13 Things That Happen When Someone Steals Your Hockey Gear  

Laura Allan
13 items

Being a rec-league hockey player is a little rough sometimes, and not just on the ice. A horrifying example: It’s a sunny afternoon and you’re headed home, feeling good about the upcoming NHL playoffs. You pull up to your puck-marked garage door after a long day's work, to find your outside storage unit has been broken into. Even worse, someone has stolen every last piece of your hockey gear. Sticks, jerseys, skates, girdle… everything. It’s all gone without a trace.

Once you've uttered just about every choice word you usually reserve for referees and opposing players, you're probably going to be left wondering: what are some things that happen when someone steals your hockey gear? What next steps do you take? What are the chances of getting your stuff back? Who in blazes goes around stealing used hockey equipment? 

Lucky you (or not), you aren't the first person to which this has happened, and you won't be the last. Your stolen hockey gear is definitely a tragedy comparable to the Oilers getting the first draft pick again, but it's also the beginning of a bizarre, confusing, and sometimes downright funny journey. Take it from someone who's been through all this before!

Hardcore Denial Takes Over
Hardcore Denial Takes Over is listed (or ranked) 1 on the list 13 Things That Happen When Someone Steals Your Hockey Gear
Photo: clyde/flickr/CC-BY-NC 2.0

All of it? Gone? Just like that? No way, that's impossible! Maybe you just left it in the garage, or maybe your neighbors have it? Surely it's around here somewhere! You're about to spend the next 20 minutes searching in vain for your gear only to realize that yep, someone actually stole it.

You Learn New, Clever Swear Word Combinations
You Learn New, Clever Swear Wo... is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list 13 Things That Happen When Someone Steals Your Hockey Gear
Photo: slidingsideways/flickr/CC-BY-NC-ND 2.0
You feel violated by someone taking your stuff, but you have nowhere to turn that anger because you have no clue who did it. Over the next few days, as you recount this story to people, you're going to come up with some genuinely creative names for this thief, the situation, and even your gear itself. Don't worry, your gear is gone so it won't be offended.
Dumpster Diving Takes on a Whole New Meaning
Dumpster Diving Takes on a Who... is listed (or ranked) 3 on the list 13 Things That Happen When Someone Steals Your Hockey Gear
Photo: Mikey Wally/flickr/CC-BY-NC-ND 2.0
The first place to check for your gear is, unfortunately, dumpsters everywhere near you. Maybe the thief opened the bag, realized he had some weapons-grade hockey stink under his arm rather than valuables, and just chucked the whole lot in the trash. It's unlikely, but you might actually find your stuff this way. Besides, garbage can't smell worse than the inside of your gloves, right?
You Realize Just How Much You Spend on Gear
You Realize Just How Much You ... is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list 13 Things That Happen When Someone Steals Your Hockey Gear
Photo: Nathan Forget/flickr/CC-BY 2.0
You know individual pieces of equipment are expensive, but do you know how much all your gear is worth combined? For the police report, you're going to have to list the worth of each piece of gear, so prepare to hurt in both your heart and your wallet. Seriously, expect this figure to have at least three zeros at the end - even more if you're a goalie.