How To Join The Illuminati

Have you been wondering how to join the Illuminati? Do you see the wealth and power of the Dark Cabal that guides every aspect of our world and want in on it? Do you want to know the secrets of the universe, the hidden knowledge that only the most powerful people on Earth have access to?

Of course you do. But to join a group as elite and secretive as the Illuminati, you have to do a few things first. Attain personal wealth or fame, work in an industry that will come in handy during the New World Order, and perform the correct rituals. Never ask questions, always keep secrets... except when secrets aren't to be kept.

Above all, follow these 21 simple steps to joining and becoming a member. You might not need all of them... but you'll need some. And only then will the Judeo/Communist/Masonic/Satanic/Catholic conspiracy usher you behind its locked doors.

  • Be From an Old Money Family

    Be From an Old Money Family
    Photo: Metaweb / CC-BY
    The chief qualifier for membership in the Illuminati is money, and many of the most powerful families in the Cabal are also some of the wealthiest in history. Think Rockefeller, Kennedy, the Windsor dynasty, etc. If you were born into money, you've already got an immaculately tailored suit-pant leg up on joining the Illuminati. 
  • Or Get Rich in Business

    Or Get Rich in Business
    Photo: user uploaded image
    Even if you aren't born into wealth, if you make enough money on your own, either through business, real estate, entertainment, an invention, or anything else, you won't have to ask about joining the Illuminati. They'll come looking for you.
  • Be Male

    As much of its history is steeped in racism, the membership of the Illuminati is almost entirely made of men. Obviously, these rules are lessened for the entertainment wing of the Cabal, where anyone famous enough is welcome. But to rise to the highest levels of the Illuminati, you pretty much have to be a dude. An old, white dude, at that.
  • Join a Secret Society

    Join a Secret Society
    Photo: flickr / CC0

    Many Illuminati members are also a part of secret societies, the shadowy power brokers who meet at luxury hotels in faraway places, hidden from prying eyes. The Illuminati itself began as a secret society in Bavaria in the 1770s, and this mentality has never left the group.

    So if you want to be noticed by the Cabal, get added to the roster of something like the Skull and Bones, the OTO, or the Bilderberg Group.

  • Or an Ancient Mystical Order

    If shadowy governmental societies aren't your bag, there are plenty of other Mystical Orders you can join to catch the All Seeing Eye of the Illuminati. These include the Freemasons, Rosicrucians, Druids, your local Church of Satan branch, or Opus Dei. All are front groups (allegedly) for the Illuminati, so take your pick.
  • Become a Famous Pop Star

    Become a Famous Pop Star
    Photo: Metaweb / CC-BY
    Download the newest version of Auto Tune, slap on some makeup, and hire a Swedish songwriting team, and you might find yourself in the Illuminati right quick. Every recent pop singer, from Madonna to Britney, from Lady Gaga to Katy Perry, from Jessie J to someone who only exists in an Illuminati cloning tank – they're all alleged to be Cabal members.