Updated September 16, 2017 1.2K votes 317 voters 25.8K views
Voting Rules
Vote up the breakfasts that would definitely break you.
In theory, eating breakfast in bed sounds amazing, so long as you possess a sense of balance. But so many variables involved can turn your scrumptious morning into a series of breakfast in bed fails. The surefire ingredient to ensure a breakfast in bed gone wrong is having your children prepare you breakfast. While it sounds adorable to picture the kids up at dawn mixing waffle batter and brewing coffee, that scenario rarely works outside of a Disney show.
Much like children who tried to draw adults, kids who attempted to feed their parents relied on their own, immature view of the world to provide simple answers to complicated things. If children's statements to newspapers reveal anything, it's that kid logic operates in its own reality. Maple syrup and green peppers? To a child, it's not disgusting, it's DiGigiorno.
Lisa, a woman probably still getting over her breakfast in bed nightmare, wrote to Sh*t My Kids Ruined to try and explain what happened when her kids attempted to make breakfast in bed: "The morning of a weekday my husband decided to let me sleep in. He usually wakes me up before he leaves for work. For some reason he felt the need to allow me to sleep and I obviously needed it. I didn't hear a thing going on in the kitchen and this is what I woke up to. 'Look mommy we made you breakfast!' Oh Yummy I always loved Maple Syrup with green peppers. I am so surprised that I kept my cool. What a sticky, gooey mess."
Redditor ztaylor1279 posted on the r/Parenting forum about her four-year-old making her soup for breakfast while her husband watched, which makes the whole thing feel kind of cruel. She wrote: "My son surprised me with breakfast in bed this morning. His daddy supervised, but let the kiddo prepare the meal. It was soup, made with cold water, a whole carrot, a stick of celery, blueberries, and some tomato sauce. He was crazy excited ('Make sure you get sauce and blueberry, Mom'), so I braved a sip, and am still a bit haunted by the aftertaste."
Hot sauce is delicious, but it takes experience and a few test runs to determine what to use it on. That being said, children usually do things just because they see adults doing them, like shaving, making phone calls, and cooking food. So let this tale be a warning you watch your sriracha habits around your friend's four-year-old.
Because of their kids' undeveloped spice palate, parents like this Redditor end up with "six months of dry toast with Frank's dumped in between." Six months of dry toast with hot sauce. So many crumbs in your bed, so many destroyed taste buds.
When someone posted on Reddit asking about the grossest thing their kids had ever made them, one parent chimed in with a truly horrific breakfast in bed meal. They claimed their likely well-meaning child brought them "scrambled eggs with what had to be about half-a-crushed eggshell mixed in. I choked down two bites and just couldn't continue, so I concentrated on the burnt toast." You gotta get that protein somehow!
In a reversal of the "my nutso kid made me eat something gross" trope, one Redditor told everyone about the horrible thing they made their parents choke down in bed: "I learned how to 'make' pancakes at a young age, around five I think. My mom claims I made her what were half-cooked pancakes at best, and would not stop staring at her until she had eaten at least half of the pancake. She still laughs about it to this day." Laughs, or cries?
When UK comedian Joe Heenan's kids brought him breakfast in bed for Father's Day he found himself treated to a very out of the box morning meal. They made him toast with a plastic shark, some Legos, and a brew of presumably luke warm tea with a straw. Their mother They also got him a mug. What a nice bunch of kids. Also weird.
