Graveyard Shift How Long Would You Survive A Horror Movie Based On Your Zodiac Sign?  

Jacob Shelton
36k views 12 items

Do you think you’d make it all the way to the end of a horror movie, or are you pretty sure that you’d be the first person to catch the business end of a machete? Everyone thinks they know how to survive in a horror movie. Unfortunately, that’s just not the case. No matter how well you plan and research, the only way to know how long you would survive in a horror movie is by checking your zodiac sign.

Relying on astrology is probably your best bet when it comes to surviving a horror movie - you can even use the stars to find out what scary movie roles you'd play and which horror movie villain you’d be. Now, you can finally use it to learn how long you'd last before the killer catches up to you.

Aries (March 21 - April 19) is listed (or ranked) 1 on the list How Long Would You Survive A Horror Movie Based On Your Zodiac Sign?
Photo: Scream/Miramax Lionsgate

There's no way around it - an Aries will always be the first to die in a horror movie. Nothing scares an Aries; they're so busy seeing the world as a challenge to be conquered that they don't even know they're in a horror movie. They're just answering their phone and chatting with the masked killer waiting outside, or taking a shortcut through the woods in the middle of the night, because it's just another stop on their burning bridges tour.

As is always the case with an Aries, they're the catalyst for excitement and change, especially when there's a killer on the loose. After all, what causes more excitement and change than someone winding up dead five minutes into a movie?

see more on Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Taurus (April 20 - May 20) is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list How Long Would You Survive A Horror Movie Based On Your Zodiac Sign?
Photo: The Faculty/Alliance

Anyone born under the sign of Taurus has fought hard to get where they've ended up in life. They stick to their guns and keep their heads down, and they don't give up until they accomplish their goal. When it comes to being in a horror film, the goal is to stay alive, and that's exactly what they do.

Even if every one of their friends witnesses them get dragged away by a masked killer or take a machete to the chest, a Taurus somehow manages to show up at the very end of the movie worse for the wear, but still alive. Nothing, not even an axe murderer, can stand in their way.

see more on Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Gemini (May 21 - June 20) is listed (or ranked) 3 on the list How Long Would You Survive A Horror Movie Based On Your Zodiac Sign?
Photo: The Cabin In The Woods/Lionsgate

Geminis tend to be easily distracted and a little scatterbrained. Those aren't the worst qualities to have in life, but in a horror movie, the victims need to stay sharp, and unfortunately a Gemini might get thrown off track. Count on them to split off from the group early (always a bad idea) and trip over a rock or twist their ankle while they're running away from some masked murderer. 

Every good horror movie has a moment where the plodding killer slowly chases their victim. Whenever this happens, the victim always does something inane like tripping over their own feet, and this person is always a Gemini.

see more on Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Cancer (June 21 - July 22) is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list How Long Would You Survive A Horror Movie Based On Your Zodiac Sign?
Photo: Mirrors/20th Century Fox

Cancers are the ultimate Water sign: they're deeply emotional, supportive, and intuitive. Even though they love being around their friends, sometimes they just need a little space so they go to the bathroom to take a shower or innocuously open and close some mirrors. Unfortunately, in a horror movie, this is generally the last thing you want to do. 

Usually, the Cancer character in the movie won't even know there's a killer or a monster after them. They might suspect something, but they'll never be able to warn their friends - the killer is already standing behind them.

see more on Cancer (June 21 - July 22)