The Most Impractical Sexy Halloween Costumes Ever

Voting Rules
Vote up the costumes that are the biggest headscratchers and make you wonder, "Who ever thought of this?".

The tradition of the "sexy" Halloween costume has become a holiday cliché, but no one ever stops to consider the full dimension of absurdity that these costumes encompass. Some concepts, like "sexy cop," boggle the imagination automatically, by force of their pure and fundamental oxymoronic nature. Others, like "sexy firefighter" or "sexy executioner" may require deeper reflection before the true roots of their ridiculousness can be unearthed and contemplated.

None of us are short of examples when it comes to the most ridiculous sexy Halloween costumes of all time – few things are goofier than a suggestive Big Bird costume. But what about the more mundane examples? Have you ever really paused to consider how perplexing the idea of a sexy lumberjack is? If not, perhaps the following examples will give you pause.

  • Sexy Football Player
    Photo: Amazon

    To be totally fair, this costume offers only slightly less coverage than the official uniforms of the Lingerie Football League. It's impossible to avoid thinking about that scene in A League of Their Own where somebody slides into home in a miniskirt and spends the rest of the game moaning in pain and being coated in iodine, though.

    646 votes
  • Sexy Medical Practitioner
    Photo: Amazon

    It's unclear whether this person is supposed to be a doctor or a nurse, but we hope she doesn't have to lean too far forward to measure her patient's heart rate with that stethoscope, or she's liable to twist an ankle and fall over. (If she doesn't contract some horrible disease first – aren't doctors supposed to wear rubber gloves and masks for this type of thing?)

    574 votes
  • Sexy Firefighter
    Photo: Amazon

    Exposed thighs and open flames just seem like a bad combination.

    510 votes
  • 4
    503 VOTES
    Sexy Girl Scout
    Photo: Amazon

    Girl scouts are children. Enough said.

    503 votes
  • 5
    426 VOTES
    Sexy Lumberjack
    Photo: Amazon

    Chopping down a tree in spike-heeled knee boots sounds complicated. Plus, this outfit ups your chances of winding up covered in bug bites and sunburns.

    426 votes
  • Sexy Member Of A S.W.A.T. Team
    Photo: Amazon

    Aren't S.W.A.T. team members supposed to wear protective gear? On the upside, at least this outfit has sleeves.

    410 votes