Total Nerd 13 Dark Hey Arnold! Fan Theories To Cast A Football-Shaped Shadow Over Your Childhood  

Zack Howe
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List Rules Vote up the theories that are blowing your football-head-loving mind.

'90s cartoon fan theories exist for all the most popular shows of that era, and one of the most beloved is Hey Arnold! In part because the show was so depressing, Hey Arnold! fan theories are often devastating. You may not even remember the show being depressing, though, but when viewed through the jaded lens of adulthood, you start to see some terrible realities within Arnold's bleak world.

Helga's parents, for instance, are almost criminally neglectful, with her mom being an alcoholic and her father not hiding his disdain for her. It's stuff like this in the show, and the tone subsequently set, that has spawned some really dark theories about the inhabitants of Hillwood.

Let's explore what happened to Arnold's parents on Hey Arnold! and other haunting theories lurking within the show. And just for kicks, check out all the times Jaden Smith dressed like Football Head.

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Stoop Kid Is The Lookout For A Drug Den


Stoop Kid Is The Lookout For A... is listed (or ranked) 1 on the list 13 Dark Hey Arnold! Fan Theories To Cast A Football-Shaped Shadow Over Your Childhood
Photo:  Nickelodeon

Redditor saintdominic kept asking himself why Stoop Kid was too afraid to leave the stoop, and the answer finally clicked: he's the lookout. The theory is that Stoop Kid is actually being paid to sit there and keep an eye out for cops, but he really is afraid.

Referencing The Wire, this Redditor points out that if Stoop Kid doesn't do his job, the dealers will "f*ck him up." What's more, saintdominic believes he can finger the drug kingpin, who is none other than the mysterious Mr. Smith. Mr. Smith is the guy in the trench coat who rarely shows his face and even more rarely interacts with people. He's also the one who has Stoop Kid living in fear.

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Mr. Smith Is A Government Agent Keeping A Watchful Eye On Arnold


Mr. Smith Is A Government Agen... is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list 13 Dark Hey Arnold! Fan Theories To Cast A Football-Shaped Shadow Over Your Childhood
Photo:  Nickelodeon

There are many theories about the enigmatic Mr. Smith, but one explains a couple things about Arnold's life. Redditor zomgitsduke's theory is short but packed:

"Arnold's parents were spies. That's why they went on adventures and eventually met their doom. Mr. Smith is a government agent sent to keep an eye on Arnold, so he works almost entirely remotely from his apartment."

Though Arnold's parents's disappearance is kind of explained – they apparently went on a humanitarian mission from which they never returned, leaving Arnold with his grandparents for safekeeping – it's certainly possible that their real jobs and real mission were secret, which would support this theory. Maybe Mr. Smith isn't as nefarious as he seems but is instead a guardian angel of sorts. 

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The Older Kids Aren't Really Giants


The Older Kids Aren't Really G... is listed (or ranked) 3 on the list 13 Dark Hey Arnold! Fan Theories To Cast A Football-Shaped Shadow Over Your Childhood
Photo:  Nickelodeon

Arnold and his buddies are all fourth graders who are occasionally subjected to the tyranny of giant fifth graders led by Wolfgang. Although Wolfgang and the other fifth graders are depicted as nearly twice the size of the fourth graders, that's simply not realistic.

BraveLion10 believes that their size is actually a figment of Arnold's imagination. The argument centers around the misperceptions of 10-year-olds who view older kids through a lens of fear and inferiority. It certainly makes more sense than a single year of development being the difference between human children and giant mutants.

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The Ghost Bride Was Real


The Ghost Bride Was Real is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list 13 Dark Hey Arnold! Fan Theories To Cast A Football-Shaped Shadow Over Your Childhood
Photo:  Nickelodeon

There's an episode in Season 5 called "Ghost Bride" in which Arnold and crew go searching for a legendary specter said to lurk around the cemetery. When they see the ghost, it turns out it is just Helga and Curly pranking them.

However, Redditor the_northwesterner believes the Ghost Bride really was there with them that night. When Helga first encounters Curly pretending to be the Ghost Bride, he's actually floating, suggesting that this initial meeting really is between Helga and the Ghost Bride without her realizing it. Also, when the supposed Ghost Bride appears before Arnold and his friends, she is tall as a grown woman, suggesting once again that this was the real deal.

Finally, when the kids left Curly tie up in the graveyard, he hears someone humming the Wedding March, yet he is alone. That is the most convincing evidence of all that she was present.