Unspeakable Crimes Real Criminals Who Happen to Have the Most Ironic Names Ever  

Ranker Crime
25.2k votes 6.2k voters 4.8M views 17 items

List Rules Vote up the criminals with the most ironic names that best fit their crimes.

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet." Shakespeare had it right about a lot of things, if cats were called dogs and dogs cats or even... and with cantaloupe we wouldn't know the difference. Naming people however... well names matter. Take for example the name Edward Cocaine. There aren't many versions of that childhood that would result in a well balanced adult. And in fact, these kinds of crazy names sometimes lead to ironic crimes committed by the individuals in question.

Beyond the fact that the people with these hilariously bad names endured them, they also seemed to inadvertently make them their mission statements. How else do you explain Conor P. Fudge working at a Cold Stone and his subsequent ice cream thievery? Or Daniel Noody exposing himself? These ironically named criminals were arrested and charged (or at very least accused) of some awful, but oddly appropriate, crimes.

These are the best no-way-that's-his-name-and-he-did-THAT criminal names of all time. Vote up the most ironic criminal names below!
1 310 VOTES

Reality Winner

Reality Winner is listed (or ranked) 1 on the list Real Criminals Who Happen to Have the Most Ironic Names Ever
Photo: Police Mugshot

Accused of: Leading classified government documents 

Once a 26 year old US intelligence contractor, Reality Winner landed herself in legal trouble after deliberately leaking classified documents to a media outlet in 2016. In 2018, a judge sentenced Winner to 63 months in prison for her actions. The name is of course confusing when perusing headlines, leaving many wondering which show the reality winner in question was on. However, the information Winner leaked adds an extra layer of irony. Winner leaked documents related to the potential Russian hacking of the 2016 election, the election that resulted in former reality television star Donald Trump becoming president. 

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2 1,525 VOTES

Mister Love

Mister Love is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list Real Criminals Who Happen to Have the Most Ironic Names Ever
Photo:  faith meo/via Pinterest

Accused of: Unlawful sexual contact with a minor. 

There is no way this guy gets away with anything. Even without actually being a sex offender, with a name like that you would no doubt be accused of it. Why further brand yourself?!

Source: Huffington Post
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3 2,851 VOTES

Crystal Metheney

Crystal Metheney is listed (or ranked) 3 on the list Real Criminals Who Happen to Have the Most Ironic Names Ever
Photo: Polk County Sheriff

Arrested for: Shooting a missile into an occupied car. Record also contains a long list of drug possession charges. 

First of all... it's amazing how two ordinarily innocuous names when COMBINED equal crystal meth (much like how cooking homemade crystal meth is often done with normally innocuous day to day items). Beyond that, where did she get a missile launcher!? Does this happen normally? Are we only hearing about it because Crystal Meth here did it?

Source: Huffington Post
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4 1,559 VOTES

Patrick Molesti

Patrick Molesti is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list Real Criminals Who Happen to Have the Most Ironic Names Ever
Photo: WGCL-TV

Accused of: Trying to purchase children online. 

This is the kind of name where on your 18th birthday you go down to the courthouse and change it. Your parents will understand and any future children will thank you. Oh, and don't try to purchase (and presumably molest) five-year-old boys.

Source: True Crime Report
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