Humor Real Criminals Who Happen to Have the Most Ironic Names Ever  

Ranker Crime
23.1k votes 5.8k voters 4.8M views 16 items

List Rules Vote up the criminals with the most ironic names that best fit their crimes.

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet." Shakespeare had it right about a lot of things, if cats were called dogs and dogs cats or even... and with cantaloupe we wouldn't know the difference. Naming people however... well names matter. Take for example the name Edward Cocaine. There aren't many versions of that childhood that would result in a well balanced adult. And in fact, these kinds of crazy names sometimes lead to ironic crimes committed by the individuals in question.

Beyond the fact that the people with these hilariously bad names endured them, they also seemed to inadvertently make them their mission statements. How else do you explain Conor P. Fudge working at a Cold Stone and his subsequent ice cream thievery? Or Daniel Noody exposing himself? These ironically named criminals were arrested and charged (or at very least accused) of some awful, but oddly appropriate, crimes.

These are the best no-way-that's-his-name-and-he-did-THAT criminal names of all time. Vote up the most ironic criminal names below!
1 2,639 VOTES

Crystal Metheney


Crystal Metheney is listed (or ranked) 1 on the list Real Criminals Who Happen to Have the Most Ironic Names Ever
Photo: Polk County Sheriff

Arrested for: Shooting a missile into an occupied car. Record also contains a long list of drug possession charges. 

First of all... it's amazing how two ordinarily innocuous names when COMBINED equal crystal meth (much like how cooking homemade crystal meth is often done with normally innocuous day to day items). Beyond that, where did she get a missile launcher!? Does this happen normally? Are we only hearing about it because Crystal Meth here did it?

Source: Huffington Post
1,568 1,071
Is this ironic?
2 3,056 VOTES

Bud Weisser


Bud Weisser is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list Real Criminals Who Happen to Have the Most Ironic Names Ever
Photo: STL Mugshots

Accused of: Burglary and theft, trespassing and resisting arrest.

Arrested in 2014 at just 18 years old, he was able to be charged as an adult but not to legally enjoy a nice cold Budweiser. And just to get in some more crime before become legal, Bud was arrested again in 2015 - this time for trespassing and resisting arrest while breaking into a secure area in the Budweiser brewery. Obviously.

Sources: NY Daily News, CBS St. Louis
1,803 1,253
Is this ironic?
3 1,340 VOTES

Mister Love


Mister Love is listed (or ranked) 3 on the list Real Criminals Who Happen to Have the Most Ironic Names Ever
Photo:  faith meo/via Pinterest

Accused of: Unlawful sexual contact with a minor. 

There is no way this guy gets away with anything. Even without actually being a sex offender, with a name like that you would no doubt be accused of it. Why further brand yourself?!

Source: Huffington Post
804 536
Is this ironic?
4 2,006 VOTES

Donald Duck


Donald Duck is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list Real Criminals Who Happen to Have the Most Ironic Names Ever
Photo: Cleveland 19

Charged with: Various DUI charges, possession of marijuana, and drug paraphernalia charges. 

Donald really took it hard when Disney started focusing all their attention on those Avengers movies. He hasn't been the same since.

Source: Examiner
1,190 816
Is this ironic?