Graveyard Shift

People Describe Their Thoughts Before, During, And After Anesthesia  

Mick Jacobs
19.8k votes 4.1k voters 111.3k views 17 items

List Rules Vote up the funniest anesthesia stories.

When people and drugs mix, shenanigans often follow. Even when it's in the name of medicine, the combination of people and drugs can lead to hilarious scenarios - people's stories of anesthesia remain proof of this. The body reacts to anesthesia in different ways depending on the person, which means no two anesthesia stories sound the same.

Sometimes anesthesia simply gives people loopy thoughts - ones you would never voice to anyone, yet feel bold enough to announce to a room full of nurses and doctors. Some defiant patients require restraints when going under, or else they'll clock a doc in the face. The worst anesthesia stories typically involve people waking up during surgery, a nightmare practically worse than the operation itself.

Thankfully, the Redditors who shared their hilarious anesthesia stories below not only survived but lived to tell these tales for your entertainment.

More To Mom Than Meets The Eye

From Redditor /u/KushtyKush:

I split my head open on a basketball post. I was rushed to A+E [emergency department], where they glued, as opposed to stitched, my head back together, and I was put on gas and air (50% nitrous oxide, 50% oxygen).

I was 14 at the time and my mum was with me. Due to my age, I'm still in the children's ward. So there were foxes on the wallpaper, and all of a sudden, they start dancing and singing. At this point, the doc was still patching my head back together.

Then the most trippy sh*t happens - my mum was holding my hand while the operation was ongoing, and she had one hand by her side. Except now, she had two hands out on the bed and still one by her side. In my [loopy condition] I managed to say "Mum, you have two hands?!"

[My mum responded,] "Yes, Joe, that's right..."

[I said,] "No, you really do have two hands."

[My mum replied,] "When have I had any less?"

At which point I gave up; 15 minutes later the op was finished.

For the next couple of weeks, between resting and picking my glue scabs, I wondered about that mysterious third hand, wondering whether I was tripping out.

This was in 2004. In 2010 (March, I think) my mum asked me if I remembered our conversation about the third arm: "Still remember the 'third arm' thing from when you hurt your head?"

[I said,] "Sure, but like you said, I was seeing things so..."

[My mum said,] "Well, I thought I'd tell you now, seen as you might be able to laugh about it - it was a prosthetic limb. I was just trying to trip you out."

Turned out there was a prosthetic limb in the treatment room, and for some reason, my mum thought it would be a funny idea to pick it up mid-op and [mess with] me. The most amazing part was not the [gag] itself; it was the length of time she kept it up for.

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Gentlemen Prefer Blondes

From Redditor /u/aphesis:

My husband had just come back from having an endoscopy done, checking for ulcers. Still out of it, he loudly slurred, "There was a blond back there who was pretty nice-looking. Big rack. I love you, but I would hit that..." 

Now, this is a guy who is always respectful and never makes comments like that, so it was more than slightly unusual. And he kept going, just in case he wasn't clear. It was so hard not to laugh, but I didn't want to attract more attention.

For the record, the only blond I saw was the male nurse who took him back...

He remembers nothing.

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Some System Errors

From Redditor /u/mmguero:

When I woke up after having my tonsils removed, I called the nurse over, and I was still completely loopy. I asked her, "How did everything go?" 

She replied, "Fine."

I said, "Nurse, I'm going to need to know what operating system your computers are running. All of them." She just kind of stared at me.

When I began to get agitated she finally said, "Um, Windows, I think." I made a pfffft sound, and turned my head away and wouldn't talk to her anymore.

I don't remember any of this, but my wife was sitting right there busting a gut the whole time.

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Oh, Buttercup...

From Redditor /u/rekd1:

One time I came out of it singing "Build Me Up Buttercup" to the nurse. She yelled at me and told me to [breathe] deeper because my readings (or something) were low. I didn't like her attitude, so when she walked away, I held my [breath] and the machine started going off. She didn't like that either.

Is this funny?