For those of you who prefer to rent your own place when you go away for vacation with your family (or on your own), there are a number of things that you will find in common with these sorts of rental properties. I'm sure many of these owners are perfectly nice people who thought a rental was a great way to make some extra income, but it becomes clear that what you pay for is not something *they* paid for. This is a list of my personal 10 things I've found in common with every rental I've ever inhabited. Vote for your favorites and add what you think is missing.
You know the smell. Maybe someone has been smoking in there, or maybe the place is old and smells like grandma. Maybe it smells like too much bleach or like the authentic Hawaiian Luau style full pig the last people cooked in the kitchen. The place could smell like drywall or new paint or mold, but trust me... it smells weird. No matter how much you spent for the place.
Always lies. Every time, lies. "Close to the beach!" "Near the slopes!" "Across from the lake!" "Wifi!" "Satellite TV!" Then you get there, and you find that while you are indeed across the street from a beach, it is not a beach you are allowed to use. Or, if you even could use it, it would be the last thing you ever did before your body was smashed against the breakwater and pulled to sea by sharks. Close to the slopes often means 'within 2 miles'. Because who doesn't want to clump their way in ski boots for 2 miles? I rented a place once that claimed it had wifi, but then when we got there, found that not only did it not have wifi, but it didn't even have a signal for our phones. We had to walk 2 blocks away, holding our phones over our heads like we were signaling a rescue plane. "View!" (from that one room on the top floor) "Pool!" (in the complex next door that you have a pass to).
Giant List of Annoying Rules
This might as well be called the "Don't" list. It's a long list of stuff you shouldn't do. Don't use the downstairs bathroom. Don't use the towels for the hot tub. Don't unfold the sofa bed. Don't park in front of the garage. Don't leave the gate unlatched. Don't climb on the fence. Don't jump in the pool. Don't make any noise past 10. Don't cook bacon in the kitchen. Don't use the grill outside. Don't bring the beach chairs to the beach.
Oh, my favorite. Don't steal wifi from the neighbor.
Odd, Useless Assortment of Cookware
There are 4 melon ballers, but no glasses. What do you think they used that dutch oven for? Why isn't there a frying pan that hasn't had all the teflon scraped off from 3 decades of scrambled eggs? No colander? I guess we could strain the spaghetti through our fingers. Coffee filters, no way... but plenty of wax paper! At one place I rented in Cape Cod, there wasn't a single potholder or dishrag, but there was a friendly lobster made of terry cloth hanging from the pantry door. Guess what got used to mop up spilled wine? I suppose when you pay that kind of money for a house for a week, you should expect that you should have to stop at your nearest Home Goods store and stock up on dishrags. I know that's the first thing I think of when I'm on vacation.