to afford it.
It's a dress! There are identical one's online at a fraction of the cost.
I thought she would be ecstatic to learn there are identical dresses for a fraction of the cost, but she was really angry and upset.
AITA here? Is there something I am seriously missing, because after we argued about the dress Emma has been extremely cold towards me.
Then yesterday she said if I want her to cheap out on her wedding dress on her wedding day, then she needs to really consider if we are a good match for marriage.
I'm blown away that she would say that over a dress. I told her she's like a toddler throwing a tantrum over a sparkly toy she can't have. That was a mistake as she left to stay with her parents, who called to tell me I am much more than an asshole.
People Felt The OP Was Being Very Controlling
Response from Redditor u/ApocalypseBaby:
I think judging from the "toddler" comments and attempts to override his fiancée, OP probably expected her to be easier to control than a woman his own age, hence dating a woman over a decade younger than him, and is unhappy to find that she actually does feel comfortable standing up to him when he's being an asshole. I doubt this relationship will last and you're absolutely right, she deserves way better than this cheap, creepy a-hole. Red flags galore here.
Response from Redditor u/VisualCelery:
I'm honestly so mad at you for doing this and I don't even know you. I'm mad on her behalf. What a horrible thing to say to the person you supposedly want to spend the rest of your life with. You don't seem to think highly of her, and I'm willing to bet the age difference is part of this. Look, I don't mean to project here, but this does read as a 'I'm older and a man, I am naturally smarter, more logical, and more responsible than this frivolous young woman I'm dating, who just wants sparkly, expensive things and could never be trusted with our long-term finances, so I have to put my foot down and make the choice that's best for both of us.' Maybe I'm totally off the mark, but if this is more or less how you see your dynamic, you're not going to have a healthy partnership in the long run.
Many People Also Had A Strong Response To His Opinions On Wedding Apparel And The Cost Of A Dress
Response from Redditor u/milee 30:
YTA. You say you don't want her to cheap out, but then you say you want her to buy a $50 -$100 wedding dress. That's cheap. That's cheap even for a regular dress. Those cheap dresses you're finding online will look terrible in person and are the source of so many disappointed women and jokes. Wedding dresses and their tailoring are expensive. $1000 is actually a low priced dress.
Regardless of dress type, though, your reaction to her - calling her names and deciding you have veto power - is the real problem. You should be solving this issue together. If you can't, maybe it's not time to get married yet.
Response from Redditor u/wobblebase:
This is the lower end for a wedding gown from a store that specializes in gowns. Literally this is low/mid-range at David's Bridal. And the vast majority of brides will have their dress altered.
If you guys wanted to go cheaper, the way to do that is to go to a seamstress/tailer with something that was from a non-bridal store. Basically she finds a white/ivory gown from someplace reputable (not the $100 wedding gown, I'll get to that below), tries it on before buying, and then gets is custom tailored to fit really well.
And that online $100 wedding dress is very likely to look like crap. It's basically going to be a wedding gown costume. If you are looking at a site like Wish, it's going to be a shoddily made costume, with inconsistent sizing and coloring, and cheap looking and feeling fabric, which may or may not have detailing attached with hot glue.
You're wearing your dad's tux, so you don't feel an immediate cost there, but I guarantee that suit wasn't cheap when it was new. You want her to walk down the isle in a cheap costume wedding dress while you wear tux. And she will look like a joke in that scenario.
The OP Was Told That Buying A Wedding Dress Off The Wish App Was A Bad IdeaPhoto: u/jtawilb / Reddit
Response from Redditor u/SevenLight:
I don't blame the guy for not knowing what Wish is, but two seconds of research tells you that it's known for listing terrible quality/counterfeit goods.
It's basically expectations vs reality incarnate. The clothes are known to look very bad IRL, terrible seams, poorly fitting, and cheap material. That's why it's cheap as dirt. You get what you pay for. This dude really out here suggesting his fiancée (who made a scrapbook of wedding dress ideas) get a dress from Wish. LMAO.
Response from Redditor u/wobblebase:
Yeahhh. I could sympathize if they set a budget and she broke that, even with a $1000 dress. Or if OP wanted to set a budget that included everything (alterations, etc). Or wanted her to seriously look at second-hand bridal sites for the same or a very similar dress. Any of those would be reasonable asks they could work with.
But he wants her to get a <$100 dress from Wish. That's like a short step from cutting holes in a white satin bedsheet for her arms and head, putting a belt on it, and calling it good.