To paraphrase Brody from Mallrats : “The Thing, is his dork made from orange rock like the rest of his body?” Comic book nerds care about many things which impact storylines in no way whatsoever, and that includes superhero penises. Though debates over a hero's power levels and morality pertain very much to their plotlines, debates over the best superhero wangs pertain specifically to the curiousities and insecurities of readers. Superhero penises entered the mainstream in the '80s when Alan Moore thrust one of the most bizarre comic book penises on the world in The Watchmen . From then on out fans began to openly pontificate about which of their favorite characters were cock of the walk. Discussions about superhero sex facts, and which heroes would be good in bed have come to dominate online discussions about comic books .
P eople want answers to the hard questions: is Wolverine circumcised? Does Mr. Fantastic's wang stretch? Is the Thing's member made of rock? More importantly, how did comic book culture get to a place where characters became idolized for having big muscles and bigger dicks? Though you never realize it, the male superhero body looks just as unrealistic as any woman superhero's, if not more so. What follows is an attempt to make sense of the obsession with superhero wangs.
The Male Gaze Gazes Upon ItselfPhoto: Marvel
Alan Moore Puts The Final Word On Superhero Wangs With Doctor ManhattanPhoto: DC
Why Do Readers Need Characters To Have Genitals?Photo: DC
This Is All Rob Liefeld’s FaultPhoto: Marvel
What’s Up With Reed Richards’s Dick?Photo: Marvel
Seth Green Explores A Superhero’s Relationship To His PrivatesPhoto: Top Cow