How Long Would You Survive A Horror Movie Based On Your Zodiac Sign?
Do you think you’d make it all the way to the end of a horror movie, or are you pretty sure that you’d be the first person to catch the business end of a machete? Everyone thinks they know how to survive in a horror movie. Unfortunately, that’s just not the case. No matter how well you plan and research, the only way to know how long you would survive in a horror movie is by checking your zodiac sign.
Relying on astrology is probably your best bet when it comes to surviving a horror movie - you can even use the stars to find out what scary movie roles you'd play and which horror movie villain you’d be. Now, you can finally use it to learn how long you'd last before the killer catches up to you.
- Photo: Scream / Miramax Lionsgate
There's no way around it - an Aries will always be the first to die in a horror movie. Nothing scares an Aries; they're so busy seeing the world as a challenge to be conquered that they don't even know they're in a horror movie. They're just answering their phone and chatting with the masked killer waiting outside, or taking a shortcut through the woods in the middle of the night, because it's just another stop on their burning bridges tour.
As is always the case with an Aries, they're the catalyst for excitement and change, especially when there's a killer on the loose. After all, what causes more excitement and change than someone winding up dead five minutes into a movie?
- Photo: The Faculty / Alliance
Anyone born under the sign of Taurus has fought hard to get where they've ended up in life. They stick to their guns and keep their heads down, and they don't give up until they accomplish their goal. When it comes to being in a horror film, the goal is to stay alive, and that's exactly what they do.
Even if every one of their friends witnesses them get dragged away by a masked killer or take a machete to the chest, a Taurus somehow manages to show up at the very end of the movie worse for the wear, but still alive. Nothing, not even an axe murderer, can stand in their way.
- Photo: The Cabin In The Woods / Lionsgate
Geminis tend to be easily distracted and a little scatterbrained. Those aren't the worst qualities to have in life, but in a horror movie, the victims need to stay sharp, and unfortunately a Gemini might get thrown off track. Count on them to split off from the group early (always a bad idea) and trip over a rock or twist their ankle while they're running away from some masked murderer.
Every good horror movie has a moment where the plodding killer slowly chases their victim. Whenever this happens, the victim always does something inane like tripping over their own feet, and this person is always a Gemini.
- Photo: Mirrors / 20th Century Fox
Cancers are the ultimate Water sign: they're deeply emotional, supportive, and intuitive. Even though they love being around their friends, sometimes they just need a little space so they go to the bathroom to take a shower or innocuously open and close some mirrors. Unfortunately, in a horror movie, this is generally the last thing you want to do.
Usually, the Cancer character in the movie won't even know there's a killer or a monster after them. They might suspect something, but they'll never be able to warn their friends - the killer is already standing behind them.
- Photo: Final Destination / Warner Bros.
Most horror movies have a breathing period where everyone gets to relax for a bit. In Scream, it's when school lets out; in Friday the 13th Pt. 2, it's when most of the cast goes to a bar. At this point in the film, there's almost always a particularly gruesome death. Leos love to kick back and enjoy themselves, and that's just what the killer's waiting for.
How is a Leo supposed to get a bronzed tan while there's a killer on the loose? Now that the movie's taking a break, there's nothing wrong with catching some 'Zs, right? Wrong. The moment a Leo takes a breather is the moment they seal their fate.
- Photo: Friday The 13th / Paramount
Virgos are known for being one of the more repressed signs of the zodiac - they are represented by the Virgin, after all - but that doesn't mean they never get any. Normally, that's totally fine, but in the puritanical world of horror movies, whenever someone has sex, they always wind up dead, and if anyone is going to wind up dead after having sex, it would be a Virgo. In a cinematic world of unjust horrors, you can bet a Virgo is going to get murdered for daring to step outside of their comfort zone.
Knowing their luck, they'll have no idea they are hooking up with a murderer until it's too late; they should have pulled out when they had the chance.