In theory, eating breakfast in bed sounds amazing, so long as you possess a sense of balance. But so many variables involved can turn your scrumptious morning into a series of breakfast in bed fails. The surefire ingredient to ensure a breakfast in bed gone wrong is having your children prepare you breakfast. While it sounds adorable to picture the kids up at dawn mixing waffle batter and brewing coffee, that scenario rarely works outside of a Disney show.
Much like children who tried to draw adults, kids who attempted to feed their parents relied on their own, immature view of the world to provide simple answers to complicated things. If children's statements to newspapers reveal anything, it's that kid logic operates in its own reality. Maple syrup and green peppers? To a child, it's not disgusting, it's DiGigiorno.
Soup For Breakfast
Redditor ztaylor1279 posted on the r/Parenting forum about her four-year-old making her soup for breakfast while her husband watched, which makes the whole thing feel kind of cruel. She wrote: "My son surprised me with breakfast in bed this morning. His daddy supervised, but let the kiddo prepare the meal. It was soup, made with cold water, a whole carrot, a stick of celery, blueberries, and some tomato sauce. He was crazy excited ('Make sure you get sauce and blueberry, Mom'), so I braved a sip, and am still a bit haunted by the aftertaste."
It's A Deconstructed Omelet
Lisa, a woman probably still getting over her breakfast in bed nightmare, wrote to Sh*t My Kids Ruined to try and explain what happened when her kids attempted to make breakfast in bed: "The morning of a weekday my husband decided to let me sleep in. He usually wakes me up before he leaves for work. For some reason he felt the need to allow me to sleep and I obviously needed it. I didn't hear a thing going on in the kitchen and this is what I woke up to. 'Look mommy we made you breakfast!' Oh Yummy I always loved Maple Syrup with green peppers. I am so surprised that I kept my cool. What a sticky, gooey mess."
When UK comedian Joe Heenan's kids brought him breakfast in bed for Father's Day he found himself treated to a very out of the box morning meal. They made him toast with a plastic shark, some Legos, and a brew of presumably luke warm tea with a straw. Their mother They also got him a mug. What a nice bunch of kids. Also weird.
If You Fail Once, Fail Again
Even if you have no kids of your own, the moment this video starts every muscle in your body tenses up, especially considering carpets and wet things do not mix. It's as if when the father whispers, "Don't spill that," he subliminally wills his son carrying a bowl of fruit the size of his head to spill it all over the floor. While that's sad enough, the moment where they all get down to pick the fruit up off the carpet with their bare hands somehow feels even worse. Better luck next year.