People Reveal The Worst Things They Unknowingly Did As Children
If you claim that you've never committed a horrible offense during childhood, you're definitely lying. Even kids with the best intentions occasionally make insensitive comments or ask questions that embarrass innocent bystanders. Children just don't have certain filters; they're honest to a fault, and they certainly don't understand the mechanics of keeping secrets. Indeed, a child with loose lips might just be the worst thing to encounter when you're, say, having an affair or committing some sort of petty crime. Many a parent has been exposed for spending time with a mistress that pretended to be "just an aunt" because the child didn't know what trickery was afoot.
That's not to say that a child's bluntness can't be helpful and refreshing, but some young peoples' mental capacities are severely lacking. Certain children leave thumbtacks laying around to see what might happen, others dry hump pieces of upholstered furniture because why not? The horrible, arguably hilarious, things kids unknowingly do really make you wonder if they'll make it into adulthood.Â
Various adult Redditors are actually sharing their crazy childhood stories, though, so there may be hope for all those dumb little kids yet.
He Put A Thumbtack On The Ground, Pointy Side Up
From Redditor /u/SexBadgersaurus:
"When I was seven, I was in the family change room/locker room at a swimming pool when I noticed a stray thumb tack sitting on the ground under a bench. Didn't know why it was there but some morbid curiosity told me to place it on the ground in the open with the pin side up. About five minutes later, I started to think about how dangerous that could be and went to go pick it up only to find this teenage girl sitting on the bench in severe pain and nursing her foot while her family was helping and inspecting it. The last thing I remember was the girl saying, 'Who would do this???' And her father responding, 'A F*CKING IDIOT, THAT'S WHO.'"
He Thought He Wanted To Be A Man Of The Night
From Redditor /u/AlCrawtheKid:
"I told all of my friends I wanted to be a prostitute when I grew up.
Prosecutor. The word is prosecutor."
She Stole Waiters' Tips
From Redditor /u/violencias:
"Up until I was around six or seven, whenever my family and I were heading out of a restaurant, and I noticed that my parents were forgetting cash on the table, I would always make sure to grab it and slip it back into my mom's purse. I didn't know tipping was a thing, and it's not until I made a comment about how they were always leaving money lying around at restaurants, and how I always had to be the one to keep an eye out for it and make sure they didn't forget it, that they realized what was going on, and I learned. I cost a lot of waiters their tips."
He Almost Gave His Dad A Heart Attack
From Redditor /u/icandoittwice:
"When I was about eight, I asked my dad if we could play 'the naked man game.' My dad, trying not to panic, asked me what it was. I responded, 'It's the one we play when [the babysitter] is over.' He then asked me to show him where the naked man game was, so I took him to the closet, opened the door, and pointed up to Operation.
He told me years later that he nearly had a heart attack."
He Taunted Wolves
From Redditor /u/DaFonze:
"I called it 'the wolf game.' I'd stand halfway between my house and the woods and howl, and see how many wolves I could get to show up.
My record was three before common sense kicked in... I should not have survived to adulthood lol."
He Made His Parents Watch While He Dry-Humped The Couch
From Redditor /u/just_call_in_sick:
"I dry humped the sofa while my parents watched in silent horror.
I thought I was the first person to discover that rubbing my penis on things felt good. Many pieces of furniture fell victim to my testing. I discovered that the sofa was the best and I had to show my parents. I couldn't keep this to myself! I told them to come to the living room. I had something amazing to show them. I didn't just sexual assault their couch. I was teaching a class on it. Offering to let my dad have a go. They just stood there. It haunts me to this day. I have never asked them about it. They must have thought they were raising a sexual predator."