If you’re feeling down and need a spell of laughter cast on you, look no further than this list of short Harry Potter jokes to lift your spirits higher than a golden snitch. All the usual wizarding world punch lines are here, muggles, Hufflepuffs, and the Weasleys. And before you can say “Accio joke book,” never fear, there are so many jokes on this list of Harry Potter one-liners that you’ll be in stitches longer than it’s taken JK to write a follow up to everyone’s favorite series.
If you get bored with this list of funny Harry Potter puns (now why would you do that?), try translating the jokes into parselmouth, everyone would definitely think you very cool and not weird at all. We all know the best way to combat He Who Shall Not Be Named is with laughter, so put on your invisibility cloak and start learning these jokes. You never know when you’ll find yourself at a wizard convention fending off a pasty faced, no nosed, creep. So when you find yourself trapped under your uncle’s stairs and need something to do, why not check out our list of the funniest Harry Potter jokes? What else do you have to do? And don’t say practice quidditch, we’ve seen you fly, and you should just give it up.
Take a break from practicing your patronus spell to vote on your favorite Harry Potter joke. And if you’re still scratching your head at this list, you just might be a muggle. After you are finished, head on over and vote on the funniest Star Wars jokes of all time.
1 5,621 1,250 Why Did Barty Crouch Jr. Quit Drinking? Because it was making him Moody.
2 4,831 1,170 Why Does Voldemort Only Use Twitter And Not Facebook? Because he has followers and not friends.
3 4,406 1,107 Why Did Snape Stand In The Middle Of The Road? So you wouldn't know what side he was on.
4 3,811 1,264 What Kind Of Cereal Do They Serve At Hogwarts? Hufflepuffs
5 3,770 1,288 How Do Death Eaters Freshen Their Breath? Dementos
6 3,188 1,630 How Do You Know If Someone's A Pureblood? Don't worry, they'll let you know.
7 2,446 1,387 Why Was Harry Potter Sent To The Office? Because he was cursing in class.
8 2,523 1,458 How Many Wizards Does It Take To Screw In A Lightbulb? Two. One to hold the bulb and one to rotate the room.
9 2,347 1,351 You're So Muggle... You thought the floo network was on channel 54.
10 3,015 1,764 Yo Momma's So Fat The sorting hat put her in all the houses!
11 2,136 1,316 Why Do Slytherins Cross The Road Twice? Because they're double crossers.
12 3,000 1,983 What's The Most Unrealistic Thing About The Harry Potter Books? A ginger with two friends.
13 2,216 1,598 Yo Momma's So Fat Her patronus is a milkshake!
14 1,794 1,499 How Many Slytherins Does It Take To Screw In A Lightbulb? 5… 1 to screw the light bulb and 4 to say with their fathers connection at the ministry they could screw it faster
15 1,686 1,444 How Many Muggles Does It Take To Screw In A Lightbulb? One. it's the only thing they're good for.
16 1,468 1,418 Did You Hear About The Witch Who Won The Lottery? Yeah, she went completely Knuts!
17 1,421 1,574 What Do You Call A Potter Head On A Horse?