• Culture

The Best Harry Potter Jokes

List RulesVote up any good funny joke about the Harry Potter characters and series

If you’re feeling down and need a spell of laughter cast on you, look no further than this list of short Harry Potter jokes to lift your spirits higher than a golden snitch. All the usual wizarding world punch lines are here, muggles, Hufflepuffs, and the Weasleys. And before you can say “Accio joke book,” never fear, there are so many jokes on this list of Harry Potter one-liners that you’ll be in stitches longer than it’s taken JK to write a follow up to everyone’s favorite series.

If you get bored with this list of funny Harry Potter puns (now why would you do that?), try translating the jokes into parselmouth, everyone would definitely think you very cool and not weird at all. We all know the best way to combat He Who Shall Not Be Named is with laughter, so put on your invisibility cloak and start learning these jokes. You never know when you’ll find yourself at a wizard convention fending off a pasty faced, no nosed, creep. So when you find yourself trapped under your uncle’s stairs and need something to do, why not check out our list of the funniest Harry Potter jokes? What else do you have to do? And don’t say practice quidditch, we’ve seen you fly, and you should just give it up.

Take a break from practicing your patronus spell to vote on your favorite Harry Potter joke. And if you’re still scratching your head at this list, you just might be a muggle. After you are finished, head on over and vote on the funniest Star Wars jokes of all time.

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  • 1
    Because it was making him Moody.
  • 2
    3,524
    818

    Why Does Voldemort Only Use Twitter And Not Facebook?

    Because he has followers and not friends.
  • 3
    3,220
    758

    Why Did Snape Stand In The Middle Of The Road?

    So you wouldn't know what side he was on. 
  • 4
    2,681
    907

    How Do Death Eaters Freshen Their Breath?

    Dementos
  • 5
    2,664
    950

    What Kind Of Cereal Do They Serve At Hogwarts?

    Hufflepuffs
     
  • 6
    2,318
    1,122

    How Do You Know If Someone's A Pureblood?

    Don't worry, they'll let you know. 
  • 7
    1,792
    984

    Why Was Harry Potter Sent To The Office?

    Because he was cursing in class.
  • 8
    1,835
    1,018

    How Many Wizards Does It Take To Screw In A Lightbulb?

    Two. One to hold the bulb and one to rotate the room.
  • 9
    1,663
    956

    You're So Muggle...

    You thought the floo network was on channel 54.
  • 10
    2,098
    1,240

    Yo Momma's So Fat

    The sorting hat put her in all the houses!
  • 11
    1,566
    918

    Why Do Slytherins Cross The Road Twice?

    Because they're double crossers.
  • 12
    2,063
    1,377

    What's The Most Unrealistic Thing About The Harry Potter Books?

    A ginger with two friends.
  • 13
    1,552
    1,142

    Yo Momma's So Fat

    Her patronus is a milkshake!
  • 14
    1,359
    1,011

    How Many Slytherins Does It Take To Screw In A Lightbulb?

    5… 1 to screw the light bulb and 4 to say with their fathers connection at the ministry they could screw it faster
  • 15
    1,261
    990

    How Many Muggles Does It Take To Screw In A Lightbulb?

    One. it's the only thing they're good for. 
  • 16
    1,129
    959

    Did You Hear About The Witch Who Won The Lottery?

    Yeah, she went completely Knuts!
  • 17
    1,053
    1,099

    What Do You Call A Potter Head On A Horse?

    Harry Trotter

  • 18
    1,124
    1,222

    Why Did Harry Potter Cross The Road?

    We're not sure. But someone's going to write fan fiction about it. 
  • 19
    900
    1,232

    Why Did Crabbe And Goyle Cross The Road?

    They were following Draco, of course!
  • 20
    19
    27

    Need More Harry Potter In your Life?

  • 21
    891
    1,361

    Where Do You Find Dumbledore's Army?

    Up his sleevy. 
  • 22
    1,059
    1,838

    What Do You Call A Hufflepuff With Two Braincells?

    Pregnant.
  • 23
    791
    1,681

    How Many Hufflepuffs Does It Take To Screw In A Lightbulb?

    All of them.
  • 24
    769
    1,639

    What Do You Get When You Cross Crookshanks With McGonagall?

    Really ugly kittens.
  • 25
    558
    1,607

    Why Did The Death Eaters Cross The Road?

    Because the Dark Lord commanded it.