Kenny Powers quotes are the best lines ever uttered by the star of HBO's wildly popular comedy series 'Eastbound & Down.' Kenny Powers, quite simply, is a washed-up former pro baseball player who's reached middle age and finds that without his star life in the major leagues, he's got very little actually going for him. What he does have, though, is his "Powerisms:" words of wisdom (term used loosely) that he lives by.
This is a list of some of the funniest, most memorable Kenny Powers 'Eastbound & Down' quotes of all-time. See a favorite? Definitely vote it up. And if you know of a great Kenny Powers quote that isn't listed, please add it. The best Kenny Powers quotes from seasons one and two of 'Eastbound & Down' are on this list, but with season three coming, no doubt we'll get many other nuggets of Kenny goodness.
The first season of 'Eastbound & Down' debuted on HBO in February of 2009. Danny McBride stars as Kenny Powers. McBride is also one of the writers on the show. The quotes from Kenny are always memorable, almost always offensive - and definitely always hilarious. In season one, Kenny replays his book on tape: 'You're F**king Out, I'm F**king In,' and the quotes come so fast it's hard to remember them all. Many of those quotes are listed here, but if you see one that isn't, again, add it, by all means.All hail the great and hysterically funny Kenny Powers! Enjoy the quotes, and hopefully you'll learn something. Something that you should never, ever repeat in public. Ever.
Mind of a Scientist
I've been blessed with many things in this life: an arm like a damn rocket, a cock like a burmese python, and the mind of a f**king scientist.
I play real sports. Not trying to be the best at exercising. F**k this guy.
Kiss My A**
Undaunted, I knew the game was mine to win. Just like in life, all of my successes depend on me. I'm the man who has the ball; I'm the man who can throw it faster than f**k. So, that is why I'm better than everyone in the world. Kiss my ass and suck my dick, everyone.
Paid for Sex
A lot of people ask me, 'Kenny Powers, you're a giant star. You can get any woman. Have you ever paid for sex?' And the answer is yes, I have. And it's actually kinda cool. You can negotiate practically anything and sometimes, even just kind of do stuff in the moment that you never agreed to pay for and it goes by without much argument.