Culture

The Best Harry Potter Jokes 

Jack Napier
Updated April 26, 2018 104.8k votes 12.3k voters 183.4k views 25 items

List Rules Vote up any good funny joke about the Harry Potter characters and series

If you’re feeling down and need a spell of laughter cast on you, look no further than this list of short Harry Potter jokes to lift your spirits higher than a golden snitch. All the usual wizarding world punch lines are here, muggles, Hufflepuffs, and the Weasleys. And before you can say “Accio joke book,” never fear, there are so many jokes on this list of Harry Potter one-liners that you’ll be in stitches longer than it’s taken JK to write a follow up to everyone’s favorite series.

If you get bored with this list of funny Harry Potter puns (now why would you do that?), try translating the jokes into parselmouth, everyone would definitely think you very cool and not weird at all. We all know the best way to combat He Who Shall Not Be Named is with laughter, so put on your invisibility cloak and start learning these jokes. You never know when you’ll find yourself at a wizard convention fending off a pasty faced, no nosed, creep. So when you find yourself trapped under your uncle’s stairs and need something to do, why not check out our list of the funniest Harry Potter jokes? What else do you have to do? And don’t say practice quidditch, we’ve seen you fly, and you should just give it up.

Take a break from practicing your patronus spell to vote on your favorite Harry Potter joke. And if you’re still scratching your head at this list, you just might be a muggle. After you are finished, head on over and vote on the funniest Star Wars jokes of all time.

list ordered by
1
Barty Crouch Jr. is listed (or ranked) 1 on the list The Best Harry Potter Jokes
Because it was making him Moody.
2
Why Does Voldemort Only ... is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list The Best Harry Potter Jokes
Why Does Voldemort Only Use Twitter And Not Facebook?
Because he has followers and not friends.
3
Why Did Snape Stand In T... is listed (or ranked) 3 on the list The Best Harry Potter Jokes
Why Did Snape Stand In The Middle Of The Road?
So you wouldn't know what side he was on. 
4
What Kind Of Cereal Do T... is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list The Best Harry Potter Jokes
What Kind Of Cereal Do They Serve At Hogwarts?
Hufflepuffs
 
5
How Do Death Eaters Fres... is listed (or ranked) 5 on the list The Best Harry Potter Jokes
How Do Death Eaters Freshen Their Breath?
Dementos
6
How Do You Know If Someo... is listed (or ranked) 6 on the list The Best Harry Potter Jokes
How Do You Know If Someone's A Pureblood?
Don't worry, they'll let you know. 
7
Yo Momma's So Fat is listed (or ranked) 7 on the list The Best Harry Potter Jokes
Yo Momma's So Fat
The sorting hat put her in all the houses!
8
Why Was Harry Potter Sen... is listed (or ranked) 8 on the list The Best Harry Potter Jokes
Why Was Harry Potter Sent To The Office?
Because he was cursing in class.
9
How Many Wizards Does It... is listed (or ranked) 9 on the list The Best Harry Potter Jokes
How Many Wizards Does It Take To Screw In A Lightbulb?
Two. One to hold the bulb and one to rotate the room.
10
You're So Muggle... is listed (or ranked) 10 on the list The Best Harry Potter Jokes
You're So Muggle...
You thought the floo network was on channel 54.
11
Why Do Slytherins Cross ... is listed (or ranked) 11 on the list The Best Harry Potter Jokes
Why Do Slytherins Cross The Road Twice?
Because they're double crossers.
12
What's The Most Unrealis... is listed (or ranked) 12 on the list The Best Harry Potter Jokes
What's The Most Unrealistic Thing About The Harry Potter Books?
A ginger with two friends.
13
Yo Momma's So Fat is listed (or ranked) 13 on the list The Best Harry Potter Jokes
Yo Momma's So Fat
Her patronus is a milkshake!
14
How Many Slytherins Does... is listed (or ranked) 14 on the list The Best Harry Potter Jokes
How Many Slytherins Does It Take To Screw In A Lightbulb?
5… 1 to screw the light bulb and 4 to say with their fathers connection at the ministry they could screw it faster
15
How Many Muggles Does It... is listed (or ranked) 15 on the list The Best Harry Potter Jokes
How Many Muggles Does It Take To Screw In A Lightbulb?
One. it's the only thing they're good for. 
16
Did You Hear About The W... is listed (or ranked) 16 on the list The Best Harry Potter Jokes
Did You Hear About The Witch Who Won The Lottery?
Yeah, she went completely Knuts!
17
What Do You Call A Potte... is listed (or ranked) 17 on the list The Best Harry Potter Jokes
What Do You Call A Potter Head On A Horse?

Harry Trotter

18
Why Did Harry Potter Cro... is listed (or ranked) 18 on the list The Best Harry Potter Jokes
Why Did Harry Potter Cross The Road?
We're not sure. But someone's going to write fan fiction about it. 
19
Why Did Crabbe And Goyle... is listed (or ranked) 19 on the list The Best Harry Potter Jokes
Why Did Crabbe And Goyle Cross The Road?
They were following Draco, of course!
20
Where Do You Find Dumble... is listed (or ranked) 20 on the list The Best Harry Potter Jokes
Where Do You Find Dumbledore's Army?
Up his sleevy. 
21
What Do You Call A Huffl... is listed (or ranked) 21 on the list The Best Harry Potter Jokes
What Do You Call A Hufflepuff With Two Braincells?
Pregnant.
22
What Do You Get When You... is listed (or ranked) 22 on the list The Best Harry Potter Jokes
What Do You Get When You Cross Crookshanks With McGonagall?
Really ugly kittens.
23
How Many Hufflepuffs Doe... is listed (or ranked) 23 on the list The Best Harry Potter Jokes
How Many Hufflepuffs Does It Take To Screw In A Lightbulb?
All of them.
24
Why Did The Death Eaters... is listed (or ranked) 24 on the list The Best Harry Potter Jokes
Why Did The Death Eaters Cross The Road?
Because the Dark Lord commanded it. 
25
Why'd The Weasley Cross ... is listed (or ranked) 25 on the list The Best Harry Potter Jokes
Why'd The Weasley Cross The Road?
Somebody tossed a knut.